I think my marriage is dead

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goldfish21
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08 Sep 2022, 11:42 pm

I suppose I could.. but what would be the point in spending a significant portion of the land's value just to go visit it annually?

A road trip to Northern Manitoba and back home would probably cost something nuts like $1200 just in gas alone in my little car.. imagine if I needed to drive a 4x4 truck to get there - then it'd be more like $2500-3000 just for gas to and from.

It'd be rather silly, I think.

I have no idea if there are any small cheap parcels of land for sale in BC anywhere that I could own just for the sake of it - my guess is that any cheap per acre land is sold in massive parcels that I also cannot afford.

Good thing there's always the option of squatting on crown land! :lol: What's the queen gonna do about it?


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09 Sep 2022, 12:28 am

goldfish21 wrote:
I suppose I could.. but what would be the point in spending a significant portion of the land's value just to go visit it annually?

A road trip to Northern Manitoba and back home would probably cost something nuts like $1200 just in gas alone in my little car.. imagine if I needed to drive a 4x4 truck to get there - then it'd be more like $2500-3000 just for gas to and from.

It'd be rather silly, I think.

I have no idea if there are any small cheap parcels of land for sale in BC anywhere that I could own just for the sake of it - my guess is that any cheap per acre land is sold in massive parcels that I also cannot afford.

Good thing there's always the option of squatting on crown land! :lol: What's the queen gonna do about it?


Lol. Well, I didn't say it would be practical or a wise investment.

Well, considering that the queen is now dead, it would seem that there is even less that she could do about it now. Those mounties on the other hand may get ya. I once had them check my papers in the middle of a random lake in the middle of nowhere by canoeing up to our canoe.



goldfish21
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09 Sep 2022, 12:38 am

Doubt any mounties will hassle me. Even though I'm a bit mixed race, I present outwardly as a tall white male with a suntan.


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09 Sep 2022, 1:08 am

Just wear a ghillie suit and they will never even see you.

We jokingly asked the mounties who paddled up to our canoe what they would have done if we hadn't stopped for them. They, without missing a beat responded by saying something along the lines of, 'Well, ya see that chainsaw we got there in our boat 'eh. Well, we'd just go ahead and use it to cut your canoe.'



goldfish21
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09 Sep 2022, 1:09 am

This thread inspired me to do a google search for cheap properties in BC. I haven't found any for a few grand, but I have found a few detached houses in Nelson that are for sale for less than $100k for 3-4 bedroom 2000sf houses built in 1979. One of them is $96k and says it was last sold in 2007 for something like $230k. Makes me wonder if there was a major employer in Nelson that's gone tits up so the jobs are gone and real estate values plummeted. Hmmm. That house also has 2' cut off the bottoms of all the drywall in the basement so obviously had a flood at some point.

I haven't done any other research.. but makes me wonder if it might be feasible to buy a house in some small Northern mountain town as rental property. Maybe some year.. I mean, 20% down on a 100k property is actually doable, whereas 100k isn't even a down payment for a house anywhere near where I live.

No idea IF there's even a rental market in Nelson or other towns like it, though. There's a whole lot of nothing there as far as I can remember. But hey, if someone pays the rent consistently and it generates positive cash flow.. right on.


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09 Sep 2022, 2:10 am

Well, I'm glad that it inspired you in some way. Probably best to avoid a flood damaged house. I hear those can be a nightmare, especially with things like mold. 20% down is the standard in Canada for morgages? In the US it's 10%.

Also, if you do end up buying a used dweling, especially a cheap one, make sure the wireing is ok. I think the 70s is in the danger zone for aluminum wireing for instance.



goldfish21
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09 Sep 2022, 2:16 am

Worthless wrote:
Well, I'm glad that it inspired you in some way. Probably best to avoid a flood damaged house. I hear those can be a nightmare, especially with things like mold. 20% down is the standard in Canada for morgages? In the US it's 10%.

Also, if you do end up buying a used dweling, especially a cheap one, make sure the wireing is ok. I think the 70s is in the danger zone for aluminum wireing for instance.


Depends on the nature of the flood damage. If only the bottoms of the drywall was ruined and there's no mold, no big deal, I'm a Taper and can do the drywall repairs. But yeah, I wouldn't want a place full of mold.

20% down is the minimum for an investment property. 5% is the minimum for a first time home buyer buying a primary residence. After that I think it's 10% for or more for any other place you move to. But it's always 20% for one you're buying as a rental property that you're never going to live in. People try to scam the system by saying it's their primary residence and then not living there, Or they have a plan of living there for one year and then moving and renting it out.

Yeah I'd wanna check a place out fairly thoroughly.. roof, electrical, and especially plumbing. Most other things are typically Okay.


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09 Sep 2022, 2:47 am

Ah, that makes sense. There would be more risk of default in an investment property I would imagine. Also, it's nice that they give first time buyers a break like that.

