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Regulan
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24 Aug 2022, 1:53 am

I am (severely) clinically depressed again after many years and I am just extremely tired of people telling me what to do and pointing me things that are absolute nonsense (to my person) as if I am doing something or many things wrong, therefore I got depressed. I need the opposite and nobody notices this, no matter if I tell them. They must tell BS as if they were better because they don´t have or had a bad depression or/and they are not autistic. That irritates me.

Yesterday I put all my scarce energy together and went to a doctor (because I had an online consultation in my native language and got an online prescription that needed to be revalidated in here) and he told me I need to go to the church and that God heals everything. Than there was this weird discussion of me telling him that the medication has nothing to do with beliefs and that I need to function because I have other people that depend on me.

I went out of there feeling worse than when I came in, feeling stuffed with all this non requested conseling and a deep disappointment.

I think one can be doing many things "right" and get depressed. It has nothing with another failure that I have.

I needed to write this down because I do feel unsupported when I need the most. It´s not the first time it happens.



timf
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24 Aug 2022, 6:35 am

There can be developmental contributions to depression which might be amenable to therapy. However, often chemical and neurological factors can have a more significant role. Seeing a psychiatrist (a medical doctor who practices psychiatric medicine) will most likely get you prescribes a SSRI. This could be helpful, but there are side effects as well.

Often factors such as diet, sleep, nutrition, and exercise can be neglected. Also experimentation with supplements might discover something helpful. Supplements usually have no effect so the risk is lower of a bad result. However, occasionally one can stumble across something that is helpful for them.

The problem with depression is that an ambitious program of experimentation is not something usually undertaken when depressed. It is like a roof that leaks, it can't be fixed when it is raining and it doesn't need to be fixed when it isn't.



Dillogic
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24 Aug 2022, 7:21 am

"God" seems to prefer harming over healing as far as I can tell, but maybe that serves a purpose in and of itself. :| I guess suffering makes better people or something. That's what I like to tell myself anyway.

There's usually not much help out there. We often have to rely on ourselves and whatever energy we can muster for our own self-help, which usually isn't much when it comes to these medical labels. Then if anyone relies on you.... I don't really like help, so I guess I'm lucky that I don't feel that disappointment; I'll trudge along on my own as I haven't known any different.

Funnily, I found out I had MDD with the melancholia specifier back in early 2017. It's funny because I've always felt this way, or at least where my life kinda split apart and I stumbled down the fork in the road where rust lines the surface over that polish. Medication hasn't done much of anything for it.

Hopefully it improves for you.



delvian
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24 Aug 2022, 7:43 am

Thanks for sharing. It's hard to not be depressed when modern society is the way it is and we're all so disconnected from each other. We're expected to "take responsibility" for our mental health when a huge part of the reason we're struggling in the first place is because of the sh***y world we live in that we are mostly powerless to change. And the people around us are more likely to give us advice on how we should behave rather than just listen and be understanding.

I'm sorry that doctor was so unhelpful. I would have been as disappointed as you were.



Double Retired
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24 Aug 2022, 8:21 am

Not an area of my expertise except it sounds to me like you should be seeing a different doctor...one who believes in Science.


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Regulan
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24 Aug 2022, 10:26 am

Dillogic wrote:
"God" seems to prefer harming over healing as far as I can tell, but maybe that serves a purpose in and of itself. :| I guess suffering makes better people or something. That's what I like to tell myself anyway.

There's usually not much help out there. We often have to rely on ourselves and whatever energy we can muster for our own self-help, which usually isn't much when it comes to these medical labels. Then if anyone relies on you.... I don't really like help, so I guess I'm lucky that I don't feel that disappointment; I'll trudge along on my own as I haven't known any different.

Funnily, I found out I had MDD with the melancholia specifier back in early 2017. It's funny because I've always felt this way, or at least where my life kinda split apart and I stumbled down the fork in the road where rust lines the surface over that polish. Medication hasn't done much of anything for it.

Hopefully it improves for you.


I have also those melancholic features. Meds did also not help me in the past and I am autodidactic for lots of things, so talking to neurotypical people did not work. Somehow it took a long time of self digesting with lots of different approaches for me to slowly be able to get out of the deep hole I was.

And then I don't want to go back there. Maybe if I learn more about how to accept the weird me: the hard process of deconstruction and construction that is always take place inside me. It's painful, but there is delight in such a pain.

Thank you for writing about your experience. It was very helpful.



Regulan
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24 Aug 2022, 10:31 am

Double Retired wrote:
Not an area of my expertise except it sounds to me like you should be seeing a different doctor...one who believes in Science.


I agree. It was a very unprofessional approach.



Regulan
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24 Aug 2022, 10:35 am

delvian wrote:
Thanks for sharing. It's hard to not be depressed when modern society is the way it is and we're all so disconnected from each other. We're expected to "take responsibility" for our mental health when a huge part of the reason we're struggling in the first place is because of the sh***y world we live in that we are mostly powerless to change. And the people around us are more likely to give us advice on how we should behave rather than just listen and be understanding.

I'm sorry that doctor was so unhelpful. I would have been as disappointed as you were.


