Reasons for not being interested

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Noamx
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22 Aug 2022, 10:43 pm

Unfortunately, I hear "sorry, I'm not interested", or "No thanks, I got a boyfriend", and these kind of answers, alot more frequently than, "Sure, why not", "Okay, no problem", and so on, and yeah, its quite sad to be honest. I always kind of tried to find out why, but I realized it can be because of many different things, so theres probably not 1 single reason for that, and, it seems like its not always my fault too, so I kinda feel a little better about it sometimes.

I can say based on a percentage %, about 80% of the women I tried to ask to arrange a date, have replied with a negative answer or an answer of "I have a boyfriend", and thats a quite sad fact to be honest, I'm disappointed very much, but at the same time, I'm glad its probably not my fault most of the time. It requires more patience, hard work, determination, motivation, and so on.

Among the possible reasons I get a "No":

- The woman is in a bad mood
- The woman isnt looking for any relationship at the moment
- I dont look good enough for her
- She really has a boyfriend
- I asked her out in the middle of nowhere, so she probably felt uncomfortable at that situation/location
- She is a lesbian(not attracted to men)

I have no idea which one of the many reasons it could be, but I think its most frequently the 3rd one. Of course it can be multiple reasons at once, too.

Its quite funny to be honest, because women almost never actually say the real reason behind why she is not interested.

Can you explain what you think about all this?

Thanks


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About me, my name's Noam 32 years old from Israel, diagnosed with High functioning Autism at about age 21 but unofficially had this problem since I was born. From age 25 or so I started to function better but I still have alot of problems in my life. I live in Israel in a city called Ashdod, but I was born in Jerusalem. I'm Agnostic when it comes to religion.

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Twilightprincess
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22 Aug 2022, 10:52 pm

There are many more reasons besides the ones you listed, including not thinking the two of you were compatible. Personality is important.

I would say “no” to any guy that I didn’t know well and connect with first.


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klanka
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23 Aug 2022, 5:58 am

How long do you usually wait, and how well do you know them before you ask them out?

I've only gotten into a relationship when the lady made the first move,and that was when I was young. That was something that happened once in a blue moon.



MaxE
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23 Aug 2022, 6:14 am

If you're asking that many women then you're doing the right thing. Given that most men and women probably prefer to be in a relationship, then it stands to reason most you ask are in one, and it's reasonable to expect that some who aren't still aren't attracted to you.

Have you ever been on a real date? Have you ever been on a date with the same woman? If never then there might be something wrong with your approach.


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rse92
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23 Aug 2022, 7:51 am

She's just not into you. Accept it and move on.



kraftiekortie
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23 Aug 2022, 7:56 am

Women are afraid to tell men the "real reason"----because women are concerned about how certain men would react to this rejection. Sometimes, rejected men get really upset, and do harmful things to themselves and others.

I've been rejected many times, for many reasons. I get upset----but I move on pretty quickly.

I've been told "the truth" a few times. One woman said that she just didn't love me. I asked her why? She said, in essence, that "love just has to happen." And it didn't "happen" in this case. I was rather upset----but I knew I had to accept this. Some guys wouldn't "accept this," unfortunately.

I wish I had an easy solution to your situation. I would probably be able to advise you better if I actually know you in person. Otherwise, all I (and we) can give is general advice.

Do you have a certain "special interest"?



Last edited by kraftiekortie on 23 Aug 2022, 8:15 am, edited 1 time in total.

Twilightprincess
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23 Aug 2022, 8:03 am

Quote:
Women are afraid to tell men the "real reason"----because women are concerned about how certain men would react to this rejection.
It depends on the woman.

If I, personally, am asked out by a random stranger, I’d normally say that I was married or that I had a boyfriend. It’s easier and feels safer and less awkward than the alternative.


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kraftiekortie
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23 Aug 2022, 8:05 am

I see nothing wrong with the above. It's smart.

I don't think of it as "lying." I think of it as "diplomacy."



Twilightprincess
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23 Aug 2022, 8:12 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
I see nothing wrong with the above. It's smart.

It’s decidedly better than saying that I find the guy weird and creepy as I often would in these scenarios.

I’m not saying that the OP is weird and creepy, but most of the time, random strangers who’ve asked me out would fit that description.

If someone doesn’t know me at all, I don’t see how they could think that a date would be a good idea. It wouldn’t seem like they were all that interested in my personality.

