I Would Prefer to Date an Autistic Guy, but...

Page 2 of 5 [ 66 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5  Next

ironpony
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 3 Nov 2015
Age: 39
Posts: 5,590
Location: canada

02 Sep 2022, 1:04 am

FantaOpossum wrote:
(Just a small rant and some public musings, so don't get mad at me.)

I can't seem to find any autistic men I'm actually interested in dating. It breaks my heart 'cause I know we all tend to have it rough in the dating scene. I've seen the posts on here.

I would prefer to date someone who has the same autistic struggles as me, 'cause they get it, you know? Someone to share special interests with and someone to drag to nerdy conventions and do couples cosplay with. All of the men I've been romantically involved with so far, while they sure as hell aren't NT, they're not autistic either. My ex likely had undiagnosed ADHD and this guy I'm talking to at the moment is bipolar. (I met him through So Syncd, I recommend the app if you're willing to give online dating a shot.)

The autistic men I've talked to were not my type physically - which is saying a lot, considering my type of man I am attracted to is mediocre white men; Mom was not impressed with my ex's appearance by any means.

I've met a good autistic friend through Hiki, though. I also met some really creepy autistic men through that app as well. It's so weird I end up being friends with most of the autistic men I met, but never date them.

So as much as I'd love to have an autistic leftist furry boyfriend who looks like my mediocre white male celebrity crush, I don't think it's gonna happen. But hey, I can dream, right?


If you're attracted to average looking men, what is it about the majority of autistic men that is below average looking though particularly?



Diverse4Me
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 8 Aug 2022
Age: 49
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 140
Location: Canberra, Australia

02 Sep 2022, 3:15 am

FantaOpossum wrote:
So as much as I'd love to have an autistic leftist furry boyfriend who looks like my mediocre white male celebrity crush, I don't think it's gonna happen. But hey, I can dream, right?


I'm leftist, greenie but never really got into cosplay though I'd be open to it. Wrong country, and hemisphere though! I heard that a lot of male furries are gay though which would make the dream even harder.

hehe it's a bit like a way off dream too... I did a lot of online dating a while back.

To some extent it really is a numbers game, and the number of other people like us are even smaller. You never really know how you'll get along with someone until u meet them, and probably a couple of times.

I was seeing a therapist at the time *AND* doing group therapy ( all pre ASD diagnosis)

General thoughts were to not endlessly text forever, you can build up kinda artificial intimacy, then have a phone call, and you get to the point where you can tell on the phone that you don't ever want to meet in real life!

Not endless phone calls either, arrange to meet and then do it, preferably day time coffee meets as opposed to night cos then alcohol gets involved and then beer goggles 8O reduce judgement etc. but there is just greater expectations of ah hanky-panky and more likelihood of one-night stands... (assuming that is not what you wanted, but I was trying to avoid it. Mostly!)

Actually, that was a while other thing, and I was not so good there... trying to not even kiss before six dates and longer for sex, cos, again, more likely to get over involved emotionally the sooner you start physical intimacy, and what you really want is compatibility long-term over short term physicality.

Again, that is full of assumptions and perhaps unwanted advice!


_________________
Drew, occasionally writing @ https://diverse4.me

ASD2, ADHD, Anxiety, Depression etc


cyberdad
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Feb 2011
Age: 56
Gender: Male
Posts: 34,284

02 Sep 2022, 3:26 am

FantaOpossum wrote:
I would prefer to date someone who has the same autistic struggles as me, 'cause they get it, you know? Someone to share special interests with and someone to drag to nerdy conventions and do couples cosplay with.


Do you attend cosplay conventions? that's surely a happy hunting ground for cosplay autistic men



Mitchell M.
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

Joined: 5 Jul 2022
Age: 21
Gender: Male
Posts: 55
Location: United States

02 Sep 2022, 4:40 pm

Agent_Elflord wrote:
I agree with wanting to be with someone who shares similar autistic struggles, but at the same time I feel bad about talking about being lucky to have the kind of autism where people don't know about it and think I'm just a regular weird kid unless I tell them autistic, because I feel like I sound like I'm putting down the other autistic folks who face more challenges than I.

I saw your introduction post yesterday and saw that you and I both love History, and part of me was like "damn, too bad they probably aren't near California.", and now after reading this I'm like "too bad I'm not leftist or furry :lol: " Best I could do is former wannabe boomer-conservative turned lib-right that is moving a little more left and I'm just a filthy casual toonami anime watcher *causually starts rewatching Naruto for the 5th time*

You'd definitely be a cool friend though, I don't have many friends who are more focused on the 20th century stuff like you. It's national Cinema day this Saturday, and one of my local theaters is gonna show Steve McQueen's 1958 movie 'The Blob' and I'm gonna go with one of my friends who is interested in the 50s and probably her bf too if he's off work. kinda wanna see if the former president of our history club wants to come too. I might make a day of it and pop into an antique/vintage shop or two beforehand, and maybe my friends and I could go to one of the 50s themed burger joints here after the movie.



