Page 1 of 2 [ 21 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

OldSouled
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 19 Sep 2022
Gender: Male
Posts: 5

19 Sep 2022, 5:40 pm

First of all, hello. Second of all let me apologize for such a long post. Third of all let me apologize if anything is insensitive...nothing is meant to be. Thank you for reading.

I'm 37, male, and have been struggling with mental health issues all my life. I've always felt like I didn't fit in this world. I haven't had a normal job since I was 22, and I walked out because I panicked since I didn't get the support I felt I needed. I've been depressed as long as I can remember.

I had a mental evaluation a few weeks ago. 2 days worth....approximately 5 hours total. I was ultimately diagnosed with Bipolar II, Generalized Anxiety w/ Panic Attacks, and OCD....(Also a rule-out for social anxiety). Bipolar was the only one that was new to me. One of the main reasons I wanted to get the evaluation was because I felt as though I may be autistic. Not getting the diagnosis was a really odd feeling. I felt like so much of the diagnostic process was based off of communication. While they said I had moments of awkwardness, I think they found my communication to be good and my eye contact to be good so this is the main reason they didn't think I was autistic. I know having an autism diagnosis would have been a confusing start of a new path in life and it would bring its own challenges, but not getting a diagnosis just made me feel more confused. Why do I feel so lost and different than those around me? What accounts for my hypersensitivities? My inability to connect with so much? I feel like I'm in the same place I've been since I was a kid...sometimes I think I'm the same person inside somehow even though I think so deeply.

I'm going to share some of the points I shared via email with one of the providers. Some of these things were requested by the provider (the pet peeves and things I do that bothers others). Please let me know if anyone has any thoughts on all of this. Thanks so much.

SOME PET PEEVES
Someone coming over to the house unexpectedly
Vague statements like “over there”, “that thing”, “you know”
Changing plans
High temperatures
Cell phones in movie theaters
Flaky people
Texting and driving
Someone not respecting boundaries
People using lots of sayings and riddles

SOME THINGS I DO THAT BOTHER OTHERS
Worrying too much
Being a bad listener
Trying to be funny but doing it in a hurtful way when I get carried away
Cracking my joints a lot of times throughout the day
Interrupting people when they’re talking
Throat clearing
Being mysterious or hard to figure out
Not cooking
Appearing aloof or lazy

REASONS WHY I FEEL DIFFERENT
“I don’t fit in this world”… I’ve said this to myself since I was young.
I can’t keep a real job…walked out of one and abruptly left the other. Been over 10 years since I had regular job.
Growing up I used to cry in my room alone for no reason.
I’ve always just wanted a world that is kind.
I feel I may have a false self more than I think I do.
I have demand avoidance (trouble with commitment).
I sucked my thumb past normal age (only at bedtime).
I’ve only had a couple close friends, all in Illinois, none since moving to Arizona in 2008. I’ve been bad at keeping up with the old friends.
I have depression.
I hate small talk. I prefer deeper conversation. And mostly only real interested if I know there is potential for a longer relationship.
I try to do things quietly and without confrontation.
I started having panic attacks in 4th grade that were caused by thoughts of nothingness after death.
I get really interested in certain things for a while and only focus on that and then get burnt out with it and lose interest.
I didn’t make any new friends in college.
I’m intuitive.
I’m usually outside conversations at events and tend to just listen.
I overthink conversations after they happen and replay things I said and wonder if it was the wrong thing to say.
I got diagnosed with OCD in 2009.
I have poor sleeping patterns.
I’ve never been able to figure out what my true identity is. I feel like I’m usually trying to be like people around me at the time and I tend to lose myself. Sometimes I’m not sure who I actually am.
I get burnout sometimes and have to cancel things and rest for days/weeks at a time.
I had a gambling problem and lost a lot of money and went to rehab. I left rehab after a day because I felt trapped and panicked.
I feel the best connection with dogs and animals.
I’m passive and shy.
I give short responses in conversation unless it’s something I’m really interested in. I notice I say the same responses a lot.
I went to 3 different colleges because I transferred twice after things didn’t work out.
My favorite music is usually music that makes me cry.
I also love movies that are sad and make me feel the most emotions.
I get migraines, including exertional migraines.
I like being alone a lot but I realize I need to be with friends and family more to feel better sometimes.
I always took baths instead of showers growing up.
I can’t handle real hot water, but not too cold either.
I’m afraid of flame and heat around the stove.
I’m always searching for a place that will fit me better.
Continual struggle having sex my first time.
I prefer movies and videos to books and articles.
I like watching people a lot but don’t like talking to them as much.
Sometimes I think I want friends but then I think I don’t when I think about all the effort it takes.
I have always made up random songs and words.
I’m atheist.
I struggle with dissociation.
I get goosebumps easily, even with hot water.
My wife makes a lot of the decisions for us and handles the finances and bills.
I don’t answer the phone most the time when people call, even my family.
I have a hard time keeping up with bathing, sometimes brushing teeth etc.
I’m afraid of knives and guns.
I have strong senses, especially smell.
I have had multiple times in my life when I go into deeper depression and I’m unsure why it happens.
I notice things others don’t about people and situations.
I don’t do well with loud noises.
At restaurants and other places with lots of people I have a hard time hearing or focusing on anyone I’m having a one on one conversation with because I hear the background noise so heavily. I notice myself looking around a lot and getting distracted easily.
Certain clothing textures (and tags) bother me so I can’t wear them.
Certain smells bother me and give me a headache.
I get irritated easily.
I wish people would just tell me exactly what they mean or what they want.
I don’t handle bright lights very well.
I get overheated easily. I don’t handle high temperature and direct sunlight very well.
I hate talking on the phone and get very anxious if I need to make a call. I prefer text or email. When texting I don’t talk the same way as if I was on the phone or in person, even if it’s my own mom. She has told me this. I’m much more open and myself in text.
I have difficulty starting things.
Growing up I would just have 1 or 2 really close friends at a time and we would stay overnight at each other’s house for upwards of a week at a time sometimes until we would get tired of each other.
I feel like I’m not on the same level as other people my age and I don’t fit in.
I squint a lot when outside.



