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Summer_Twilight
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17 Aug 2022, 4:22 pm

I want to talk in here about BDSM because I know it turns a lot of people on and they enjoy it. However, here are my thoughts about it. First, of all, I really think BDSM is ok as long as you do it with someone who you love and trust who is also into those kinds of role plays. I also think that two people who engage in that should try having regular sex first with your typical positions and go in small steps.



uncommondenominator
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17 Aug 2022, 4:47 pm

Summer_Twilight wrote:
I want to talk in here about BDSM because I know it turns a lot of people on and they enjoy it. However, here are my thoughts about it. First, of all, I really think BDSM is ok as long as you do it with someone who you love and trust who is also into those kinds of role plays. I also think that two people who engage in that should try having regular sex first with your typical positions and go in small steps.


There are two common acronyms in the BDSM community. SSC (Safe Sane Consentual) and RACK (Risk Aware Consentual Kink). It's typical to discuss in advance what will and won't be done, how far it will go, what each party is comfortable with, and other such details of the activity. Starting slow and simple is generally recommended, especially if between new / inexperienced partners. Do research. There are right and wrong ways to do many things, especially when it comes to the Bondage aspect of BDSM.

A Dominant who doesn't respect boundaries is generally just a bully.



StrayCat81
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18 Aug 2022, 5:30 pm

Guess my cute blood related kinks are technically part of it? But I'm also asexual, so no sex needed for that. Partners are very much optional too. In fact, finding someone who isn't vicious brute seems practically impossible anyway?



kraftiekortie
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18 Aug 2022, 5:36 pm

I would say "to each his/her own."

As long as it's consensual.

I'm not into this stuff myself.



Mona Pereth
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21 Aug 2022, 7:15 pm

Summer_Twilight wrote:
I also think that two people who engage in that should try having regular sex first with your typical positions and go in small steps.

Agreed about going in small steps, but not necessarily about having "regular sex" first. Some people just aren't into "regular sex."


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Mona Pereth
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21 Aug 2022, 7:17 pm

uncommondenominator wrote:
There are two common acronyms in the BDSM community. SSC (Safe Sane Consentual) and RACK (Risk Aware Consentual Kink). It's typical to discuss in advance what will and won't be done, how far it will go, what each party is comfortable with, and other such details of the activity. Starting slow and simple is generally recommended, especially if between new / inexperienced partners. Do research. There are right and wrong ways to do many things, especially when it comes to the Bondage aspect of BDSM.

Agreed on the importance of exploring the BDSM subculture and reading up on how to do various things safely.

uncommondenominator wrote:
A Dominant who doesn't respect boundaries is generally just a bully.

A very important point also.


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IsabellaLinton
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21 Aug 2022, 8:03 pm

After you read up, watch a couple of carefully-chosen videos to see how you feel.
Don't act immediately after watching the videos, though.
Also I recommend no drugs or alcohol.



rowan_nichol
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22 Aug 2022, 12:42 pm

The two primers I used in my researches were these :
"SM101 by Jay Wiseman" and "Screw the Roses, Send my the Thorns" by Philip Millar and Molly Devon.

SM101 has the greater emphasis on safety, reducing risks and other such important subjects.



Summer_Twilight
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23 Aug 2022, 10:15 am

If I am going to be the submissive then I would need to be with someone who I love and trust. I also think that taking turns playing roles would be appropriate so you have fairness.



rowan_nichol
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24 Aug 2022, 11:42 am

That makes sense.

Also a really good idea is each person having someone they trust acting as a safecall for any date where you might experiment, perhaps to check in before and after. Someone where there is both the delight of sharing news of a date which has gone well but more important, someone who know where you are, who you are with and can make inquiries if you miss that post date check in - much better if you have an accident to have emergency services turn up from a missed check in than be stuck, injured ( or worse) and no way of raising the alarm.



scozzieloz
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24 Aug 2022, 5:55 pm

I’ve partaken in BSDM, long before I realised I was part of the autistic community, but it sort of makes sense now, especially as regular sex bored me, after a while.

