Revisiting the speed dating subject

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Muse933277
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10 Aug 2022, 4:23 pm

Twilightprincess wrote:
As a young 20 something who was reasonably attractive, I liked “nerds.” The first guy I dated was a morbidly obese nerd. I was turned off by guys who were solely invested in their physical appearance. I was also turned off by guys who only cared about my physical appearance, so it worked both ways.



That's cool and all, but there's a lot of fat nerdy guys that struggle with finding a girlfriend, especially if they're autistic.

I know because I've known several on the spectrum who are in their late twenties/early thirties who have never had a girlfriend before, despite expressing interest in dating.

One is 35, 100 pounds overweight, and lives with his parents, and is on the spectrum. His young brother is neurotypical and and overweight, and had little to no difficulty with his dating life. So yes, if this man wasn't overweight, and was more neurotypical, he'd have had several girlfriends too.


The other guy I know is in his late twenties who's also on the spectrum. He's overweight, nerdy, lives on SSI, and is no offense, quite ugly. He's also never had a girlfriend before and there's a good chance that he never will.


The "obese nerd" you dated got really lucky, it's as simple as that. Sometimes you play the lottery and win first try, but that doesn't mean it's common.



Muse933277
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10 Aug 2022, 4:25 pm

I went on several dates with a sorority girl once, who was quite known for being a crazy hoe. When she rejected me, she told me she that I was too ugly for her. This girl was a legitimate 4/10 and called me too ugly for her.



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10 Aug 2022, 4:25 pm

Muse933277 wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
As a young 20 something who was reasonably attractive, I liked “nerds.” The first guy I dated was a morbidly obese nerd. I was turned off by guys who were solely invested in their physical appearance. I was also turned off by guys who only cared about my physical appearance, so it worked both ways.



That's cool and all, but there's a lot of fat nerdy guys that struggle with finding a girlfriend, especially if they're autistic.

I know because I've known several on the spectrum who are in their late twenties/early thirties who have never had a girlfriend before, despite expressing interest in dating.

Many women have had similar struggles.


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Twilightprincess
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10 Aug 2022, 4:26 pm

Muse933277 wrote:
I went on several dates with a sorority girl once, who was quite known for being a crazy hoe. When she rejected me, she told me she that I was too ugly for her. This girl was a legitimate 4/10 and called me too ugly for her.


When you’ve dated one sorority girl, you’ve dated one sorority girl. They are unique individuals just like anyone else.


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Where_am_I
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10 Aug 2022, 4:28 pm

Muse933277 wrote:
I went on several dates with a sorority girl once, who was quite known for being a crazy hoe. When she rejected me, she told me she that I was too ugly for her. This girl was a legitimate 4/10 and called me too ugly for her.


Excuse me. That's a disgusting way to describe a woman.


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kraftiekortie
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10 Aug 2022, 4:28 pm

I've never dated a "sorority girl." I didn't go to college until I was in my late 30s.

Most girls in college aren't "sorority girls." Why don't you seek out women who are just regular people trying to get a degree?



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10 Aug 2022, 4:31 pm

Where_am_I wrote:
Muse933277 wrote:
I went on several dates with a sorority girl once, who was quite known for being a crazy hoe. When she rejected me, she told me she that I was too ugly for her. This girl was a legitimate 4/10 and called me too ugly for her.


Excuse me. That's a disgusting way to describe a woman.


Exactly!


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10 Aug 2022, 4:32 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I've never dated a "sorority girl." I didn't go to college until I was in my late 30s.

Most girls in college aren't "sorority girls." Why don't you seek out women who are just regular people trying to get a degree?


So you have a problem with young women who are in sororities, too?

Aren’t they “regular people?”


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CubsBullsBears
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10 Aug 2022, 4:35 pm

In response to Muse and Kraftie:

I am 5’8” and weigh about 200-210 lbs. I used to be skinnier than that in HS, but eating what I like led to obvious results. Although I still weigh less(and I’m also shorter)than the guys in the pic muse posted. I also always keep my hair short and basic and keep my face clean shaven. Never have been one to want any facial hair.


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kraftiekortie
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10 Aug 2022, 4:38 pm

All right----you're not really an "unusual" guy, then. Maybe slightly chubby. None of this "disqualifies" you.

I'm 5 foot 5, and weigh about 170 lbs. I've been as high as about 188, and as low as the 140s in my adulthood.



kraftiekortie
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10 Aug 2022, 4:44 pm

That's absurd!

Of course "sorority girls" are regular people. They vary just as much as non-sorority girls. It would be absolutely ridiculous if I had a problem with "sorority girls."

All I'm saying is that he shouldn't focus on "sorority girls."



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10 Aug 2022, 5:37 pm

CubsBullsBears wrote:
In response to Muse and Kraftie:

I am 5’8” and weigh about 200-210 lbs. I used to be skinnier than that in HS, but eating what I like led to obvious results. Although I still weigh less(and I’m also shorter)than the guys in the pic muse posted. I also always keep my hair short and basic and keep my face clean shaven. Never have been one to want any facial hair.




