I'm getting agoraphobia, I know it

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I'm finding it harder and harder to leave my home, unless I'm in a car or I'm with someone.
Exposure doesn't help, as I walk home from work every day and even that causes emotional distress. I just want to stay indoors and never go out unless I'm with someone and in a car.

If I miss a bus I get really bad anxiety of having to sit in the bus stop waiting for the next one. I get the bus home from work to avoid having to walk (not due to laziness) but I still have to walk from the nearest bus stop to my home, which is quite a way. Sometimes this bus comes too early and I miss it if I'm still coming out from work.
I have complained about it on the chatroom thing, only to get laughed at. I suppose they don't understand how serious social anxiety and agoraphobia can feel to some of us.
One helpful person did send me a link to speak to the whatever-it's-called-thingie so I did that, but when I submitted it I found I had wrote that the bus often arrives 7 minutes late instead of early, so I re-sent the message and replaced late with early and hopefully it doesn't cause confusion to the person on the other end.

Anyway, that's slightly off-topic. I am having all the symptoms of agoraphobia. I am having some therapy about my social anxiety being out in public and I hope it helps, but if it doesn't then I don't know what else to do. I'd have to leave my job which I love and get a job working from home. I can't get a taxi every day because it's too expensive. My boyfriend drives me to work but is unable to drive me home.

I really do feel like I have got agoraphobia. I don't go out shopping any more. The streets, the general public, all scare me. It's like I'm exposed and everybody's looking at me and laughing, and I just want to stay indoors where I feel safe. 10 years ago I always wanted to be out. Now I just want to hide away, shut myself away from the world.

Were you bullied in school or recently?

In my teens and twenties I became a shut in due to only having bad experiences outdoors, and getting intense enjoyment from my special interests.

I got bullied on my way home from school as a teenager, and in adulthood I've had some bad experiences. After reading somewhere that it's inevitable Aspies get stared at and judged in public no matter how normal we look, it's made me want to be a hermit even more. It's making me seem bitter how NTs can make me feel like that but it's unacceptable if I do it. So I've got to be right at the bottom of the social hierarchy forever and it's not fair.

I'm also severely lacking sleep and it's come to a point where nothing works, not diet, environment, nothing. Lacking sleep is really having an affect on my mental health and I'm even struggling to go to work every day. I need to speak to the doctor but you can only get an appointment by phoning the surgery at 8am - which is far too early since I only get to sleep at like 5am, and having to wake myself up early causes distress. I work afternoons.
There is no other way to contact the surgery to get an appointment and it closes on weekends.

It's all becoming very disruptive to my life and I desperately need a day or two of catching up on much needed sleep, otherwise I'm going to get ill.

I think sleep deprivation is the cause of my heightened social anxiety/agoraphobia in public, as well as laziness at work (or lack of motivation). I'm in a bad state really. I need help.

You work five days a week? That sucks you cant get enough sleep.

I remember I basically shut down from 21-36 due to only having negative experiences. I wouldnt even talk to strangers unless it was absolutely necessary, even work colleauges or neighbours.

I had a strange thought process where every second spent outdoors seemed like a waste of time or a burden.

You should use your sick leave to see a doctor and catch up on sleep. The state you are in justifies your sick leave. I use my sick leave very easily such as when I'm just not in a mood to go to work. It allows me to relax a bit.

And yes, bullying is still a very serious problem because many people who claim to condemn bullying actually actively bully vulnerable people in a subtle manner so they won't get in trouble. Most people still think if someone is odd, it justifies treating that person badly/disrespectfully, which they don't realize, is exactly what bullying is.

I'm not sure I get sick leave. I had 2 weeks off last year when my mum died. I don't know if the company will allow me to have any more time off unless it's annual leave (holiday). I've booked a week off next week, just to recharge my batteries. Maybe I'll see the doctor then. I need to try sleeping pills, just to see if my mood goes back to normal. I'm just not feeling well mentally and I think it's due to sleep deprivation.

