Do us autistics attract predators?

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Erjoy29
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08 Sep 2022, 10:15 pm

I keep attracting people with severe personality disorders. I keep trying to attract normal healthy people like my parents want me to but they have no interest in me. It’s the most f****d up people who love me, and I unfortunately love them too as twisted as that sounds. How do we autistic people, as vulnerable as we are, as how sad and depressed as some of us are and such, attract the right person? I would love to attract someone with a big good heart but they can have anxiety and depression or adhd or something. But I attract extremes. Narcissists. Borderlines. Idk what to do. How do I think in the right way to attract?



CableBlackBox
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09 Sep 2022, 8:26 am

Erjoy29 wrote:
I keep attracting people with severe personality disorders. I keep trying to attract normal healthy people like my parents want me to but they have no interest in me. It’s the most f****d up people who love me, and I unfortunately love them too as twisted as that sounds. How do we autistic people, as vulnerable as we are, as how sad and depressed as some of us are and such, attract the right person? I would love to attract someone with a big good heart but they can have anxiety and depression or adhd or something. But I attract extremes. Narcissists. Borderlines. Idk what to do. How do I think in the right way to attract?


OP read my post on this sub forum about me being drugged by my ex as well as being emotionally abused.

To answer your question is yes they do, even if they don't know we have ASD they
know there is something they can use to their advantage.



AardvarkGoodSwimmer
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09 Sep 2022, 5:56 pm

I’m exploring the concept of a broad range. For example, even if we really click at the beginning, maybe we’ll first have sex anywhere between the 3rd and 12th date.



that1weirdgrrrl
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09 Sep 2022, 7:04 pm

The best advice I can offer is to learn what early behaviors may indicate a person is trying to "groom" you for later mistreatment.

There is a thread on here about it.

I also think the book "Psychopath free" by Jackson Mackenzie was helpful to myself, personally.


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Twilightprincess
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09 Sep 2022, 7:46 pm

Yes, I’ve struggled with this for sure. I’ve been in some messed up situations. We are probably less likely to pick up on early warning signs than other people.


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SkinnyElephant
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10 Sep 2022, 3:40 pm

On the topic of autistic people attracting predators, here's one thing to take into account: Some adults on the spectrum have a mental age of below 18. Does that mean there are potential legal concerns when it comes to even dating one of us?

I've had girlfriends in the past; none of which knew I was on the spectrum. Were they unknowingly breaking the law by dating me?



goldfish21
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10 Sep 2022, 3:54 pm

Yes.

You explained it to yourself. Autistics are often identified as easy targets by bad people.


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klanka
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10 Sep 2022, 4:25 pm

I think they can pick up on our vibe



Benjamin the Donkey
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11 Sep 2022, 9:40 am

When I was much younger, I was much more obviously "weird" and often attracted mentally "different" people. Some were benign and were just drawn to a fellow weirdo. Others were drawn for darker, exploitative purposes.


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nick007
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12 Sep 2022, 6:18 pm

Erjoy29 wrote:
I keep attracting people with severe personality disorders. I keep trying to attract normal healthy people like my parents want me to but they have no interest in me. It’s the most f****d up people who love me, and I unfortunately love them too as twisted as that sounds. How do we autistic people, as vulnerable as we are, as how sad and depressed as some of us are and such, attract the right person? I would love to attract someone with a big good heart but they can have anxiety and depression or adhd or something. But I attract extremes. Narcissists. Borderlines. Idk what to do. How do I think in the right way to attract?
What do you consider to be normal & healthy? Lots maybe even most people do not consider autistics to be normal & healthy. I think lots of parents would have concerns about their kids being in relationships with us autistics(I'd bet a lot of our parents would have concerns about us being in a romantic relationship with a fellow autistic) or even just people who have bad anxiety, depression or ADHD. I'm wondering if you try making a direct move on people your interested in or if you mostly focus on attracting like you try to imitate the way typical NT girls do by flirting & body language & such & guys tend to make a more direct move on them. If that is the case, it may help to make a direct move on someone who does have autism, anxiety, depression, &/or ADHD but seems like a decent person. Guys who have those issues tend to struggle with romantic relationships a lot more than more normal guys do & they may be too shy to make a more direct move & may not consider the possibility that you'd be interested in a romantic relationship with them till you make a direct move. Plus if your on the spectrum it may be harder for you to read em & you might be assuming that they are not interested in you when they are. It may also help to try & get to know guys a little before pursuing a romantic relationship with them. Perhaps there's support groups in your area for people with depression or other issues you might relate somewhat to or just a group for a common interest that you have. You could get to know them a little 1st that way & they could get to know you.


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kraftiekortie
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12 Sep 2022, 6:22 pm

Lots of "prey" are attractive to predators.

I don't believe most predators actually target "autistic" people. They target people whom they see as being vulnerable. There are some autistic people who seem vulnerable to these predators.



nick007
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12 Sep 2022, 7:13 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
Lots of "prey" are attractive to predators.

I don't believe most predators actually target "autistic" people. They target people whom they see as being vulnerable. There are some autistic people who seem vulnerable to these predators.
I completely agree. However on the flip-side there are also autistic people who are thought to be predators due to misconceptions about autism or others not knowing what to make of us if they have no clue about autism. Sometimes people are attracted to others they assume to be more relatable & like them. Birds of a feather flock together as they say & I suspect that sometimes predators may be attracted to us because they assume that we are more like them. It's hard to say what's going on in the OP's case without more info. It's probably more likely in general that autistic women are assumed to be easy prey than autistic guys are for reasons that seem kinda obvious to me but there are plenty of exceptions of corse.


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DanielW
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12 Sep 2022, 7:53 pm

Predators look for people who are loners and those without strong social networks, they also look for people who have a deficit when it comes to reading body-language and my have difficulty determining a persons emotional intents. That could describe a lot of people on the spectrum.



IsabellaLinton
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12 Sep 2022, 10:10 pm

To an extent they're attracted to us.
I think we emit vibes of helplessness and naivete.

To another extent, I think it's kind of our own fault.
By that, I mean we don't pick up on the warning signs (reading eyes, understanding motive, etc.)



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16 Sep 2022, 2:18 pm

There are so many scam artists on dating sites. They all tell you what you want to hear. Who doesn't want to hear that? They make you feel special. "Love bombing" So how do we have a healthy level of scepticism that doesn't cripple oneself. Aka, a healthy level of narcissism for oneself.

I just feel like I give way too many chances, I want to believe that they can be a better, but then they simply get away with again, because I let them! They just walk all over me. I always feel used. They have so many clever ways of justifying what they do. I'm trying to figure why I let this happen and how to prevent it.

I just feel like a big idiot.



FormerChild
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16 Sep 2022, 2:38 pm

They've done studies which found that 1 in 10 people are narcissists. But for me it's been like 1 in 2 or 3 in 4. :lol: I would say about 90% of the impactful relationships I've had in my life, have been with toxic people who were grooming me or taking advantage of me in some way. But I think looking back on those relationships, those people didn't groom and take advantage of everyone they knew, or other mutual friends/colleagues. Like others have said, I think we just make easy targets. From what I've read, even at a young age, NTs can detect that something is different about us, which makes them shun us or treat us differently.