That’s just my take anyway. Maybe I’m choosier than some. Every woman is different.


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kraftiekortie
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23 Aug 2022, 8:17 am

I find that it's usually better if one is friends with a woman for a little while before broaching the subject of romance. I feel like this usually renders relatively smooth the path towards a fine relationship.

I'm not saying it's "always," better, by the way.



Last edited by kraftiekortie on 23 Aug 2022, 8:21 am, edited 1 time in total.

naturalplastic
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23 Aug 2022, 8:19 am

Youre not Hugh Jackman, or Brad Pitt, or George Clooney, or whomever your fav rock star is.

Dont expect ladies to throw themselves at you.

Expect failure. Like an insurance salesman - expect more rejections than leads.

If someone is not attracted to you then they are ...just not attracted to you, and they dont owe you any explanation for why they are not.



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23 Aug 2022, 9:54 am

You can't expect everybody to be attracted to you.


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kraftiekortie
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23 Aug 2022, 10:08 am

How do you ask people out, anyway? In what situations?



Summer_Twilight
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23 Aug 2022, 10:24 am

In order for someone to be interested, they have to share the same feelings and there has to be a chemistry between the two of you. There may also be an issue with compatibility. You may have issues with different personalities, different places in your live etc.

As for signs of someone not being interest in you
1. You are the one who is reaching out to the person
2. If you see them at events, they often ignore and talk to other men
3 They may flirt with you but they chose your friend over you and bring them to an event
4 If they ignore you at an event 90% of the time but talk to you the other 10%
5 If a new person is at the same event and your crush is there, chances are they will spend all their time talking to that person 95% of first meeting them
6. If they don't give you their number right away


I had a huge crush on someone who was not interested me for years and he gave off a lot of the hints above



rse92
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23 Aug 2022, 12:18 pm

Are you the best you can be?

Best educated, best employed, best groomed, best fit you can be?

If you are not interested in yourself, women won't be interested in you.



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23 Aug 2022, 12:47 pm

Noamx wrote:
Unfortunately, I hear "sorry, I'm not interested", or "No thanks, I got a boyfriend", and these kind of answers, alot more frequently than, "Sure, why not", "Okay, no problem", and so on, and yeah, its quite sad to be honest. I always kind of tried to find out why, but I realized it can be because of many different things, so theres probably not 1 single reason for that, and, it seems like its not always my fault too, so I kinda feel a little better about it sometimes.

I can say based on a percentage %, about 80% of the women I tried to ask to arrange a date, have replied with a negative answer or an answer of "I have a boyfriend", and thats a quite sad fact to be honest, I'm disappointed very much, but at the same time, I'm glad its probably not my fault most of the time. It requires more patience, hard work, determination, motivation, and so on.

Among the possible reasons I get a "No":

- The woman is in a bad mood
- The woman isnt looking for any relationship at the moment
- I dont look good enough for her
- She really has a boyfriend
- I asked her out in the middle of nowhere, so she probably felt uncomfortable at that situation/location
- She is a lesbian(not attracted to men)

I have no idea which one of the many reasons it could be, but I think its most frequently the 3rd one. Of course it can be multiple reasons at once, too.

Its quite funny to be honest, because women almost never actually say the real reason behind why she is not interested.

Can you explain what you think about all this?

Thanks


I'm guessing from that that you are only assuming why they say no. Going from your percentage of 80% and the many possible reasons for rejection you must have asked a fair few women out. I mean the chances of hitting on a lesbian out in the wild would be pretty low unless you went to a place where lesbians go to hang out. So I'd take that possible reason off your list, unless of course a woman told you they are a lesbian.

How many times have you asked a woman out in the middle of nowhere? This seems an odd thing to do to me. If you do this a lot then this for me would definitely be the main reason why you are being rejected. Plus asking her out in this way would not only put her in a bad mood (another possible reason) but it would also be a cause for concern.

Why do you feel you don't look good enough for her? Have you been told this by a woman? If so then you need to learn by this and make an effort to look like someone who a woman would want to date. Also maybe you are punching above your weight. It's hard to know as I cannot see you.

There's not much you can do if she already has a bf unless you mean to steal her away but for this you need to be a much better option than the one she already has.

If she's not looking for a relationship right now then does this mean she maybe looking in the future and if so is she worth the wait? Maybe in this case it's best for you to look elsewhere.


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