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funeralxempire
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29 Aug 2022, 12:08 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I just feel there’s too many autistic people denying themselves the pleasure of having children because of the notion that they are “defective.”

Isabella pretty much “put the nail on the head.” (I didn’t get the idiom right---it's "hit the nail on the head.")

Non-autistic people could have autistic children.

Autistic people can have “normal” children.

Being autistic alone shouldn’t prevent someone from having children.


I wouldn't assume it's over fears that they're defective so much as understanding one's limitations (they might not feel suitable, temperament wise) or, due to understanding the experience, not wish to inflict it upon their hypothetical child.


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Joe90
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29 Aug 2022, 12:11 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
It probably does.

I just feel the whole idea that autistic people are, invariably, "genetically defective" is not correct.

I'm not really speaking to you, Joe. I'm just talking in general about folks who feel like they are "less" than other people because they have autism.


It's OK, this is what forums are for, to exchange points of view on matters. 8)


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kraftiekortie
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29 Aug 2022, 12:15 pm

There are people here who have expressed, overtly, the idea that they are defective, and that they don't want to have kids because of that.

I know my "limitations." This might be why I never had kids. Maybe, in both a conscious and subconscious sense, I "knew my limitations." I don't disagree with that at all.

Many autistic people here have kids, and have successfully raised them. Maybe I could have done the same.

But the idea that autism PRECLUDES one from successfully raising a kid sort of irks me.



IsabellaLinton
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29 Aug 2022, 12:29 pm

Not gonna lie. Being an autistic parent is very taxing. It starts with the unavoidable sensory onslaught and progresses to social / interpersonal responsibilities involving their friends, friends' parents, teachers, sports groups, extracurriculars, etc. Add this to the fact you need to work full-time to afford raising them and to have a big enough living space.

The drain of working full time being a sports mum (elite travel teams with games and practices every night of the week until 10-11 pm, and nearly every weekend (usually 6 am practice), on top of working ... was really hard. I know not all kids are involved in sports but if that's your child's interest and skill (or special interest), it's exhausting. Not to mention socialising with the other sports parents and arranging car pools or social events.

The kids' social life becomes your own for a while.

Many autistic people don't like making phone calls or having to get involved in things outside their comfort zone. Many of us say we feel like we are still adolescents ourselves. With parenting there's no choice. You have to be the adult, make the phone calls (doctors etc.), and be responsible for every moment of another human's existence. There's no vacation time, no days off for yourself, and no guarantee that your child will share any of your interests.

Most of us don't consider ourselves "defective" but we know our energy levels, our comfort levels (sensory, time alone), and our capacity for executive function. I think it's smart when people decide it's not for them, whether they are autistic or not.

Sorry if that's off topic of the off-topic thread.



FantaOpossum
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29 Aug 2022, 12:35 pm

I think there's got to be some genetic component to it. Not a simple one, but one that exists nonetheless.

My dad is most likely on the spectrum, and my sister is diagnosed.


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kraftiekortie
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29 Aug 2022, 12:37 pm

Isabella.....there is NO WAY anybody could consider your post "off topic."

Not if they have an inch of logic in their head.

Yes, I do see what you mean. You provided an excellent illustrative example.

But the idea of defectiveness in autism has been with us for too long. And I seek to debunk this notion.

Like I said, I didn't have kids because, at least subconsciously, I "knew my limitations." It doesn't make me feel very good, frankly----but it is what it is.

This makes me feel like "less of a person" when it shouldn't make me feel that way.



Last edited by kraftiekortie on 29 Aug 2022, 12:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.

kraftiekortie
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29 Aug 2022, 12:41 pm

FantaOpossum wrote:
I think there's got to be some genetic component to it. Not a simple one, but one that exists nonetheless.

My dad is most likely on the spectrum, and my sister is diagnosed.



But the question is: should your dad "being on the Spectrum" have prevented him and your mother from having you and your sister?



FantaOpossum
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29 Aug 2022, 12:51 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
FantaOpossum wrote:
I think there's got to be some genetic component to it. Not a simple one, but one that exists nonetheless.

My dad is most likely on the spectrum, and my sister is diagnosed.



But the question is: should your dad "being on the Spectrum" have prevented him and your mother from having you and your sister?


Of course not! I think people on the spectrum should be allowed to have children.


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kraftiekortie
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29 Aug 2022, 12:52 pm

I'm glad for that :)



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29 Aug 2022, 1:25 pm

It's partly genetic, but that doesn't mean we should all be killed off.


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kraftiekortie
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29 Aug 2022, 1:38 pm

If one really thinks about it, everything is "genetic."



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29 Aug 2022, 2:00 pm

 ! magz wrote:
Locked on request.


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