Do you make eye contact to info-dump?
I used to read in books set in the 1800's where men used to retire to the drawing room specifically to discuss deep topics. Gone are those days.
I agree. The art of conversation is dying or dead. I can only have decent conversations with people over about 75 now as they learned how to do so.
Most younger people just lecture me about themselves or go into a monologue, not letting me get a word in. Let alone take turns to talk. 'To me, to you, to me, to you' as the Chuckle Brothers would say
That's interesting, so there is a clear divide then. We used to discuss things in school and less so in college...but then nothing
I used to read in books set in the 1800's where men used to retire to the drawing room specifically to discuss deep topics. Gone are those days.
I agree. The art of conversation is dying or dead. I can only have decent conversations with people over about 75 now as they learned how to do so.
Most younger people just lecture me about themselves or go into a monologue, not letting me get a word in. Let alone take turns to talk. 'To me, to you, to me, to you' as the Chuckle Brothers would say
That's actually true for some young people. I actually thought there was a lot of autistic people around me at one point but maybe it's just that some people haven't learned the art of dialogue.
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Nowadays am fairly alert if I get into a info dump . About many things about my listener. Never used to do this most of my life , Even though I do make eye contact. ..It took a few years of being hit in the head . When I did not ..
When very little .. I could not . And after a fashion it became a self defense thing, Eventually parents stopped
This reaction to my not making eye contact . It was then the self defense came into existence. By watching my siblings and parents facial expressions / eyes,if only for a few moments , I could determine whether attack was imminent. This became a carry over as I aged . It was very confusing when a parent would hit me at that age .
Especially in the head . Cause I associated whipping or spankings . With normal Anger . But not head strikes .
So weirdly enough . Initially , I had no reaction , cause I did not understand . Must be a bug landed on me or some such .? After they had started to stop doing this was when , it occurred to me that if I watched body language and face and eyes . Could determine at a “distance “ whether physical trouble was coming .Especially with people I knew.
So observing the entire person learned to configure determinations about intent . Then you add audible info.
Things that were said and how.Were another clue .
There are professionals that understand this in their marketing abilities,in subtle ways . some psyche people and even some law enforcement, And stock brokers I believe. In dealing with their clients . Even after all these years it is still kind of a work in progress. It seems many NT people don’t
Always like prolonged eye contact even with other NTs .So manage to try to keep it brief if I do , but most often . I will look around the person . Forehead what ever. To judge reactions, if for no other reason than safety. But generally the more directly important a situation (potential harm of whatever kind) is will increase my intensity of observations.
Law enforcement or most lawyers , prosecutors are the most deceitful . And often the situation maybe predetermined by the powers that be inspite of their appearances . A lot of this helped masking , but these skills can go away.
When your out of spoons . Have had prosecutors in court use the idea of wearing people out in court with a defendant , trying defend themselves . By moving the court case to later and later appearances in court during the day.
Hoping defendants will lose ability to maintain concentration . And no I do not have criminal history but have run ins
With Many criminal legal types . With people trying to implicate me . Due to living next door in a remote rural area
to people whom were supporting ongoing criminal activity . Used to be much more legally naive .
(None of what I have written here is conjecture, All based on first hand experiences)
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Diagnosed hfa
Loves velcro,
If you come to the US, don't go into a bar and ask for the "toilet." Ask for the "restroom" or "bathroom." Though I don't believe people get too offended by "toilet" these days.
"Washroom" is a purely Canadian term.
Oh yes, that's quite funny. English people ask for the 'loo' or the 'bog'
Also, as I expect you know, 'washing up' in Britain means 'washing the dishes'. I think that 'washing up' in America means 'washing my face/body' or something.
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That alien woman. On Earth to observe and wonder about homo sapiens.
If you come to the US, don't go into a bar and ask for the "toilet." Ask for the "restroom" or "bathroom." Though I don't believe people get too offended by "toilet" these days.
"Washroom" is a purely Canadian term.
Oh yes, that's quite funny. English people ask for the 'loo' or the 'bog'
Also, as I expect you know, 'washing up' in Britain means 'washing the dishes'. I think that 'washing up' in America means 'washing my face/body' or something.
that would be a funny conversation to have if both the American person and the English person was unaware of the difference in meanings.
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We have existence
Most younger people just lecture me about themselves or go into a monologue, not letting me get a word in. Let alone take turns to talk. 'To me, to you, to me, to you' as the Chuckle Brothers would say
That's actually true for some young people. I actually thought there was a lot of autistic people around me at one point but maybe it's just that some people haven't learned the art of dialogue.
I think because people tend to sit watching TV and looking at their phones/ computers now instead of interacting with each other. We need conversation lessons
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That alien woman. On Earth to observe and wonder about homo sapiens.
that would be a funny conversation to have if both the American person and the English person was unaware of the difference in meanings.
Yes I've heard stories of people getting confused by the 'washing up' double meaning
The one that confuses me is, 'crack a window'. In Britain that means 'break/smash a window' but in America it means 'open a window'
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That alien woman. On Earth to observe and wonder about homo sapiens.
"Washing up" in the US = washing yourself up to taking a "sponge bath." Not a proper shower or bath. Usually said in the phrase "washing up for dinner."
"Crack a window" = open the window a tiny bit.
Do you say "wash wares" for what we call "doing the dishes"?
I say "washing the pots" or "washing the dishes".
We used to call having a quick wash instead of a bath or shower; a "cat's lick". I still call it that actually.
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We have existence
Many, if not most, interactions are NOT predicated on trust. So I don't think the idea of being false, a liar and not being trustworthy are what come to mind when avoiding eye contact is noticed. Instead, most people see it as extreme insecurity and submissiveness. Before I was diagnosed with ASD, if someone would've avoided eye contact altogether with me, I would've assumed either they were being intimidated by me (even if I wasn't trying to scare them), or that they had a self-esteem problem. I wouldn't assume dishonesty. People lie all the time while making eye contact.
But extreme lack of self-confidence or insecurity would seemingly cause avoidance of eye contact, or at least, that's what the avoidance conveys. Some people say they avoid it because it physically burns, but this isn't the reason most avoiders refrain from it. Whatever their reason, it sends the message of very poor self-assuredness or high vulnerability. This is why predators will give eye contact to see how the potential victim responds. Though I'm autistic, I will never avert eye contact if I believe the other person is sizing me up for an assault or some kind of predatory action.
Just today I was explaining something lengthy and avoiding eye contact in the process because I think better while explaining if my eyes hover on some neutral area off the person. But while SHE was EXPLAINING something really important, I locked eyes -- to let her know I was paying attention and not skittish.
Eye contact is my new special interest, and if someone avoids it with me, I now know they're probably autistic.
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