5 ft 8 isn't so bad, you're still taller than the majority of women, so if you happen to struggle with women, your height will have little to no impact on your dating prospects. You'll run into the occasional "height queen" who demands 6 ft or taller but they're the minority, and most women simply want a man that's taller than they are.

Your weight may or may not be an issue. But the good news is that it's fixable (to a certain extent) if you feel like it's a problem.


If I were a man your age, i'd take advantage of the colleges and try to meet women from there. Join clubs and organizations related to your interests and try to meet some college girls. Make it a goal to ask out at least 5 girls a year, and you 100% have a better chance of escaping compared to if you never asked anybody out.



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10 Aug 2022, 5:45 pm

It would be better if you went to college, to be honest.

Though, it must be said, there are many smart, and "for real" women who work in retail.



Muse933277
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10 Aug 2022, 7:02 pm

The last thing you want is to be 30 years old, and still be a virgin who has never had a girlfriend. Yes, it won't technically kill you, but most people don't really want to go that long without ever having dated, since we are sexual and romantic beings. And the longer you go, the more angry and bitter you will become.

That's why, I think it's fairly essential that you start dating soon.



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21 Aug 2022, 12:27 am

That karaoke thing was nothing worthwhile. Just a bunch of peeps much older than me that were there. I snuck out of there early.

Seems like it’ll be a few years before any singles event will be any good for me. I was the youngest person at both of the ones I went to and I had signed up for another one that was today, only to find that I had to be 23 for it.

Guys who are 22, and have done worse things than anything I’ve done, have done better than me with dating so far. I’ve never had sex yet. I hate life.


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Muse933277
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21 Aug 2022, 1:09 pm

CubsBullsBears wrote:
That karaoke thing was nothing worthwhile. Just a bunch of peeps much older than me that were there. I snuck out of there early.

Seems like it’ll be a few years before any singles event will be any good for me. I was the youngest person at both of the ones I went to and I had signed up for another one that was today, only to find that I had to be 23 for it.

Guys who are 22, and have done worse things than anything I’ve done, have done better than me with dating so far. I’ve never had sex yet. I hate life.



You have several different routes you can take if you want to improve your dating life. The success of each individual strategy will depend on your overall strengths, weaknesses, personality traits, how hard you try, and perhaps a little bit of luck.

1. You can go to college and try to meet a woman from there. Join college clubs, go to college events, etc... At 22, you're still young enough to where dating a 18, 19, 20, 21 year old won't be too weird, and you won't stand out too much at the college scene. The advantage of this method is that there's tons of women around your age congregated into an area, and you'll be in contact with a lot of women. The disadvantage is that you can't stick with this method forever as you will eventually get older, and it will be considered "weird" for you to date college age girls. I'd say you have another 3-4 years and once you turn 26 or 27, you might want to start looking elsewhere.


2. You can go the online dating route. With online dating, especially if you're average looking and below, don't expect a lot of success initially (unless you get really lucky!). But one strategy you can utilize is setting up an account and make it a goal to swipe on 100 girls per day, until you get at least one date. But to be upfront with you, it might take you a long time, simply because you're at a disadvantage as an average/below average straight male. Other dating apps you can utilize might be Bumble, Hinge, OkCupid, MeetMe, etc... Basically, the more apps you sign up for, the greater the odds of you finding a mate.


3. Going the "betabux" route A betabux is a slang term for a man who is below average looking in appearance and attracts women not through his looks, but through his ability to provide in a relationship whether through money or resources. Betabuxes are usually smart but nerdy guys that struggled with dating in high school and college, but were able to able to attract woman in their thirties through a combination of financial stability, and the fact that many women in their thirties are past their "party and hookup phase" and are ready to settle down with a husband material man.

Going the betabux route might be a potential solution to your dating problems, but it is not an immediate solution. It means going to school, taking your education seriously, and working towards financial wealth or at least financial stability. So that when you're in your thirties, women are much more likely to take you as a serious romantic prospect, especially if their goal is marriage and children. Women who didn't look your way at 20 because you were "a little too fat" may be more likely to give you a chance at 40 when their priorities change.


4. Going the SEAMAXX Route In certain parts of the world, white men are at an advantage in the dating market. For example, an average looking American man might receive 20 matches in Seattle within a week of using Tinder. However, if that same man were to use Tinder in Manilla Philippines, he would receive 150+. With that said, some men decide to look for women in south-east Asia either because dating is significantly easier there, or for whatever reason, they dislike dating western women. This method is known as SEAMaxxing. Although it's not a popular strategy (as of 2022) it's become increasingly more common as men who have struggled to find a girl in their home country are discovering just how much easier finding a partner is there.

However, there are some disadvantages. 1. You will need a good amount of money just to even arrive there. 2. You should have some solo traveling experience. 3. This probably won't be a viable strategy for you until you're ready to get married and settle down.