I wish I was dead. I hate my life sooooo much. How can I take care of a cat if I can’t take care of myself. Earlier, I get very emotional, I was hysterical crying, I almost made myself throw up. I feel like I don’t know how to do stuff for myself. I still want my mommy, she knew how to make things better, she loved me even when I was sooooo upset with her & fighting with her, she let me yell at her, so I wouldn’t hurt myself, I was banging my head on the cupboard doors. I was in my mid-30s, I REALLY COULD NOT control my anger, so my sister blamed me for how I treated our mom & now she think I’m bad. I couldn’t control my anger back then, now I can control it. Anyway, I’m too old to still need my mommy, she be gone for 9 years. Nobody understands me like she did, they were stuff that she didn’t understand. When I moved out of her house, I was still strongly not liking her, but she still supported me, she paid my rent & bills, she bought me a refrigerator, a new TV, when my old one broke, she gave me some of her furniture, she was checking in on me by bringing me stuff, medicines for my Psoriasis, food & other things, she was the best. We were working on our relationship by emails, I love that we made up before she got very sick with cancer. But I blamed myself for not being good daughter. Why can’t I grow up mentally? I soooooo hate Aspergers. I feel like I can wake up & it’s a different decade, & there are new ways to talk, different sayings that I don’t know, ALOT of new technology I see on the internet, smart apps to control your lights, your refrigerator, your front door, temperature control box & other things control by apps on your smartphone. I feel soooooo extremely outdated.
17 Aug 2022, 6:03 pm
