Don't feel happy after achieving things later than my peers

Page 1 of 1 [ 10 posts ] 

chris1989
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 2 Aug 2018
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,071
Location: Kent, UK

17 Sep 2022, 7:11 am

I seem to beat myself up for even for doing things later than my ''normal'' peers. I didn't drive at 17, I started driving my own car at 28, I never graduated from uni at 22 because I had only just started and left due over-work, and I didn't start my first paid job until I was 26 and not at 18. I seem to think people following the same route in life and do things at the same age. They start driving and leaving school at 17 or 18, go to uni and finish at 22 or 23 and go to work and possibly meet their life partner at that same age, peak at careers in possibly the mid 20s and start settling down having children in either the mid 20s, late 20s or early 30s. Even though I drive and work, I still haven't met anyone and have no children.

I don't even own my own home. I do remember seeing someone who was 23 and bought his first home. I seem to think it is still unheard of now though compared to what it was for my parents or grandparents in early adulthood. My grandparents had my mum and dad when they were in their early 20s and my mum (who worked different jobs) and dad (a carpenter and joiner like my grand-dad) had their own place in their early 20s and didn't start having me until their late 20s and had my sister in their early 30s.

I remember a while ago there was controversial debate when Kirstie Allsopp, presenter of the British tv show, Location Location Location was saying that young people should quit watching Netflix and going the gym or something, I think that was what she said and save up for their own home. I she explained about her own experience of having got her first house when she was 21. My sister (29), even though she doesn't drive her own car like me, didn't finish uni like me, is now a mother to a two-year old and has her own home to live in and worked some odd jobs before caring full-time for her son.



kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

17 Sep 2022, 7:46 am

I didn’t drive till I was 37. Didn’t graduate from college until age 45. Such is life. At least you accomplished those things, before I accomplished those things.

You’re not doing too badly.



CockneyRebel
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Age: 49
Gender: Male
Posts: 113,289
Location: Stalag 13

18 Sep 2022, 7:00 pm

I don't drive at all and I'm 47. There are a lot of things I didn't achieve, but I don't let it bother me. I can't afford to let those things bother me. And by the way, Sweet Pea hugs


_________________
Who wants to adopt a Sweet Pea?


Joe90
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 26,492
Location: UK

19 Sep 2022, 9:17 am

I didn't have sex until I was 23. I got my first paid job when I was 22. I had my first true relationship at 24 and moved out of my parents house at 28. I started driving lessons at 17 and got my license at 20, but I never got a car of my own.
So I don't think I've done too badly.

I've never been drunk before in my life (something 99.9% of non-religious people do), and I've never been clubbing or been to any music festivals.


_________________
Female


kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

19 Sep 2022, 10:51 pm

I’m one of the 0.5%. I’ve never gotten drunk, either……



jimmyjazzuk
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

Joined: 19 Jan 2018
Gender: Male
Posts: 375

19 Sep 2022, 11:27 pm

Kirstie Allsopp is totally out of touch, she was born rich.



beady
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Sep 2013
Age: 64
Gender: Female
Posts: 885

20 Sep 2022, 12:00 am

Well - getting drunk definitely has it’s ups and downs! Hehhehee
Glad I tried that a few times but just lie or sit in a chair that swivels, stare at the ceiling while the chair rotates until you don’t feel so good - voila!
Throw in a few giggles and some violent up chucking ...you’ve got the whole picture.



goldfish21
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Feb 2013
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 22,489
Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada

20 Sep 2022, 2:20 pm

On the bright side, the entire current generation isn't doing things that are 'expected,' of them by a certain age.. so who cares? Just blend in with the rest of us underachievers. :lol:

People are getting educated, but very few are getting married young or starting families young and even fewer are buying their own homes young - if ever at all.

It takes something ridiculous like 90% of the average gross income to pay for the average mortgage payment around here, and after income tax people don't even net that much money take home, and people need things like food/medicine/clothing/transportation etc so it's pretty much mathematically impossible for young people to buy their own home unless they save up a LOT of money over a long period of time and buy a very small old condo or something.

Goalposts have shifted for an entire generation and beyond to anyone younger.. there aren't the same expectations that you leave your parents' home by 18, buy your own home before 25, get married and start pumping out babies in the same time frame etc. Everything has changed for damned near everyone so who cares if you didn't do the same things your parents did or the same things as some other people did when they did them in their lives? Big whoop. It is what it is and life goes on.


_________________
No :heart: for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.


Joe90
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 26,492
Location: UK

20 Sep 2022, 2:43 pm

I think a lot of Aspies seem to believe that all NTs typically leave home at 18, get their driver's license at 17, fall in love and have sex at 15, get married at 20 and have their first baby at 21, and if you don't reach any of those milestones until after 21 then you're late. But the real world isn't actually as simple as that. My NT cousins didn't get married and have their first child until they were 30, and they were still living with their parents when they were 25. One of my extroverted NT cousins went to university and wanted to be a policewoman but she kept getting rejected whenever trying to get into the police force even though she had the right qualifications and social skills. So now she's coming up 40, got 2 children, is now a single parent (her husband left her) and just works part-time in a local school kitchen.

It seems to me that to succeed in life you need to know the right people. So if your family knows someone who owns a business, chances are they'll give you a job there as soon as you leave school or university, then they'll probably promote you and you'll go on from there, maybe ready to walk into another even higher job and so on. That's how people succeed. It's not about being NT, it's about the people you and your family know. Like they always say, it's not what you know, it's who you know, and I think that is a very true saying. If my cousin's parents had known somebody well who worked in the police force then my cousin probably would have got given a job there.


_________________
Female


goldfish21
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Feb 2013
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 22,489
Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada

20 Sep 2022, 3:04 pm

I'm ALMOST 40 years old and rent from my parents.. around here that's considered a blessing because I have stable housing at a reasonable price vs. facing eviction multiple times/year as people flip houses or want to raise the rent higher than the legal maximum allowed. There are also many South Easy Asians here that live in collective multi-generational households, so, overall it's not weird at all to not move out or not own your own home by any age - it's quite common and very normal.

I still may be moving in a few months, though, IF/when social workers can rescue my God son from the evil witch that has legal guardianship of him at the moment. We're hoping for a decision to be made on that in approximately 2.5 months.Then IF things go how we Hope they do, he'll move here to my parents place temporarily while we look for a home to rent near his high school. I'm going to try to rent an entire house with as many bedrooms as possible and then either airbnb or sublet out the other 1/2 we don't need while we get to keep the nicer half + garage/deck/yard etc. Can't consider buying because I don't have a $1.5M+ budget, but for approx $4k/mo I can rent a house and pay for utilities.

Times have changed.. people in my generation earn a little bit more money than my father did, but his first house cost $89K. Houses would have to cost something like $125-150K for it to be comparable. Then there are cars.. used to be like $5k for a new car, now it's nearly 10x that. etc. Therefore it's completely ridiculous to have the same expectations of youth today to be as independent as previous generations - it's simply mathematically impossible. People have no choice but to team up with family or roommates etc just to scrape by.. and almost everyone is in the same boat, soooooo, whatev's. The sun is still going to rise and set every day. Just live life.


_________________
No :heart: for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.