timf
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Oct 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 936

20 Sep 2022, 6:04 am

There is a guy I think his name is Pete from the UK who has some good videos (on youtube) about how he came to manage his bipolar 2 with supplements. You might find them helpful.

Navigating a world so different usually takes time to accumulate skills. The advice you get here can also be very helpful.



ASPartOfMe
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Aug 2013
Age: 65
Gender: Male
Posts: 29,632
Location: Long Island, New York

21 Sep 2022, 5:30 am

Welcome to wrong planet.

Some things you mentioned are autistic traits and some preferences.

By the time we are old souls a lot of us learn either how to compensate for our lack of innate social and people reading skills or we learn these skills through close observation. This is called "masking", "passing", or "Pretending to be normal". Clinicians misdiagnose autistic adults because of the outward appearance of near normality. It is changing but there are still a lot of clinicians that do not understand how autism presents in adults.

Are you one of those misdiagnosed people? Based on one post it would be irresponsible of me to hazard a guess.

If it is a misdiagnosis that does not mean it was totally wrong. It might mean they are partially correct. Those mental illnesses you described are common co-occurring conditions with autism.

Everybody has a right to a second opinion. In looking back to the clinician that diagnosed you and looking forward to a possible future clinician I can give you some basic tips. Is the clinician a psychologist or a psychiatrist? A psychiatrist's job is to treat mental illness, often by prescribing drugs. Autism is a developmental disability, not a mental illness so psychiatrists are often not the best professionals to treat autism. Not all psychologists, not even all Autism specialists have the professional knowledge to diagnose and treat mature adult Autistics. This is because until recently Autism was thought of as a childhood condition. Therefore many Autism specialists do not have experience in treating adults or are working off of dated diagnostic criteria. They see the mental illnesses but not that the decades of trying to pass as not autistic caused the mental illnesses.


_________________
Professionally Identified and joined WP August 26, 2013
DSM 5: Autism Spectrum Disorder, DSM IV: Aspergers Moderate Severity

“My autism is not a superpower. It also isn’t some kind of god-forsaken, endless fountain of suffering inflicted on my family. It’s just part of who I am as a person”. - Sara Luterman


livingwithautism
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Sep 2015
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,337
Location: USA

27 Sep 2022, 6:38 pm

Up until this point I never heard of an adult pursuing an autism diagnosis that didn’t get the diagnosis. It must be super rare for that to happen.



Pteranomom
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

Joined: 21 Apr 2022
Age: 39
Gender: Female
Posts: 345

28 Sep 2022, 1:22 am

I think there are different varieties of autism and the symptoms can manifest in different ways depending on the person. My son's autism manifests as OCD-type. He has classic OCD behaviors like washing his hands over and over, but it's part of a bigger complex of autistic behaviors.