I’m naturally a sub and enjoy being dominated, but never bullied. I love the lack of control, which my femdom has — it’s a huge turn on for me.



Diverse4Me
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25 Aug 2022, 1:37 am

what they ^^ said.

Summer_Twilight wrote:
If I am going to be the submissive then I would need to be with someone who I love and trust.


probably a good idea if starting out :) 8O :twisted:

Summer_Twilight wrote:
I also think that taking turns playing roles would be appropriate so you have fairness.


Some people won't want to do that, want to always be dom or sub.

Personally I'm a Switch (alternate roles, depending) + like kink a little in general.

Also, been a while since i read any primers etc, but for most subs I've had anything to do with, aftercare is really important, for them to receive, but also for me to give.

Of course lots of other different ways to make things safer and saner.

It's a big wide *wild* world out there!

Whether ur partnered or not, there are lots of online communities out there, but another good place to start are "munches" especially those during the day, 8O where people just meet up in public places and are fairly low-key social and open. Also good for people not good at learning just from reading.

Though of course if you are adventurous you could just go to like a Hellfire night or something somewhere, and just watch, but that is not for everyone, even if experienced!

I'm a member on Fetlife, where people post not just what they're in to and photos, but many people write separate articles about whatever, their ideas, likes dislikes well everything.

You will also find regional groups, munches organised through there, etc etc.

And lots of other newbies and ppl who are just curious too.

Some ppl aren't necessarily into IRL or even virtual play, but just like accessories, or leather, vinyl, or masks :jester:

I'd say my 2c's worth, but probably a bit more than that in there I hope!


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Sweetleaf
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26 Aug 2022, 1:16 am

Mona Pereth wrote:
Summer_Twilight wrote:
I also think that two people who engage in that should try having regular sex first with your typical positions and go in small steps.

Agreed about going in small steps, but not necessarily about having "regular sex" first. Some people just aren't into "regular sex."


I am not into regular sex...bleh I can't help it, it bores me and makes it a chore. Found that out 5 years in my relationship but also I knew I had some kinky interests but I was embarrassed to say because I thought it was like something wrong with me and thought my boyfriend would think I am too weird. But well had to bring it up the 5 years in when my boyfriend could tell I wasn't getting into sex and I was frusterated by not getting into sex with him and it worked for us. so yeah for me like I need some bdsm elements to really enjoy sex. Idk why I am like that, but yeah what they call vanilla sex just wasn't doing it for me I just desire rougher sex and having my wrists tied so I can't get out is just a major turn on, no idea why I like it, just fun feeling like I am at my boyfriends mercy idk. But also I know I can trust him to untie or stop doing something if I am uncomfortable with it. I would for sure have to proceed more slowly with someone I did not know well cause like having your arms tied in an inescapable way is probably not something you want to do with someone you just met but I figured 5 years in with someone I do trust and love was not to high of a risk for that. bleh I hope that wasn't TMI for this part of the forum as I do not want this thread closed on account of people describing too far of sexual kinks or whateveer these sort of threads get shut down for. So yeah basically just agreeing that some people are just not into regular sex on its own.


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IsabellaLinton
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26 Aug 2022, 1:19 am

I can't do vanilla either. ^
If I try to do emotion and sex at the same time I short circuit.



Sweetleaf
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26 Aug 2022, 2:37 am

IsabellaLinton wrote:
I can't do vanilla either. ^
If I try to do emotion and sex at the same time I short circuit.


Yeah for sure when me and my boyfriend have sex its about us, like it is a time we forget about all the stresses and messed up things in the world to enjoy each other and just have fun. Like it its one of the times we can just throw everything else out out and make it all about us. We don't want that to be riddled with our worries and fears it is our time to just really enjoy each other. We can always worry later.


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