What does lib right mean? Just curious.



Nades
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 8 Jan 2017
Age: 1933
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,814
Location: wales

03 Sep 2022, 7:17 am

What did the autistic men look like with their overall physical appearance?



Agent_Elflord
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

Joined: 26 Apr 2022
Age: 24
Gender: Male
Posts: 66

03 Sep 2022, 11:19 am

Mitchell M. wrote:
Agent_Elflord wrote:
I agree with wanting to be with someone who shares similar autistic struggles, but at the same time I feel bad about talking about being lucky to have the kind of autism where people don't know about it and think I'm just a regular weird kid unless I tell them autistic, because I feel like I sound like I'm putting down the other autistic folks who face more challenges than I.

I saw your introduction post yesterday and saw that you and I both love History, and part of me was like "damn, too bad they probably aren't near California.", and now after reading this I'm like "too bad I'm not leftist or furry :lol: " Best I could do is former wannabe boomer-conservative turned lib-right that is moving a little more left and I'm just a filthy casual toonami anime watcher *causually starts rewatching Naruto for the 5th time*

You'd definitely be a cool friend though, I don't have many friends who are more focused on the 20th century stuff like you. It's national Cinema day this Saturday, and one of my local theaters is gonna show Steve McQueen's 1958 movie 'The Blob' and I'm gonna go with one of my friends who is interested in the 50s and probably her bf too if he's off work. kinda wanna see if the former president of our history club wants to come too. I might make a day of it and pop into an antique/vintage shop or two beforehand, and maybe my friends and I could go to one of the 50s themed burger joints here after the movie.



What does lib right mean? Just curious.

A lot of folks view it as the greedy capitalists types that would poison local water supply for maximum profit and stuff like that, but personally to me it's more about having right-wing values but more of a libertarian approach, as I've observed lots of conservatives and republicans claim to be about freedom and liberty, but they aren't in practice.

I used to be a Ted Cruz conservative back in high school who would constantly post "hahaha trigger the liberals, only 2 genders" memes and s**t, but at one point my sister told me "if you boycotted anything having to do with liberals, you'd have a very small world" and then I observed how the other men in my family hardly have any other personality than "Angry American" and can't even celebrate a child's birthday party without talking about AOC having horse teeth or about "brandon masks" or go to the grocery store without making a joke about welfare recipients.

-I'm not anti-American, but I'm also not so pro-American that I believe we can do no wrong and that we're the greatest country in the world. I enjoy the *relative* freedom we have as it's where I'm free to enjoy some of my special interests unlike most other countries and wouldn't want to live anywhere else (Switzerland would be a close option though), but I'm still fascinated by other countries and their cultures to wanna travel all over. I also don't fully believe in ACAB, but I know that it's not just "a few bad apples" when it comes to Police here.
-I'm very pro-gun (one of my main special interests but isn't my entire personality), but also don't like people who buy them without training with them or are immature around them, and I also don't support laws like the one in Missouri I think that wanted to require *every* adult to have an AR. I also don't support these moronic militia types who are more interested in civil war with the Democrats than the defense of their community and neighbors regardless of their beliefs. On the other hand, I'm also against most "common sense gun reform" because it's not simply just common sense, will criminalize folks who've done nothing wrong and aren't interested in hurting others, and can easily be manipulated by whoever is in charge that may have an agenda (kinda like voting rights and stuff before the Civil Rights movement.)
-I'm not very religious myself, but support the idea of the freedom to either practice religion or not. I don't believe one must be a regularly church-attending Christian to be considered a "good American". On the other hand, I've seen some folks on the left talk about "freedom *from* religion" which I'm not sure if they're trolling or not, but banning religion to me sounds just as cringe as forcing religion.
-I'm pro-military but am non-interventionist and would much rather we just have a national defense force and protect or own soil, shores, and whatever nautical miles of territory we keep in the seas, but I only support deployment to other countries if they actually and formally ask for our help. At least with reverting back to a national defense force, there wouldn't have to be as big of a military budget and we can use that to spend on other beneficial things.

I used to be a "conquered, not stolen" and "MLK = Good, Malcolm X = Bad" conservative, but then got interested in The Troubles and the Civil War in Ireland and learning about it helped me change my mind on Native American Rights as well as the Black Panthers, Black self-reliance, and Pan Africanism and stuff.

-some of the other leftist ideas I've come around on is being pro- LGBT+ and pro-choice (not anti-natalists, they're cringe too), Environmentalism (Though I prefer education and to encourage people to choose more environmentally friendly options and assist with environmental cleanup work, rather than relying on taxation and government force to do it. It's funny that a lot of conservative politicians and talking heads were boy-scouts and stuff and were taught basic consideration for their community and environment, but now it's just "liberal, tree-hugging BS".

