I missed convocation yesterday

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So the whole last week I kept getting all those emails about "convocation". And I was like what the f**k you are talking about? I thought convocation means graduation. Who the f**k is graduating three weeks after semester starts??? I didn't want to get disracted by something like that as I had other things I was behind on so I just put aside the whole idea of reading those emails. Then as those emails kept pouring in, I thought "okay since this is a bit too popular to ignore, I think I should come; but I am still too busy, lets take care of it later". And then yesterday I realize that the day it was supposed to be was 16-th (not "some time in the future" like I hoped) and, worse, it was supposed to be from 9 am to 12 pm, and I wake up late so it was already 10:30 am. So I rashed there, but I had to take a bus that doesn't come very often. So I came at 12:30, but I told myself that they close offices for 5 hours so who knows maybe it will end at 2. But nope it was ended, there were 3 or 4 people moving tables and thats it.

So I asked just in case is it still going on or it ended (I was talking to two people: a man and a woman, who were wroking together)? They said its ended. I asked them what I missed. They said I can watch videos. I asked them what could I have contributted if I were to come on time. They said it was mainly for team building so that people could interact and get to know each other. But that is EXACTLY why I wish I could come. Due to my Asperger I make no friends and this was that rare opportunity when who knows maybe I could have made some friends? Well I guess not: when I came to orientation a month ago nobody sat next to me. But I can always hope it could have been different. The point is that if I want to grasp at the straw to make friends, THIS would have been my chance. If not an event such as this then when??? So anyway I didn't go into all this, I simply responded "so when can I get to know people". They again responded I can watch videos. So I reiterated that I was asking about GETTING TO KNOW people, I can't do that through videos. So remember I talked to two people: one man one woman. The one who is man responded "my name is Scott, whats your name". I didn't respond at all. Instead, I just turned around, and walked away.

I took a bus to a post office to send the weekly covid test (which I have to take since I am not vaccinated). Then I took the bus back, thinking I would apologize to Scott for being rude to him. He wasn't there any more. Then I complained to some girl about the same thing I complained to him. Unlike him, she didn't attempt to talk to me. She just said "I am sorry, may I help you find someone?" I told her I wasn't looking for anyone in particular, I wanted to make up for what I missed at the convication. She said she can't help me. Then I came to my own department and complained to my supervisor about it. He said I wasn't responsible in attending since I am part time faculty and not full time. I asked him "but was I the only part time faculty that didn't come". He said no, there were some that didn't come. But I was still frustrated on missing a chance to socialize. He just said he can't help me with that, and changed the subject on my responding to a certain form he filled when he supervised my class. So its really frustrating to miss an opportunity to socialize like that. Particularly since it seemed like everyone were there since they emailed us that offices would be closed.

Logic does not compute

You knew when the “meet and greet” event would occur, you did not attend the event, you complain that there are only videos of the event for you to watch, AND you blew off your one chance to do exactly what you wanted - getting to know people.

Self-defeating behavior, plain and simple.

First of all, it wasn't really "meet and greet" since it was 3 weeks into semester instead of at the very beginning. They did have events that *were* in the beginning, and I attended those. Now, those events were not "meet and greet" either: their purpose was to introduce us to how campus works. But the way I thought of them is that "introducing how things work" is just an excuse to "meet and greet". Thats why I was thinking "meet and greet already happened 3 weeks ago, what is going on now?"

Now, that doesn't make it any less important. Everything is important to me since I have no friends and I am desperate. But what I am trying to say is that the fact that I couldn't put it into any category is what made it "seem" optional, and thus made me not pay attention ... until I realized that yes it is important (since they even told us the offices will be closed at that time), but then it was too late.

I guess you can then ask "if you are so desperate that even optional stuff is important, why didn't you come? Or if you don't care about optional stuff, why are you obsessing about it now?" Okay the truth of a matter is this:

1) I am desperate to socialize

2) I am behind on school work so I don't have time to do things UNLESS they directly address my desperate need

So, because of 1, I keep obsessively checking email in hopes someone writes something to me personally (which never happens). And because of 2, whenever I see group emails (such as this one) I find excuses to ignore them.

As it happens, a week ago assistant dean called me out on the fact that I didn't fill out certain form because I had no idea about it since it was also sent to us in a group email. She actually told me that forgetting to fill it out is common (others did too) but the fact that I didn't know that it exists because I didn't read the email is a lot more concerning. She then gave me a list of other emails that were sent out that was important. I tried to read some of them. But then I just got even more confused because they were referring to some other things I have not read. And then I just put it off.

I guess this was part of the reason why I didn't want to read the email about convocation. Since reading this email was part of the "chore" of reading those other emails that she listed, which involves trying to read yet the other emails in order to find out what they refer to, etc. And I simpy didn't want to get involved in that chore because I am behind on my studies so I wanted to postpone it.

