I don't want to live

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I'm sure most of autistic people had this terrible feeling of unworthiness. I believe that I went through a lot of challenges, as other ND people did, but sometimes it feels like I don't do enough. The world is so cruel to neurodivergent people and sometimes I just want to be able to think like other people do so I wouldn't experience this terrible alienated feeling like I'm having to deal with other species. I don't have a will to do anything in my life because it feels like it's not worth it. I feel better going through forums here because it feels great to see that you aren't the only one struggling and that there are people who are capable of understanding your way of thinking. Thank you so much guys, I'm getting it off my heart somewhere where I can be understood and it makes me feel a little better

I dont want to live either.
I've had suicidal ideation my whole life , I think that is even listed as a symptom of ASD

https://www.camhsnorthderbyshire.nhs.uk ... y-in-asd-1

Seems pretty common

I'm glad you're talking to us here and I'm sorry you're hurting so much. It is indeed a cruel, neurotypical world and a hard one to live in at times. Sometimes I fantasize about escaping to an uninhabited island or another planet with other autistic and neurodivergent people and leaving the NTs behind. But I guess that'll never happen. So I cherish the neurodivergent friends I have and hope to make more. Try to remember its not your fault...you didn't ask to be born into this society and it sounds like you're doing the best you can.

Welcome to Wrong Planet. I too had a dream about living someplace a little off the beaten track. I set my mind towards that goal and made it come true. I built my own home in the woods and I have lived within my special world, with my wife and raising my two daughters for over 45 years. Now my children are married and raising families of their own.

You wrote: I've always dreamed of living in some area with few to no people, surrounded by beautiful nature and mountains

It's a good dream and it is doable. Make it happen.

TV, movies, magazines, and all media tend to project a monolithic view of society. This tends to make those of us on the fringe feel more alienated. This feeling can be lessened to the degree that we can recognize that what has been projected to us is false.

Attractive people saying things that others have written is not reality. Sadly many people take this projection and adopt it as if it were real. Rather than feeling bad because we are rejected from this mass delusion, we may discover how to navigate among others who are either are rejected by or have come to also reject a social construct based on fiction.

Like the movie the Matrix, we may only find those with whom we might connect among others who have also escaped.

This is a difficult road for several reasons. Most of us who have been through public school have an unnatural social peer dependence that amplifies a need for social acceptance. Some advertisers exploits insecurities to prey upon fear to sell their products.

In the last 100 years most families have been decimated and transportation has give a mobility that has also further isolated people. perhaps people with Aspergers sensitivity have felt the leading edge of these social changes more profoundly.

Like a survivor on a battlefield, we are left to make our own way. This forum can be helpful in sharing strategies and encouragement in learning how to navigate the mess this world has become.

Such a good exchange here. I am very grateful I can read all this.

Sweet Pea hugs