Hope that sheds some light on my some of my personal beliefs and passions!



Mona Pereth
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 11 Sep 2018
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,811
Location: New York City (Queens)

03 Sep 2022, 1:08 pm

Some other autistic dating websites/apps besides Hiki:

- Uneepi
- AutismDate
- DisabledMate: Autism Dating Club

Also, although Wrong Planet is not a dating service, I would suggest that you edit your signature line to mention your special interests, not just your RAADS-R score.

Also I would suggest that you edit your WP profile to include your general geographic location. Don't be specific enough to endanger your privacy, but at least say which country you are in, and, if you are in a large country, which state/province/region and/or nearest major metro area.


_________________
- Autistic in NYC - Resources and new ideas for the autistic adult community in the New York City metro area.
- Autistic peer-led groups (via text-based chat, currently) led or facilitated by members of the Autistic Peer Leadership Group.
- My Twitter / "X" (new as of 2021)


Nekomonster
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 25 Mar 2016
Age: 22
Gender: Male
Posts: 272

03 Sep 2022, 1:31 pm

I'm an autistic leftist furry, but I swing for the same team.

I think we're in the same boat in that an autistic guy seems like an easier connection to make. Yet dissecting that I realize that in a lot of ways, every autistic person is different. Maybe there's a NT person who can fit those, I'm not sure.

All I really want is someone who's not a bellend or demanding attention 24/7 just based on the sheer fact that I am physically and mentally unable to do that. (If I could, I would - I'm a massive people-pleaser. And I've tried.)


_________________
god...it's brutal out here


Last edited by Nekomonster on 03 Sep 2022, 1:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.

The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 32,886
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

03 Sep 2022, 1:31 pm

Who is your celeb crush so we can google him?



MaxE
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Sep 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,274
Location: Mid-Atlantic US

03 Sep 2022, 1:37 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Who is your celeb crush so we can google him?

Probably Patton Oswalt.


_________________
My WP story


Zakatar
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 May 2019
Age: 28
Gender: Male
Posts: 679
Location: Mid-Atlantic USA

03 Sep 2022, 3:34 pm

I don’t think you’ll find too many Autistics who are interested in conventions, a good many of us don’t like large crowds and loud noise, or don’t hate those things but can only handle them for short periods of time.


_________________
When anti-vaxxers get in my face, I say ... Have a Nice Day!

#palestinianlivesmatter


Agent_Elflord
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

Joined: 26 Apr 2022
Age: 24
Gender: Male
Posts: 66

03 Sep 2022, 5:06 pm

Zakatar wrote:
I don’t think you’ll find too many Autistics who are interested in conventions, a good many of us don’t like large crowds and loud noise, or don’t hate those things but can only handle them for short periods of time.

At the same time, there are a lot of autistic folks who like Anime and Video games and stuff and I've met and seen a bunch of ND folks at the cons. I like cons, but have more of an issue with how expensive everything is, rather than the crowds.

nvm, I just re-read what you wrote as you did mention "a good many", so it's not like a blanket statement or anything, sorry.



Tim_Tex
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Jul 2004
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 45,529
Location: Houston, Texas

03 Sep 2022, 5:19 pm

Just look for someone with the same interests as you, and everything should ve good.


_________________
Who’s better at math than a robot? They’re made of math!

Now proficient in ChatGPT!


CockneyRebel
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Age: 49
Gender: Male
Posts: 113,547
Location: Stalag 13

03 Sep 2022, 8:25 pm

Take your time.


_________________
Who wants to adopt a Sweet Pea?


cyberdad
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Feb 2011
Age: 56
Gender: Male
Posts: 34,284

03 Sep 2022, 8:27 pm

Zakatar wrote:
I don’t think you’ll find too many Autistics who are interested in conventions, a good many of us don’t like large crowds and loud noise, or don’t hate those things but can only handle them for short periods of time.


Fair point, I took my daughter to a convention in Melbourne and decided to leave as many of the girl's costumes were embarrassingly revealing.



Diverse4Me
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 8 Aug 2022
Age: 49
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 140
Location: Canberra, Australia

06 Sep 2022, 7:18 pm

cyberdad wrote:
Zakatar wrote:
I don’t think you’ll find too many Autistics who are interested in conventions, a good many of us don’t like large crowds and loud noise, or don’t hate those things but can only handle them for short periods of time.


Fair point, I took my daughter to a convention in Melbourne and decided to leave as many of the girl's costumes were embarrassingly revealing.


Yeah, Although I am an embarrassingly late diagnosis, I never liked malls, or the crush of crowds.

CyberDad, embarrassing revealing to you or her!? :P :oops: :twisted: :roll:

She probably wouldn't have noticed, IMHO, but yes, there is a tendency to be provocative!


_________________
Drew, occasionally writing @ https://diverse4.me

ASD2, ADHD, Anxiety, Depression etc