Hello

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I have posted on this website some 9 years ago.
Over time I assumed I don't have autism or Asperger.
Reading books about autism was interesting, and somewhat amusing.
Especially about various biographies of historical people, who are now assumed to have been autistic.

Interestingly though I have a diagnosis and it is not Autism.
I have realized that I have pretty big difficulties communicating, and keeping a lifestyle in sync with other people.
Recently I looked into a book about Autism once again. I have not read such books for years.
I followed through several diagnostic tests, and trying to answer as honestly as possible I got results of sub-clinical autism.
I have done several tests on Embrace Autism and they have pretty much shown strong possibility of autism.
I am not sure I have actually autism as I am fully aware that some of my behaviors are kind of in line with normal theory of mind and therefore they negate autism to some degree.

I have however come to conclusion that some of my early experiences in life as well in adult life might overlap with my ability to mask my true autistic thinking and replace it with what is today called masking or mimicry, a type of behavior that mimics normal behavior.
I realized that I am not bad at masking my real behavior, but it comes at very high cost, and it is exhausting and leads to pretty unfulfilling life at times.

Something about me that is autistic - I like to do activities that are at the exclusion of everything else, on border with obsessive.
Early childhood I would play mostly games all the time.
I am 34 years old and never had a serious relationship.
Social situations tend to confuse me.
I don't enjoy crowds or places full of people.
I really struggle with the concept of being alone. I just don't feel alone even when I spend a lot of time alone.
Unfortunately this means I have missed lots of opportunities to have friends and relationships.
Other reasons are I tend to avoid situations that are social, and unpredictable and difficult.
Most of the times social situations are simply not enjoyable for me, no matter how hard I try.
I tend to be naive.
My communication skills in word are much better than in real life.
General communication style I have is "awkward".

I have read many posts on this forum.

Anyway nice to read(meet) you.

I am not here to "be autistic or over come autism."
I simply want to learn. Maybe talk.

I currently work at a cash register and sell things in a grocery shop, which requires me to communicate with people.
Its pretty taxing, but I am improving my understanding of my communication.

Welcome back! I hope you decide you're glad you came back.

And I will note that being on WP does not require an Autism diagnosis. Nor even a suspicion of being Autistic. Just an interest. It sounds like you qualify. (And, who knows, maybe the diagnosis would be right for you...it just isn't needed here.)

Willkomen

First off, Welcome back to Wrong Planet.

Being an Aspie can be difficult to relate to. I did not realize I was one until around age 69.

Around 50 percent of the people in the world are extroverts and the other 50 percent are introverts. I am an Aspie and an Introvert. Extroverts charge up their internal batteries by having conversations. When they feel depressed or sad -- they go out and find a group of people and take part in conversations and talking brings them back. That is how they charge their internal batteries. Introverts need alone time to recharge. We become very depleted trying to be part of a conversation especially if it involves many people. We can communicate well, but generally it has to be only one person at a time.

There are many introverts in the world and many are not Aspies.

You wrote "I don't enjoy crowds or places full of people." I do not either. That is why when I grew up, I moved from the city into the country, where I can spend some time alone. It gives me a sense of peace and allows me to charge my batteries, whenever I am alone.

Welcome back!

Welcome back to Wrong Planet!

Welcome

I’m also new to WP. I used to be in academia (math) and a majority of my friends and professors in the math dept were on the spectrum. I never thought to ask myself why I felt so much more comfortable around my autistic friends. Autistic or not, hope you find some common ground and community here. I hope I will too!

welcome! I have felt as if I was understood here, and felt safe, I have appreciated the answers to my questions and the great explanations , information sharing, and the kindness of people here who I only know through this group and online. Glad you are with us