Failure to find a girlfriend

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I think setting up dates is a very good idea. We need to bring back dates.

I tried to go to these places to find a girlfriend there. The problem is, I went there alone because I dont have friends to go with and I felt uncomfortable because I had no friends with me there. Everyone else knew each other previously and talked with each other. But the bigger problem with these kind of parties is, there can be alot of noise in these places, its not easy to handle a conversation with a woman in places with a lot of noise.

Other than that, I agree the chances are higher at places where the woman will feel more comfortable.

I dont know if normal friends can help find a girlfriend, because the few friends I have, arent very good with women themselves.

I get the idea generally, but there are still some things I dont get, like for example, if the fact I didnt start a conversation was the problem, or it can be sometimes a good idea to wait for a woman to talk to me first. Can you explain what you think about all that?

Another day, another failure to find a girlfriend.

Sometimes, two people can meet if they are at a place for a common purpose---like going to a doctor or something like that.

Just getting on a bus to go somewhere doesn't count.

No I haven't even heard of it, but thanks for the link.

Mine was in a waiting room. I guess our common thing is that we had both buggered up our backs.
He was talking to a receptionist about a place I've visited, so I invited myself into the fray.

Then that became our common interest.

It was a serendipitous happening for Isabella. And she participated in the situation. Both were fortunate at that time. This sort of thing doesn't happen too often.

Can you explain why you think a woman feels uncomfortable in a bus, but feels comfortable in waiting for a doctor? Comfortable with other man talking to her, out of nowhere, I mean. Or maybe not "out of nowhere", depends how the specific woman specifically looked at things at that moment.

What causes a more comfortable feeling for women about the place the man had started a conversation with her, even if not explicitly asking for a date or phone number? Even if it was just a random question related to the situation. Like for example, if I asked her a random question about work if I saw her at my workplace. Also, is there a point sometimes to wait for her to talk to me first, or I must always talk to her first?

Probably most women wouldn't want some guy to talk to them at a doctor's office.

But there are times when they have a shared purpose there. This might have been the case with Isabella.

In this case, Isabella was a more active "participant" than most women. Like I said, both were lucky to have met each other so serendipitously.

Who knows? Maybe something as serendipitous might happen for you. Not making promises, certainly----but who knows?

Also: there's more security at a doctor's office. Maybe a person is more on his/her "best behavior" at a doctor's office. There tends to be more riffraff at bus stations.

When you're at the doctor's office, you have to assess whether the woman actually wants to talk to somebody. It's possible she might not want to for many reasons----probably none of which has anything to do with you.

Last edited by kraftiekortie on 26 Aug 2022, 5:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I had a random man chat me up in a waiting room about six months prior.
I forgot how that one started but he knew my family history.
He gave me his number and was really into talking.
He was actually nice looking and seemed sincere, but something made me freeze.
I ripped up the number and never contacted him.


When MR gave me his number I wasn't sure if I was interested.
I couldn't drive because my back was so sore, and my daughter picked me up.
She saw me talking to him and said he looked like a good guy.
It took me a few days to text him.
He was pretty shocked that I replied, which tells me most women wouldn't.

Noamx: One thing that helped is that our mutual doctor knew him.
When I went in for the app't I told him we'd been chatting.
He only had good things to say about him.

Without the receptionist or the doctor (or my daughter), I don't know.

There's less riffraff in the whole country of Israel than a single New York bus station. Seriously.

That's how I remembered it anyway.

He didn't talk to me at first.
He was talking to the receptionist first.

I budded in by talking about the city.
That was very uncharacteristic of me.

Normally I don't speak to strangers.
I hate when people stand around telling their life story to reception.
He had an ease about him and seemed interesting.

I wasn't consciously trying to get a date.
I just wanted to talk to him.
I still want to talk to him nearly three years later.

I have a few new questions for you all, I hope you can answer.

1) What situations I should wait for woman to talk to me first, or there are never such situations and I should always be first?

2) If at the end of the conversation I asked for her phone number and she wasnt interested and didnt give the number, should I ask why or better off stay ignorant and not try to find out why?

3) If she gave me her phone number after a successful conversation, should I call 3 hours later, or 1 hour later, or 1 day later, or 3 days later... or when?

4) If I'm confused about whether to call her or send a whatsapp message / facebook message / and so on, should I ask what she prefers, or simply decide by myself about it?

5) If I called her and she didnt answer, should I leave a message to let her know I was looking for her, or just leave it at that and hope she have seen the missed call and call back later?

6) If she says she has a boyfriend, is it worth finding out if its true or not, or just forget her and move forward without trying to find out these things?

(i.e., the guy got sort of lucky).

That sort of luck hasn't happened for me.

In my own experience in college the ladies that were confident enough to chat up guys were already in relationships.


Sarcastically say you'll send a pigeon then. That's the end of it.


I think next day is a safe bet. Though if you met early in the morning I suppose you could call that evening.


If you were given no instructions with the phone number then it's up to you to decide, though a phone number implies a phone contact, so that's a call or SMS. If you do get a response you can then ask if she'd prefer some other service.


Yes, and keep it short, remind who you are (the situation where you met), and that you were hoping to have a chance to chat again. You can also say when you're free.


There are no good outcomes there. If she has, then you're a creep, if she doesn't, then she's a liar.

Last edited by r00tb33r on 26 Aug 2022, 6:23 pm, edited 4 times in total.

I very much agree.


That's a problem, it seems to me.

Not everyone agrees with me on this, but, in my experience, a good romantic relationship is everything a good friendship is, plus more. Therefore, if you don't understand friendship, that in itself would make it extremely difficult to have a good romantic relationship, it seems to me. IMO, trying to have a romantic relationship without understanding friendship is a little like trying to do calculus without yet having had algebra.