I used to know a guy who would buy questionable houses, fix them up, get them reaprased, get a loan on it, and then pay the loan payments by renting it out.

Make sure also that anyone you have check out the place is reputable. The handyman who the realtor recommended did some work, but overcharged and did extremely questionable work. He would also not do things that he claimed. Also, he claimed to be an electrition when we mentioned that we were concerned about the wireing. He basically poked around a little and then said that we should just sleep with one eye open for the first few nights or so. His kid (who was tagging along) actually gave him away somewhat by asking him, "who's the electrition?" To which he responded, "me, ya dumby".
His kid also kept picking things up and asking if he could have them...



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09 Sep 2022, 4:06 am

Worthless wrote:
Thank you for the replies. Today she changed course on me helping her. When she woke me up she asked for my help in digging. We talked some about our relationship.
I asked her if there was any chance of saving it, since with no chance I didn't really have the motivation to do anything; even talking to my mom, who called on sunday and I still need to call back. She said that our romantic relationship is over, but as far as if I can win her back, "we're still breathing and we're both still here, so I suppose it's always possible." She showed me a few videos on youtube of what she is planning and talked about her thoughts on the design. I didn't end up getting started till 17:00 or so, but I dug at least four times as much as she had done so far by the time she said I should stop because the sun had set and she didn't want me to get hurt. She sat a few feet away and played music on her phone and we chatted. She thanked me for helping to dig it out. It did feel nice working on a project and chatting with her.

As far as her not having done things to fix the situation, we both got overwhelmed, burnt out, and dropped the ball in serious ways. We have both tried together and independently to fix the situation multiple times, but it is difficult. As mentioned by another person, daily survival takes a lot of work and energy and morale is also challenging. We very much do live a similar life to actually homeless people. We have no indoor running water for instance. Not being from this area is another major hurtle as well as my suseptability to being scamed or otherwise taken advantage of. a lot of people see me as an easy mark. We both also have disabilities and both ended up being sent to non-public SPED schools as kids. I even had a "teacher's assistant" assistant assigned to me in elementary school. I also have multiple physical disabilities.


I ended up failing in my responsibilities far more so than she did, especially in terms of our relationship. I didn't treat her properly and attend to her needs adaquitly. I also failed to fulfill some of her rather basic requests such as being more discreet with hygiene stuff. Part of this is I think due to me having never been in a relationship before and also having never lived independently before.

My plan at this point is to try to improve things in general and with her. I am going to then try to win her back since we are going to be living here together at least until spring even if not under the same roof. We also still very much need and rely on each other.

i think that we can succeed in homesteading and euntrapanurialship, but we got overwhelmed with everything, especially all the struggles of day-to-day survival. In winter it literally got cold enough in the bedroom to freeze drinks not under the covers.


Edit: I forgot to answer someone's question about financial assistance. We hare not on any government aid, other than I think I may still be on Medicaid from when they signed me up last time I went to a hospital a few years ago. We have just been burning though saving and inheritance. I started tacidly looking for a job a year ago because the funds were getting low, but they have now run out, so the need for employment is critical. When I told my mom about a month ago that I was looking for a job, she asked if we were "strapped for cash" I sheepishly admitted that we were and she sent a check as well as cookies and jellybeans. I ended up using a large part of that to buy a new phone to replace mine that died over two years ago. We had been sharing my wife's phone, but when her old phone was about to die she stopped letting me use it except for phone calls and that continued over when we bought her a new phone about a week before we got mine, even though I had to pawn something to buy it. She even ended up getting unlimited data after her mom updated the family plan, but she only showed me a few videos that she had already watched and wanted to show me. We used to curl up together to watch the few video we could and would take turns picking. I still only have 2gigs a month, so I have to use data sparingly even with a new phone. Also, she has been going out with me when I drive to the stores, so I can't just watch some videos and stuff while on public wifi because she is already sitting there while I am in the store and the truck doesn't have a/c.


I would still have an issue with her saying no to any romance. She seems to think of you more of an friend now. This would be OK but it's not as she's also your wife.

She needs to see you like the adult you are.



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09 Sep 2022, 9:07 pm

Today I started digging at about 13:00 and continued with minimal short breaks untill she said it was getting too dark and that we should go eat at about 20:00. I've managed to rough out and area about 6x12ft to an average depth of a about a 1.5ft. about half I dug out more than just roughly. The tree roots are impressively thick and numerous. There is one perticuarly large root that I ran into, so we decided to stop digging back and dig down and forward, thereby shifting the building slightly further down the hill. I forgot to put on sunscreen and it was sunny out most of the time other then a few clouds and quick showers, so I got sunburned. She sat nearby in the shade playing music on her phone and we chatted. She would occasionally make a comment or ask a question that would take the wind out of my sails, lile asking if I was planning to build one for myself too or just planning to ride it out in the mobile home. She also kept complaining about the sun and the mosquitoes. I hope that by doing this work it will help to show her I am capable and an adult. I ended up getting multiple popped blisters on my hand as I couldn't find my work gloves, but I kept going. She had only managed to rough out an area about 3x3ft to a depth of maybe 6in in the two morning of work she did before she changed her mind requested my help. Untill a couple months ago I was the only one in responsible for the outdoor animals and much of the other farm work. She has been the main one in charge of other things like many of the indoor animals.



