How can I find friends and true love?

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Mikurotoro92
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30 Aug 2022, 11:43 pm

Hi, my name is Sara and I am Autistic

I live at home with my brother taking care of our mom who suffered a stroke in 2020 and I don't get much opportunities to go out and meet people and date

I would like to start going to local events and other places to meet guys but I don't know how to start or where to even begin!

I live in a rural area and have no car that I can drive

I have had 3 boyfriends in the past when I was a teenager but I'm trying to restart my love life as an adult

What should my first step be to untether myself from my mom, find the man of my dreams and become independant?

And how do I find events in my area for Autistic people?

Thanks in advance!



that1weirdgrrrl
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31 Aug 2022, 1:59 pm

How is your mom's recovery coming along?

You may need to stick by her until she is able to take care of herself again. It sounds like she needs you and your brother right now.


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nick007
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31 Aug 2022, 2:56 pm

Do you have anything else going on in your life rite now besides helping your mom OP? I'm not judging at all but if you don't it might help to have something else going on even if it's not dating or relationship related; like going to work(if your not currently but are able to work part time, I know it can be aLOT easier said than done), joining a group for a common interest, or perhaps volunteering a little for a non-profit group. I cant drive due to my bad vision(extremely nearsighted) & spent the 1st 30 years of my life living in a rural area. There was not any autism related things available nearby & I felt trapped living there. It also did NOT help that my mom was very frustrated by the situation & kinda took it out on me which caused me to feel like she majorly resented me for it. It was good for me to be out of the house by working when I was able to find employment. I got all 3 of my romantic relationships online & they were all long-distance before I moved in with my current girlfriend. I met them all on online forums, I met the latter two on this one. I was VERY willing to relocate if that option seemed viable. An LDR might not be a good option for you thou if you'll need to stay close to your mom indefinitely, unless the guy would be willing & able to relocate for the rite relationship. I wish I had some real advice cuz I know dating & relationships can be very difficult for some of us.


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Mikurotoro92
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01 Sep 2022, 1:09 pm

She's not really recovering at all @that1weirdgirrrl

I think she would have a MUCH better chance at recovery if she were placed into a professional environment like a rest home where they can give her adequate care that me and my brother can't provide

She is just wasting our time at this point!



nick007
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01 Sep 2022, 4:18 pm

Mikurotoro92 wrote:
She's not really recovering at all @that1weirdgirrrl

I think she would have a MUCH better chance at recovery if she were placed into a professional environment like a rest home where they can give her adequate care that me and my brother can't provide

She is just wasting our time at this point!
That really sux. I know you probably don't want to hear this but you & your brother might have to tell her that you two cant keep caring for her because you both deserve to live & have your own lives & if she refuses to listen you might have to put her in a nursing home against her will. Your displayed age says your 29 & lots of people are married with kids by then. I know I usually try not to compare myself to others & often recommend that us Aspies each have our own standards for things but it probably gets more difficult for lots of people to find a relationship partner as they get older due to a higher percent of people around their age being in serious relationships or having major baggage from failed relationships & life problems. It may be very difficult to become more independent & find a relationship partner if your forced to care for your mom instead of going out & doing things where you could maybe meet people. Plus I imagine that you might feel major resentment towards her & you two might could have a much better relationship if you don't feel forced or stuck but I'm just speculating.


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Mikurotoro92
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01 Sep 2022, 4:31 pm

You actually get it @nick007!

We need to tell our mom we can't keep caring for her because we want to go out and find friends and love

She would be better off in a rest home so we can be free

I don't want to wait too long to get married and my mom is hindering my progress

That's why I am going to see a therapist named Samantha who will help me untether myself from my mom, find friends, and find true love so I can become independant

My mom won't let me wear short "sexy" strapless or otherwise revealing dresses either which I think is stupid!



Mona Pereth
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05 Sep 2022, 3:28 pm

Mikurotoro92 wrote:
Hi, my name is Sara and I am Autistic

I live at home with my brother taking care of our mom who suffered a stroke in 2020 and I don't get much opportunities to go out and meet people and date

Are you taking care of her all by yourselves, or do you have a home health aide?

Hopefully in California it should be possible to get insurance coverage for a home health aide to look after her for at least eight hours a day, maybe longer. If possible, that might be better than putting her in a nursing home.

Mikurotoro92 wrote:
I live in a rural area and have no car that I can drive

This would seem to me to be your number one problem. How is your family managing to survive in a rural area without a car? It seems to me that doing whatever is necessary to get a car needs to be your number one goal (unless there are neurological reasons why you can't drive, of course).


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Minervx_2
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10 Sep 2022, 1:51 pm

Being in a rural area without a car severely limits your options. There are guys willing to date a girl without a car; but it's hard to meet them if you can't go out places.

You'd either have to save up for a car or move to a walkable city. Either option requires you to work more hours or do something to advance your career.

In the meantime, online dating. As a woman, you will have to weed out a lot of bad options. But there's not much other options if you don't have a way to get places.



FantaOpossum
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10 Sep 2022, 2:00 pm

Minervx_2 wrote:
Being in a rural area without a car severely limits your options. There are guys willing to date a girl without a car; but it's hard to meet them if you can't go out places.

You'd either have to save up for a car or move to a walkable city. Either option requires you to work more hours or do something to advance your career.

In the meantime, online dating. As a woman, you will have to weed out a lot of bad options. But there's not much other options if you don't have a way to get places.


Seconding this. Online dating is your best shot, considering the ratio of men to women on those apps. You'll have to do long-distance dating until you become more independent. It can be hard, but if you can hold out, it'll be rewarding.


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UncannyDanny
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14 Nov 2022, 10:28 pm

Mae Govannen, Miss Miku! :)

Feel free to PM me if you want to chat.



MaxE
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19 Nov 2022, 11:19 am

Not sure if this helps, but you should be willing to talk to guys who meet your standards of attractiveness, whatever those are, but are lonely due to lack of social skills etc.

You should also not expect anybody to conform to your ideal of the "perfect soulmate". I don't think most women have that expectation but it could present a problem in your case.

From what you've said about your situation, it's likely anybody you meet will be long-distance however you should look for guys who live reasonably close to where you do and have transportation, so that you can plan to meet up in person i.e. the situation doesn't preclude such a possibility. For example let's say you live in southern Ohio. A guy who lives in DC could manage to visit you several times a year if he has a car.

I mean you could invite guys on WP to PM you about talking although I don't know how many eligible prospects there are. TBH you'd have probably gotten more attention 10 years ago as the demographics here were definitely better than now.


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