How do I end a conversation nicely and quickly?

Post Reply New Topic

Hi. I have a problem with ending conversations. For example, if I happen to see someone in the kitchen at work when making coffee, the conversation starts and it never ends. Not that I or the other person wants to keep talking. Both want to end it. However, I must be doing something wrong and we keep talking till we both feel sick of it. I sense that some think that I am a never-ending talker and they politely avoid bumping into me. I myself actually try to use the kitchen while no one's there so that I don't have to have a lengthy conversation. It happens with several people. I must be doing something that makes it difficult for both me and the other person to end the conversation. Do you have any insight?

Not unless you tell us a little bit about how your conversations typically go.

Does this result in either you or the other person being detained in the kitchen longer than you/they want to be there? If so, perhaps you could end these conversations with an excuse. Just mention what you need/want to do next, then say good-bye and go do your thing.

Thank you for responding.

Both the other person and I are stuck in the kitchen longer than we like. I can sense the other person trying to find a way out of the conversation. I also try hard to get out of it. Weird that both want to go but can't go. I want to politely and naturally end it. If I try to come up with an excuse such as "Oh, I need to get going. I better let you go. Have a nice day!", I end up doing it very unnaturally, awkwardly and rather abruptly. That's why I wait for the conversation to naturally end but it never does, which makes me wonder if I'm sending a false signal that I want to continue the conversation, which in turn makes people think I'm a never-ending talker.

This is so uncomfortable for me that I even avoid getting out of my office, which is very inconvenient.

Yeah, this happened a lot when I worked in the office. It only happened with very talkative colleagues, and I found it difficult to get away.

I said things like 'I'd love to stop and chat some more, but I really need to go or I'll get into trouble'. If they were colleagues I was comfortable around, I would end it abruptly and they would laugh about it.

Sorry if this isn't helpful.

The conversation itself is often rather awkward because I'm not very good at responding to what's been said to me in a normal manner. I'm always trying very hard to respond in a non-weird way, but it's almost impossible for an autistic weirdo to be 100% normal all the time. I sense the other person also picks up on my feeling awkward, which also makes them feel uncomfortable. If I know anything about the other person, I try to bring up that topic. For example, I enquired about the other person's son's recovery from injury because I knew about his injury. I try not to keep talking about myself.

Thank you for responding.

In my case, both of us want to end the conversation and go. However, weirdly we are both stuck in it. I always try to find a moment where I can naturally/comfortably/politely say, "Oh, I had better let you go. You must be busy. Sorry for keeping you here. Have a good day!" or something, but I seldom find one. I have a feeling that my awkward/weird/unpredictable mannerism/tone of voice etc is also making it hard for the other person to somehow find an excuse and end the conversation. We are both locked in the conversation.

Can I get back to you later on that? I am rather pressed for time right now. Thanks!

Thank you for responding.

I realize that I probably lack the basic finesse needed to say such an excuse in a natural/polite manner, such as tone of voice, timing etc. I end up saying it abruptly/awkwardly, which clearly and embarrassingly shows I'm saying an excuse to go away. Most people seem to have learned such skills just naturally as they grow up. I don't know if I will ever be able to, if I haven't by now.

Consider the NTs you know.  Do they not give similar excuses when they do not want to talk to you?  Can you not see through their excuses?  The talent is called "Plausible Sincerity", and it does not take much practice to master it.

Just copy their behavior and you will do fine.

Oops!  Gotta Go!  The kettle's on the boil!

Depends on your definition of nicely. Guns work pretty well I guess and can be nice if an immediate end is what you're after.