Thanks, delvian. Some things should be obvious to everyone, but unfortunately they are not. These need to judge bases on one's narrow views and the non constructive criticism...



Regulan
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24 Aug 2022, 10:49 am

timf wrote:
There can be developmental contributions to depression which might be amenable to therapy. However, often chemical and neurological factors can have a more significant role. Seeing a psychiatrist (a medical doctor who practices psychiatric medicine) will most likely get you prescribes a SSRI. This could be helpful, but there are side effects as well.

Often factors such as diet, sleep, nutrition, and exercise can be neglected. Also experimentation with supplements might discover something helpful. Supplements usually have no effect so the risk is lower of a bad result. However, occasionally one can stumble across something that is helpful for them.

The problem with depression is that an ambitious program of experimentation is not something usually undertaken when depressed. It is like a roof that leaks, it can't be fixed when it is raining and it doesn't need to be fixed when it isn't.


Thank you, timf. I am trying to do the health care as good as I can. I grow some of my own food, and I use to walk in the woods and farm life is very active, even if I don't work too much and at the moment I am not been able to do anything.

I will see if I can improve some eventual mineral or vitamin deficiencies but I see me struggling with communicating with my family and getting too oft too sad and upset about things like the health of the woods and things like that... I am very emotive. I just don't show it most of the time and feelings keep pouring it the inside too much then I feel blunt when depression kicks in (second time in my life). Because I manage this more or less and the worst of it is not a permanent situation, it could be that I don´t have melancholic features, but I don´t care about the labels anymore.



Last edited by Regulan on 24 Aug 2022, 11:17 am, edited 2 times in total.

delvian
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24 Aug 2022, 11:05 am

Regulan wrote:
Maybe if I learn more about how to accept the weird me: the hard process of deconstruction and construction that is always take place inside me. It's painful, but there is delight in such a pain.

I can relate to this a lot. It's hard but I believe it is worth it. I wish you well in this journey.



Regulan
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24 Aug 2022, 12:05 pm

delvian wrote:
Regulan wrote:
Maybe if I learn more about how to accept the weird me: the hard process of deconstruction and construction that is always take place inside me. It's painful, but there is delight in such a pain.

I can relate to this a lot. It's hard but I believe it is worth it. I wish you well in this journey.


Thank you.
I am having much difficulty organizing my thoughts, lately and I have to put lots of effort in writing here. I appreciate all words and I try to embrace things as they come. Maybe the new process of finding myself as autistic plays a role in another phase of deconstruction and reconstruction that I must go through.



timf
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24 Aug 2022, 1:02 pm

People with a high level of emotional sensitivity may have an artistic inclination. You may want to experiment with art, music, drawing, writing, etc. to see if that can provide a release for you.



Regulan
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24 Aug 2022, 1:27 pm

timf wrote:
People with a high level of emotional sensitivity may have an artistic inclination. You may want to experiment with art, music, drawing, writing, etc. to see if that can provide a release for you.


8O

I draw and paint. I did not know I could do that. Someone gave me an oil paint set some time ago, I took a wooden board and I painted it with some brushes I´ve found. I have no idea what I would do and how but it came out as if I have done that before. For the drawing and painting I did not have to self teach. It´s just observing something and it goes.I play classic piano and clàrsach (harp was self taught).

Your comment makes me think that I have been negleting much of my own interests lately. I love the summer and early autumn, but it is when I have the most to do with the harvest and preserving food.

I will think over and over about this. Much gratitute here.



Cobracommander44
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24 Aug 2022, 3:46 pm

Hey I feel ya. I have been clinically depresses since I was a teenager (am 31 now) and I always am told the same stuff like im not doing things right. I just try to shrugg it off and try to find things that make me happy. Some people have told me different coping mechanisms and self help tools. I may try some



Regulan
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24 Aug 2022, 3:54 pm

While I read you all here I start recognising that 2 of the 3 people that I understand they are my friends, I see in person twice a year and we have no contact in between. It´s the first time I write in a forum and I feel like you are all much closer. It´s too much of a good thing to have you all here as I experience this!



Regulan
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24 Aug 2022, 4:14 pm

Cobracommander44 wrote:
Hey I feel ya. I have been clinically depresses since I was a teenager (am 31 now) and I always am told the same stuff like im not doing things right. I just try to shrugg it off and try to find things that make me happy. Some people have told me different coping mechanisms and self help tools. I may try some


Try the things that feel good to you. It´s not always easy to welcome changes but they are there all the time and we live at a time where people don´t welcome what feels dreadful and they don´t celebrate it as some passage ritual in their lives. Sometimes I try things out of desperation which I would, otherwise, never have tried. The point is to make peace with these dreadful hours by accepting them I think, while removing what we can (and it´s not always possible) from the whole world out there.

I think of the people in a distant past that just might have left their depressed alone, until they got themselves right. Some, if not many natives ( I write about the part of my family which descends from native americans) are just peaceful and don´t think bad at all when some people experience important existential shifts. Often it comes with gifts. Today we are rushed inside and outside our heads. It´s just a picture I have in my mind, of many so called "primitive" cultures around the globe. Maybe I am not right about this but I write based on things that I read and many that I remember from my childhood.