You also have OCD. So when the doctor looked at you, he saw the OCD. That doesn't mean you don't also have autism. It just means the OCD was most salient to him.



autisticelders
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 23 Feb 2020
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,126
Location: Alpena MI

28 Sep 2022, 7:36 am

Diagnosis of autism in older adults is very tricky and many attempting find the professionals they consult unexperienced or not up to date with the latest info on autism.

Unless you saw somebody who already has experience and a specialty in autism in particular it is unlikely that you would have found diagnosis.

Diagnosis is based on a triad of behaviors, and it is odd to me that now that we know through science that autism is due to uneven development of our neurology the diagnostic criteria are not being changed (perhaps "they" are working on this issue.

Mean time it is up to a diagnostic professional to be able to spot autism in an older adult. EAch diagnosis is a personal opinion based solely on observation and test results.
Diagnosing seems to be based on the behavior of an 8 year old male child, and of course the older we get the more we adapt, grow, and change to accommodate or work around all of our quirks and struggles. We don't do things the same way we did when we were children!

In the case of autism there is no diagnostic test for blood type signs , DNA, appearance, one behavior we all have or some physical clue we all have (green fingernails for example) .

Instead it is a guessing game that depends on the skill of a practitioner. If you go to a generalist psychologist or neurologist , their experience with autistic individuals will be about 2 or 3 percent of their practice, and in most cases would never be recognized as being autistic.


If you feel as if the recent multiple diagnoses is a misdiagnosis , you are not alone, and many of us have been saddled with 5 or 6 disorders instead, in order to explain our autism.

Please continue to search for info about autism. Self identification is well accepted in most autistic forums because we know how very difficult it is to obtain diagnosis as an older adult.

It is definitely a lot to sort, but knowing our autism diagnosis (even if it is not official) can be life changing. I found suddenly my whole life began to make sense when I began to understand it from the perspective of being autistic.

Check out books, videos, podcasts, blogs, groups, articles and studies online. You don't have to give up because the diagnosis you were saddled with does not seem to fit. You know yourself and your struggles better than any diagnostician can know you from a few hours of interviews and testing. Cheering you on. You are definitely not alone!


_________________
https://oldladywithautism.blog/

"Curiosity is one of the permanent and certain characteristics of a vigorous intellect.” Samuel Johnson


Double Retired
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 31 Jul 2020
Age: 68
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,525
Location: U.S.A.

28 Sep 2022, 8:28 am

There are other possible explanations for having some Autism traits. Maybe the individual has some Autism traits but not enough to qualify for an ASD diagnosis. And there are other "disorders" that manifest some Autism traits.


_________________
When diagnosed I bought champagne!
I finally knew why people were strange.


Elgee
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

Joined: 20 Dec 2021
Gender: Female
Posts: 171
Location: Med West

29 Sep 2022, 12:46 pm

GET A SECOND ASSESSMENT from a totally different provider; somehow, someway, find the money to get this done.

EYE CONTACT. I can win a staring context. The psych who diagnosed me with autism said that a person could have good eye contact and still be on the spectrum. Since my diagnosis earlier this year I've been to numerous autistic social meetups. Most everyone gives eye contact! I can't tell the difference between their eye contact and that from neurotyps.

Vet your next assessor. Ask about eye contact. Early in my assessment in person I asked, and she said that there are many nonverbal ways of communication, and eye contact is but one. Though it seems MOST autistics can't hold eye contact, this is not a universal struggle for every single autistic ("If you've met one autistic you've met one autistic). Your examiner is OUTDATED in their thinking.

You definitely sound autistic with all those traits you mentioned. A formal diagnosis is validating and can also come in handy for free assistance, plus also will get you a "pass" on the job if there are any conflicts.



Fern
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 May 2011
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,288

30 Sep 2022, 12:08 pm

livingwithautism wrote:
Up until this point I never heard of an adult pursuing an autism diagnosis that didn’t get the diagnosis. It must be super rare for that to happen.


I knew someone in an adult ASD support group who didn't receive a diagnosis after being evaluated.



CockneyRebel
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Age: 48
Gender: Male
Posts: 109,138
Location: On a special base where the Christmas soldiers of the world live

01 Oct 2022, 12:14 am

Sweet Pea hugs


_________________
Oberfeldwebel

Age: 48
Gender: Non-Binary
Pronouns: He/Him/His
IQ: 86 and I use all 86 of them.