I am enjoying doing a project and it is nice chatting with her while doing so, I just wish it wasn't under these circumstances. At least I am no longer actively suicidal :lol: , just severely depressed and hurt.





Nades wrote:
I would still have an issue with her saying no to any romance. She seems to think of you more of an friend now. This would be OK but it's not as she's also your wife.

She needs to see you like the adult you are.



I agree. I am hoping that I am able to win her back and get her to see me as an adult and her husband. One of the things that gets me is that we are both somewhat childish. She enjoys cartoons just as much as I do. Also, she loves plush animals. She even asked me to get her them as presents. She didn't want me to cuddle with them, so I don't. She used to say that marriage is for life, except for extreme circumstances like infadelity or abuse.



jimmyjazzuk
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09 Sep 2022, 9:27 pm

Shes just watching you dig?



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09 Sep 2022, 9:31 pm

What's your goal with the hole?

Are you planning on pouring a concrete pad? Are you only going 18" deep? How tall/large of a structure are you planning to place on top if it is for concrete? If you're planning on building a 2 storey home, you might want to do some research into how thick of a concrete pad is required.. or into foundation designs.

Slabs are commonly only 12" thick or whatever, maybe 18" sometimes thinner - only 6-8" for some I've broken up.. but footings underneath walls tend to go a lot deeper than that.

Or are you not even planning on doing any forming and just kinda winging it by mixing and pouring concrete into your hole and making one big pad and then building on top of it and just seeing what happens? Not like people haven't built homes like that for hundreds of years.. just kinda wanna make sure whatever you do is going to be safe and not fall down or wash away or catch on fire etc.


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09 Sep 2022, 9:36 pm

jimmyjazzuk wrote:
Shes just watching you dig?

Mostly, she also plays with her dog and chats part of the time. She was also streaming music on her phone. Yesterday at the start, she asked I had any requests for music and then joked about putting on chain-gang music. We then joked a little about that. I joked she should be wearing a cowboy hat, aviators, and holding a shotgun.
She was also complaining today about all sorts of things like the ground being uncomfortable to sit on. She also commented about how tired she was.



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09 Sep 2022, 9:43 pm

goldfish21 wrote:
What's your goal with the hole?

Are you planning on pouring a concrete pad? Are you only going 18" deep? How tall/large of a structure are you planning to place on top if it is for concrete? If you're planning on building a 2 storey home, you might want to do some research into how thick of a concrete pad is required.. or into foundation designs.

Slabs are commonly only 12" thick or whatever, maybe 18" sometimes thinner - only 6-8" for some I've broken up.. but footings underneath walls tend to go a lot deeper than that.

Or are you not even planning on doing any forming and just kinda winging it by mixing and pouring concrete into your hole and making one big pad and then building on top of it and just seeing what happens? Not like people haven't built homes like that for hundreds of years.. just kinda wanna make sure whatever you do is going to be safe and not fall down or wash away or catch on fire etc.


Well, it's her project and her plan. I am just a tool to do it with...

Her plan involves no concrete. She is planning to have it be a bushcraft dug out shelter thing, execpt with glass windows that can open on the above ground portions. She is then going to run and extension cord to and aparetly move our only tv (which was given to us by my mother's SO) and our playstation out there along with some other things. I don't know. And through all this, I am also expected to get a full time job to support us...



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09 Sep 2022, 9:48 pm

I see.

I remember seeing some viral thing about "earthship," construction years ago.

Any design plans to keep it from filling up with water when it rains?


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09 Sep 2022, 9:57 pm

goldfish21 wrote:
I see.

I remember seeing some viral thing about "earthship," construction years ago.

Any design plans to keep it from filling up with water when it rains?



Well, the initial plan was to have the floor at the ground level of the front wall, but she has also mentioned possibly having the front wall half dirt and a small half door. She is planning on having a bathtub and maybe a sink in there too, so she would have a drain for graywater. It's on a hill so it should be pretty easy with some thought and work to manage rain water. She did mention collecting rainwater as part of her rain management planning, but she said she doesn't know what she would use it for, maybe watering plants. We have no shortage of water her and before we got a line run to our property, I would bring up water from the creek for anything that didn't require potable water.