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BreathlessJade
Deinonychus
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Joined: 25 Aug 2022
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10 Sep 2022, 8:41 pm

I don't know if anybody is available to pm. I'm just in a dark place. I just tried "cutting" myself. i didn't penetrate the skin. I cannot handle not knowing officially if i'm on the spectrum. i've gone from place to place with dead ends "we don't diagnose adults", "it's 2,000 and we're booked til next years", or just silence from family. i feel myself getting more and more withdrawn. I don't know how silly that seems to you but a label would bring so much clarity and give me something to offer my neurotypical family and friends whether they accept it or not. I just really need someone to talk to. i won't be overly negative. i'm just seriously lonely and crying out and could use a friend :oops: :cry: .



CockneyRebel
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10 Sep 2022, 8:44 pm

Sweet Pea hugs


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Oberfeldwebel

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BreathlessJade
Deinonychus
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Joined: 25 Aug 2022
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Posts: 377
Location: Cali

10 Sep 2022, 9:02 pm

CockneyRebel wrote:
Sweet Pea hugs

not sure what that means but its sounds very kind. thank you



Pteranomom
Deinonychus
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Joined: 21 Apr 2022
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Posts: 345

11 Sep 2022, 12:38 am

I'm sorry you are having such a rough time. Try to remember that you have a right to label yourself. You have a right to use words to convey what you are feeling to others, no matter what a psychiatrist or anyone else says. If you don't feel 100% confortable calling yourself autistic without the confirmation if a diagnosis, you can always go with "neurodiverse." Or you can give more detailed explanations--for example, my son has motor and verbal tics, a contamination phobia, and he adores cats.

Try to focus on the good--the kitty cats of life. It WILL get better.



ASPartOfMe
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11 Sep 2022, 3:53 am

Rolling Stones wrote:
No, you can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometime you'll find
You get what you need

While for now, you can't get what you want a professional diagnosis settling for "I suspect I am autistic" and making decisions on the assumption that you are autistic might get you what you need.

I have been on this site since 2013 and have read about a lot of reactions of loved ones to a diagnosis. What I am saying is that there is no guarantee your family will accept a professional diagnosis.

Acceptance from our families is important, there is no minimizing that. But you are 39 years old. Being an adult sometimes means prioritizing your own needs ahead of ahead acceptance from your family.

The adult diagnosis situation is bad but noticeably better than it was when I started here. I see no reason why that won't continue so eventually I think you will get your assessment. We are only here on this earth for a limited amount of time so it is a good idea to make the best of bad situations.

I would advise taking a break from trying to get assessed for 6 months or a year or so. Live your life, enjoy your interests etc. Your mind will be in a better place and thus possibly able to pursue more effective strategies to get an assessment.

I hope some of this is helpful,
Good Luck,
ASPartOfMe


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Professionally Identified and joined WP August 26, 2013
DSM 5: Autism Spectrum Disorder, DSM IV: Aspergers Moderate Severity

“My autism is not a superpower. It also isn’t some kind of god-forsaken, endless fountain of suffering inflicted on my family. It’s just part of who I am as a person”. - Sara Luterman


r00tb33r
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11 Sep 2022, 4:01 am

I'm not the best person to soothe, but I'll say this.

Whether or not you're diagnosable, you're still you. Getting that answer only improves your understanding of yourself.

If there was a reason for you to wonder if you had autism, likely the advice given to people with autism will apply to you, as it applies just as well to people who are not on the spectrum.

As for cutting, I've cut myself before when I was 13. It's positively stupid, and took over a decade for the scars to disappear.