So, to respond to your other point, no I didn't know "when" that event would occur, because I didn't open those emails. But maybe I didn't really "want" to open them to see the date when it would occur, because if the date would be tomorrow, it would force me to stop my procrastination, which I didn't really want to do.

This is the same concept as my not looking at my bank account online because I don't really "want" to see it. And thats because I know I over-spend since I keep buying snack at every store I pass by. So I am afraid if I were to open and look at my bank account, I would be scared by what I see. Hence I didn't look at my bank account ... until I ran out of money. And when I ran out of money I was forced to look at it, kind of like when I heard that convocation is actually today I was forced to look at it too.

I'm confused.
Don't you already know the students who were graduating?
Was it last year's class?
Did you teach them?

Lets put it this way. Scott is 50 years old man. That other person is 50 year old woman. I blew a chance to get to know the former and, possibly, the latter.

The dean in my department is 50 year old man, the associate dean is 40 year old woman, my supervisor is 50 year old men. I know all three of them.

So since knowing the three middle aged people in my department didn't help me feel any less lonely, why would knowing two other middle aged people at some other random department help me?

By contrast, if I were to attend the actual event, I would have gotten to know 10 or 20 people. THAT would have made a difference. But I missed that opportunity and now I had to beg for crambs.

Now, if someone were to tell me "hey, if you were to attend the actual event you would have also gotten to know just 1 or 2 people" then I would have acted differently. But obviously nobody can really tell me that. Thats why I acted the way I did.

Well, I guess my experince is what can tell me that. From my experience of past such events, I gotten to know 1 or 2 people if I was lucky, but a lot more often it was 0.

But you see, I can not afford to trust that experience. Because doing so would amount to admitting I will be lonely for the rest of my life, which I don't want to do cause I am desperate. So I keep hoping for everything to change. Well, if there is ANY time for everything to change, that would be an event such as this one. But I missed that opportunity. Hence I was upset, and took it out on that guy the way I described.

Besides, it seems like that event was well thought out to arrange for us to get to know each other. They even listed such things as picking our food packages from Dions. It sounds like they were doing it as a team in some clever way. Well, it only "seems" that way, I don't "know" it since I didn't bother reading that email (again, for the same reason as I don't bother look at my bank account). But it certainly sounds like they arranged for us to make friends if only I were to attend this event on time.

I am confused too, which is part of the reason I wasn't attending.

Graduation at this time is highly unlikely since its the third week after the beginning of a sememster. So since it was so confusing, thats why I put it off trying to figure it out, which is part of a reason I wasn't opening the emails.

However, after the fact, I looked up "convocation" into English Russian translation online, and it says "созыв". Actually I never heard the word "созыв" used either. But, as a Russian speaker, I can look at the word structure and see that it means "calling people together". So since people can be called together for all sorts of things, then I guess it doesn't have to mean graduation.

In any case, back to your question. I haven't taught last year at the community college. Because last year I was TA, as most graduate students are. But this year I ran out of my TA-ship (since its the 7-th year in my department and I should have graduated by now which I haven't since my thesis is not ready). Thats why I got the job at the community college, while I am still trying to graduate (no, they didn't kick me out: they just stopped paying me; so I can still work on my thesis while I earn money by teaching at the community college).

But in any case, I don't really care about getting to know students. After all, from what I heard from other schools, teachers can't be friends with students anyway, to avoid conflict of interest in grading front. What I DID want is to make friends with other faculty members. So from that point of view it doesn't matter whether it was graduation or not. What matters is that other faculty members were there, and I missed an opportunity to meet them.

And yes there are faculty members of all ages. For example, in the table next to mine there is another former graduate student at the school I am a graduate student at. He is probably a decade younger than me, and he is a faculty (NOT a student) at the community college. So I wish I could meet more people such as him at this event. But I lost that opportunity since I didn't attend.

Many graduate programs finish in the late summer months, meaning their convocation will take place early in the next school year (typically autumn).

My Master's program finished in early August and the convocation was early October.

It wouldn't be fair for students to wait until the following spring / summer to receive their degrees, especially if they are applying to doctoral or fellowship programs, and submitting grant proposals. Most of those applications are due by November for the following academic year.

But I mentioned it was community college. Community college doesn't have graduate programs. It is only first two years undergraduate.

When I said that me and that other person are graduate students, we are both faculty. So a faculty at community college can be graduate students elsewhere. But students at community college can not be graduate students, since community college doesn't have graduate programs.

Also, me and that other person are graduate students at a different institution, since its not possible to be a graduate student at a community college. So the fact that we are graduate students at that other institution and the fact that we teach at community college are not logically related to each other.

This being said, I guess its possible that some undergraduate programs end in summer, who knows.