I wish you could go on a REAL holiday.....go on some rides in the amusement park, or go to the beach.

I am, next month. I won't say when and where due to privacy reasons but it's abroad. I'm worrying about the airport delays and I'm getting sick of all these strikes and staff shortages everywhere, another thing that is contributing to my anxiety.

But next week I'm just going to relax. Some might say that's wasting a week off but it's not.

People get vacations for a reason.

Even companies realize that people need a rest sometimes.

I hope you have a good time, wherever you go. You're certainly not "wasting your time." This is not the 19th century----when people worked 6 days a week, 12 hours a day, and made about $10 (about 2 or so Pounds) a week on average.

Last edited by kraftiekortie on 22 Aug 2022, 8:54 am, edited 1 time in total.

Sounds like a good idea

Yeah, I was in a situation similar where I was so stressed out that all I did was work, sleep, repeat. This went on for 5 years or so. It was absolute hell. I didn't leave the house apart from travelling to work and back and I was even getting all my shopping delivered. I didn't realise that all I had to do was walk away from the place that was causing the stress. It was like as though I was waiting for someone to tell me it was OK to do it. I did it in the end and I never looked back.

It was the work that was causing the stress even though I didn't see it as a stressful job. But it was just none stop relentless.

Sometimes you just have to think about your own health and well-being and walk away.

Good luck. Have a nice break. You deserve it.

I got diagnosed with Agoraphobia before I was diagnosed ASD. It was not open spaces or the outdoors that bothered me however, it was the people in those spaces. A definition of Agoraphobia including "Irrational fear of crowded spaces" doesn't make much sense to me, it's hardly irrational is it? Who likes to be in crowds unless you're facing a stage or sports pitch? Crowds usually means some sort of hold up with stressed out people or an angry mob.

I just feel so frightened of the streets. The only time I can tolerate it is in the morning. Otherwise I just can't deal with the judgemental people, the fact that I look vulnerable and stupid and easy to target (which makes me hate myself) and the probability of me being beaten up or murdered when out alone. I'm so scared. There are so many drug-addicts and drunk lowlives roaming around in gangs and now I have got to clean another building at work ran by the same company as well, which includes a lot of waiting in the street for the company cab to pick me up at certain times. I get so scared, especially during the winter months when it gets dark early. I don't like being out alone in the dark, I don't trust people and I'm feeling so vulnerable.
I tell people at work, including my boss, but they just say that I have to do it and to stop being such a wimp. But I can't help it if I am agoraphobic, can I?

I can't just leave my job. I have rent and bills to pay. And there's no guarantee I'll just get another job, not in this state the country is in financially right now. I'd feel irresponsible.

It seems all my anxieties branch out in different directions but are all linked together. I feel like I'm heading towards a nervous breakdown. I'm scared I'm going to break down in public when I feel at my most vulnerable. I really badly want to stay indoors and never face the world. Then these strangers in public will have to find someone else to stare and laugh at, because this freak (me) won't be there to amuse them any more.

I've been going out in the streets for 50-plus years now.

And I live in a place which has a lot of crime.

I'm a short man, and I look sort of nerdy (i.e., I'm sort of a "target").

I've never been beaten up, and I've certainly never been murdered.

Honestly, I doubt very much it's "probable" that you will get beaten up or murdered.

I was just thinking of that elderly man in the mobility scooter in London that got stabbed to death for no reason, in broad daylight as well. We've had serial killers in the city I live in. There was one a few years ago (diagnosed with autism of course ) and although he's locked up in the local prison, I'm so scared they're going to release him, because that's what they do in this country. Dangerous people get released from prison and they usually are just as evil as they were before they went in. They need to be locked away forever, no minimum, no bail, no second chances. If you kill people willingly then you are extremely dangerous and don't deserve a life.

I know, perfectly well, that "things happen."

Virtually all the time, if you take the usual urban precautions, nothing will happen to you.

I see many people in the streets. At least some of them have Aspergers. Very rarely do I notice a "difference" within people. I mind my own business----like 99% of people do.