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I've reached the end.


temp1234
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11 Sep 2022, 4:56 am

BreathlessJade wrote:
I don't know if anybody is available to pm. I'm just in a dark place. I just tried "cutting" myself. i didn't penetrate the skin. I cannot handle not knowing officially if i'm on the spectrum. i've gone from place to place with dead ends "we don't diagnose adults", "it's 2,000 and we're booked til next years", or just silence from family. i feel myself getting more and more withdrawn. I don't know how silly that seems to you but a label would bring so much clarity and give me something to offer my neurotypical family and friends whether they accept it or not. I just really need someone to talk to. i won't be overly negative. i'm just seriously lonely and crying out and could use a friend :oops: :cry: .
Hi. I send my moral support to you. I can understand your need for an official diagnosis. That gives you an official explanation for some of the struggles you've had in your life. I certainly felt a sense of relief when I got my diagnosis. The diagnosis helps in some practical ways, too, such as in receiving support from the autism association of the state where I live (I'm not USAn) etc. I've seen some other USA people on WP having difficulty getting diagnosed. However, I think some USA adults do get a diagnosis. I believe that it just takes some time and effort. Even without a diagnosis yet, you know yourself better than anyone else do. It's frustrating that some people don't understand your difficulties etc. I believe WP is a good place for finding people that understand your loneliness and struggles though it's just online. I hope you feel less lonely communicating with people here.



kraftiekortie
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11 Sep 2022, 7:33 am

It doesn’t make any difference to your essence as a person whether you’re diagnosed with autism or not.

A diagnosis doesn’t make a person.

I’m a person who just happens to be diagnosed with autism. If I wasn’t diagnosed with autism, I would be the same person. I guess I’m lucky I was diagnosed at preschool age.

I’m glad the knife didn’t penetrate the skin.



Trachea
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Joined: 30 Aug 2022
Age: 34
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Posts: 176

11 Sep 2022, 7:47 am

You getting a diagnosis is not in any way going to change your life for the better or worse, okay?

People need to stop thinking it's a) death sentence b) some magic wand.

Firstly there is probably nothing anyone will do to accommodate you anymore with a diagnosis, your life will be essentially the same. You can get help with depression and anxiety regardless. Any insight and help with autism though will most probably be due to your own work on educating yourself about it and getting to know yourself.

Secondly there is 100% nothing that you don't already experience that a diagnosis will change about you. The "stigma" is getting lifted and you also don't have to disclose being on the spectrum to anyone you don't want to.

If you are unsure, do more online tests for yourself and then if the results are very convincing and you feel a strong sense of belonging with other autistic people's experiences then you can self-diagnose. You are welcomed to the community and there are online resources here and elsewhere that can help with some of the issues that people on the spectrum experience.

Don't throw your hand because of uncertainty, you can handle this situation and get through it 100%.

But if your friends and family are causing you such distress that you are feeling suicidal thoughts you have to be honest to them what they do to you is unhealthy. To me it sounds like maybe you should try to get some space away from them? I don't really understand what it would mean to offer them an autism diagnosis since usually people don't change the way they treat you because of that. In my experience people who do not want to understand you, will not, autism diagnosis or no.



Last edited by Trachea on 11 Sep 2022, 10:38 am, edited 1 time in total.

Lady Strange
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11 Sep 2022, 9:04 am

I am about your age, and I too have run into some of the same difficulties trying to get a diagnosis as an adult. It is for sure harder to get than as a child.

If you are autistic (you have the symptoms, have the behaviors, and have the struggles), then you are whether you get that label officially put on you or not. I know its hard to not have the official, but it doesn't change who you actually are. I know too that it is nice validation, and especially with family too. I am very lucky that my family has been accepting (I don't think they would have years ago). Do you have a general practitioner that you can bring it up to? I went with my husband to my GP and he (my husband) helped explain what I go through and what we've discovered, and he seemed to think it was indeed the case, despite not being able to officially give a diagnosis.

*Hugs* I know its hard, I've gone through a lot of mental struggles with all this trying to get it sorted out in my head and trying to figure out a way to get it looked into.



BreathlessJade
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

Joined: 25 Aug 2022
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 377
Location: Cali

11 Sep 2022, 11:44 am

Pteranomom wrote:
I'm sorry you are having such a rough time. Try to remember that you have a right to label yourself. You have a right to use words to convey what you are feeling to others, no matter what a psychiatrist or anyone else says. If you don't feel 100% confortable calling yourself autistic without the confirmation if a diagnosis, you can always go with "neurodiverse." Or you can give more detailed explanations--for example, my son has motor and verbal tics, a contamination phobia, and he adores cats.

