I would love to say hi but I feel uneasy

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Summer_Twilight
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25 Aug 2022, 1:43 pm

I recently stumbled across a Tiktok account of a former friend of mine who I have not been on speaking terms with because:
A. She was unreliable in the past
B. I was at the bottom of my list though she kept assuring me that I was her "Best friend"
C. She made and broke promises to me all the time which was maddening
D. She always had the need to be right and I could never get through to her about how she was not being a good friend
E. I was always the other person's fault when she did things they didn't like
F. If she doesn't like you or holds a grudge, she's known to be extremely emotionally abusive
G. I was always stepping on eggshells around her
H. It was all about her

The last time I heard from hear was nearly 10 years ago was after I attempted to reach out, she was nasty.

"We're not friends, you dumped me when I needed you the most. I forgive you but don't contact my family," so I let her go.

Anyway, I looked through her Tiktok videos and though I wanted to say hi and like her videos, she's so unpredictable that it's not even funny.



klanka
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25 Aug 2022, 1:51 pm

I wouldn't if I were you as you'd just experience the same stuff



DanielW
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25 Aug 2022, 1:55 pm

I see nothing to be gained form reaching out to this person. You already know how she has responded in the past, and she has made her own feelings quite clear. If you want to reach out to people on TikTok, I'd suggest someone new, there are plenty of others to say "Hi" to, and you stand less chance of a rebuff.



Summer_Twilight
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25 Aug 2022, 2:12 pm

When looked at her videos, I honestly got a really icky feeling. For example, some of them seem to show how she likes to play the victim while other show that she's a very angry person who thinks she's right no matter what.

For example, I found one where she was using the "Never have I ever: five fingers" to prove that people are talking about her behind her back. She then flipped the bird off in video at the people who "Hurt her" and let her down.



Last edited by Summer_Twilight on 25 Aug 2022, 3:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Mona Pereth
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25 Aug 2022, 2:15 pm

To Summer_Twilight:

Is there any particular reason why you would WANT to contact her?

If there isn't some overwhelming reason why you WANT to contact her, then it sounds to me like it's probably best to avoid her.


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Summer_Twilight
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25 Aug 2022, 2:21 pm

Hi Mona:
There is just a part of me who would love to say hi to her because there is a part of me who cares about her and I would like her to know that. Looking at the videos though, I can tell that we just are not compatible. For one thing, her video content tells me that she's quite immature. I also don't have anything in common with her really.



delvian
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25 Aug 2022, 4:56 pm

If you can see all the red flags that she's just as toxic as she was before, and watching her videos gives you an "icky" feeling, your gut is trying to tell you to stay away. Listening to your gut instinct in this case is probably the healthiest and kindest thing you could do for yourself. If you ignore everything you know and everything your gut is telling you and contact her anyway and she ends up being mean or toxic or hurting you in some way, will you really be able to put all the responsibility for that on her if you could have just stayed away?



Summer_Twilight
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26 Aug 2022, 8:27 am

delvian wrote:
If you can see all the red flags that she's just as toxic as she was before, and watching her videos gives you an "icky" feeling, your gut is trying to tell you to stay away. Listening to your gut instinct in this case is probably the healthiest and kindest thing you could do for yourself. If you ignore everything you know and everything your gut is telling you and contact her anyway and she ends up being mean or toxic or hurting you in some way, will you really be able to put all the responsibility for that on her if you could have just stayed away?



Hi Delvian, you bring up a really good point about it being my own choice that I reached out to her and got hurt trying. However, I think we have to also realize that she would also make the choice to be mean and obnoxious. That's why I just watched her videos and didn't comment on or hit like on her videos because she's so unpredictable. In fact, I decided to just go ahead and continue to leave her alone by blocking her.

I also had a chance to do some thinking about the situation as I am talking through this. For one thing, at no time in the last 10 years has she bothered to reach out to me and see how I am doing. Also, she's never cared about me.



delvian
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26 Aug 2022, 12:14 pm

It sounds like you're a smart and thoughtful person who is probably better off without her.