OldSouled
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 19 Sep 2022
Gender: Male
Posts: 5

08 Oct 2022, 9:54 am

Thanks so much to everyone that responded. It’s been a tough month trying to process this and reevaluate what to do next. It really felt like a gut punch. So the ideas and support are really helpful when I feel so confused, overwhelmed, and alone.



BreathlessJade
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

Joined: 25 Aug 2022
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 374
Location: Cali

08 Oct 2022, 11:02 am

ASPartOfMe wrote:
Welcome to wrong planet.

Some things you mentioned are autistic traits and some preferences.

By the time we are old souls a lot of us learn either how to compensate for our lack of innate social and people reading skills or we learn these skills through close observation. This is called "masking", "passing", or "Pretending to be normal". Clinicians misdiagnose autistic adults because of the outward appearance of near normality. It is changing but there are still a lot of clinicians that do not understand how autism presents in adults.

Are you one of those misdiagnosed people? Based on one post it would be irresponsible of me to hazard a guess.

If it is a misdiagnosis that does not mean it was totally wrong. It might mean they are partially correct. Those mental illnesses you described are common co-occurring conditions with autism.

Everybody has a right to a second opinion. In looking back to the clinician that diagnosed you and looking forward to a possible future clinician I can give you some basic tips. Is the clinician a psychologist or a psychiatrist? A psychiatrist's job is to treat mental illness, often by prescribing drugs. Autism is a developmental disability, not a mental illness so psychiatrists are often not the best professionals to treat autism. Not all psychologists, not even all Autism specialists have the professional knowledge to diagnose and treat mature adult Autistics. This is because until recently Autism was thought of as a childhood condition. Therefore many Autism specialists do not have experience in treating adults or are working off of dated diagnostic criteria. They see the mental illnesses but not that the decades of trying to pass as not autistic caused the mental illnesses.

Everything you said was very helpful. I'm seeking a diagnosis and have years of masking. I also have people around me, including some mental health drs who follow that stereo typical concept. So when I sign up, I'm going to as those questions before I invest in a diagnostic evaluation. Its kind of angers me that they get to "officially" determine stuff they don't get full understanding about.



Double Retired
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 31 Jul 2020
Age: 68
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,525
Location: U.S.A.

08 Oct 2022, 11:32 am

OldSouled wrote:
Thanks so much to everyone that responded. It’s been a tough month trying to process this and reevaluate what to do next. It really felt like a gut punch. So the ideas and support are really helpful when I feel so confused, overwhelmed, and alone.

I'm inclined to think an important point to remember is: with or without a diagnosis and whether the diagnosis is correct or not, you are the same person after the diagnosis that you were before the diagnosis.

Except that if the diagnosis is correct you are a little bit smarter with it. And if it's wrong you are a little more confused with it.

The best diagnosis is a correct diagnosis. (But, like I said, it just makes you a little better informed.)


_________________
When diagnosed I bought champagne!
I finally knew why people were strange.


DanielW
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jan 2019
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 932
Location: PNW USA

08 Oct 2022, 11:43 am

Elgee wrote:
GET A SECOND ASSESSMENT from a totally different provider; somehow, someway, find the money to get this done.


While I agree somewhat. I don't think a 2nd assessment is going to do much, especially if it would mean paying out of pocket for it. A person can have autistic traits without it qualifying as a full-blown pathology. The OP already has a diagnosis or 2 that will qualify for workplace accommodation and/or disability benefits. A further label of Autism isn't going to gain anything the OP can't get already, and with the combination of comorbidities already present an accurate ASD diagnosis would be difficult enough without adding that much addition debt (Most insurers won't pay for a second assessment)



OldSouled
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 19 Sep 2022
Gender: Male
Posts: 5

08 Oct 2022, 1:23 pm

Because of my wife’s new job and therefore new upcoming insurance, a second assessment could be possible if that’s something we would want to pursue. We are likely moving to a new state (she works remotely so we have that option) and would probably want to let things settle in first.



Double Retired
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 31 Jul 2020
Age: 68
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,525
Location: U.S.A.

08 Oct 2022, 2:47 pm

I hope you've stumbled across these:
=>- Autism-Spectrum Quotient Test
=>- Aspie-Quiz Registering is optional!

They won't give you a diagnosis but they might help confirm your suspicions.

And they're free.


_________________
When diagnosed I bought champagne!
I finally knew why people were strange.