Try to focus on the good--the kitty cats of life. It WILL get better.

Whoa?! That's so helpful! So for the time being, neurodiverse!! :heart: :heart:



BreathlessJade
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

Joined: 25 Aug 2022
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 377
Location: Cali

11 Sep 2022, 11:48 am

Trachea wrote:
You getting a diagnosis is not in any way going to change your life for the better or worse, okay?

People need to stop thinking it's a) death sentence b) some magic wand.

Firstly there is probably nothing anyone will do to accommodate you anymore with a diagnosis, your life will be essentially the same. You can get help with depression and anxiety regardless. Any insight and help with autism though will most probably be due to your own work on educating yourself about it and getting to know yourself.

Secondly there is 100% nothing that you don't already experience that a diagnosis will change about you. The "stigma" is getting lifted and you also don't have to disclose being on the spectrum to anyone you don't want to.

If you are unsure, do more online tests for yourself and then if the results are very convincing and you feel a strong sense of belonging with other autistic people's experiences then you can self-diagnose. You are welcomed to the community and there are online resources here and elsewhere that can help with some of the issues that people on the spectrum experience.

Don't throw your hand because of uncertainty, you can handle this situation and get through it 100%.

But if your friends and family are causing you such distress that you are feeling suicidal thoughts you have to be honest to them what they do to you is unhealthy. To me it sounds like maybe you should try to get some space away from them? I don't really understand what it would mean to offer them an autism diagnosis since usually people don't change the way they treat you because of that. In my experience people who do not want to understand you, will not, autism diagnosis or no.

I got so much from your reply! I can be happy now! I can protect myself now. I won't change because of a diagnosis! I'm still me and I have a right to protect myself. I'm going to have to remember this stuff when my worries return. Thank you and everyone else!!



BreathlessJade
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

Joined: 25 Aug 2022
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 377
Location: Cali

11 Sep 2022, 11:50 am

r00tb33r wrote:
I'm not the best person to soothe, but I'll say this.

Whether or not you're diagnosable, you're still you. Getting that answer only improves your understanding of yourself.

If there was a reason for you to wonder if you had autism, likely the advice given to people with autism will apply to you, as it applies just as well to people who are not on the spectrum.

As for cutting, I've cut myself before when I was 13. It's positively stupid, and took over a decade for the scars to disappear.

Thank you for sharing that!



BreathlessJade
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

Joined: 25 Aug 2022
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 377
Location: Cali

11 Sep 2022, 11:53 am

Oh my goodness! The advice and understanding has been thouroghly grounding and strong for me.its helping so much. Thank you for welcoming me in. Its empowering.



CockneyRebel
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11 Sep 2022, 1:38 pm

I'm not a good talker, so I give hugs instead and I like to be a Sweet Pea to everyone.


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Oberfeldwebel

Age: 48
Gender: Non-Binary
Pronouns: He/Him/His
IQ: 86 and I use all 86 of them.


BreathlessJade
Deinonychus
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Joined: 25 Aug 2022
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 377
Location: Cali

11 Sep 2022, 8:06 pm

ASPartOfMe wrote:
Rolling Stones wrote:
No, you can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometime you'll find
You get what you need

While for now, you can't get what you want a professional diagnosis settling for "I suspect I am autistic" and making decisions on the assumption that you are autistic might get you what you need.

I have been on this site since 2013 and have read about a lot of reactions of loved ones to a diagnosis. What I am saying is that there is no guarantee your family will accept a professional diagnosis.

Acceptance from our families is important, there is no minimizing that. But you are 39 years old. Being an adult sometimes means prioritizing your own needs ahead of ahead acceptance from your family.

The adult diagnosis situation is bad but noticeably better than it was when I started here. I see no reason why that won't continue so eventually I think you will get your assessment. We are only here on this earth for a limited amount of time so it is a good idea to make the best of bad situations.

I would advise taking a break from trying to get assessed for 6 months or a year or so. Live your life, enjoy your interests etc. Your mind will be in a better place and thus possibly able to pursue more effective strategies to get an assessment.

I hope some of this is helpful,
Good Luck,
ASPartOfMe

I needed that advise so much! I will do that