Narcissism or Aspergers? My friends are confused.

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Highlander852456
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21 Sep 2022, 9:23 am

KitLily wrote:
Highlander852456 wrote:
KittyLily wrote:
With me it's the 'self centredness.' Narcissists are self centred and want everything their own way all the time. Autists can APPEAR to want everything their own way all the time.

But if autists are clearly informed that they are upsetting/hurting other people, they'll be shocked and try and make amends.

Narcissists will just get angry if they are clearly informed that they are upsetting/hurting other people. And often repeat the behaviour because they get a kick out of upsetting/hurting other people.

Well that's my view of it anyway. It's all down to awareness of themselves and others.


I have to disagree. Somewhat important to know that both narcissism and autism display in some situations in similar ways.

Generally I think there are lots of issues in autism that might be sort of like narcissism.

Also reading literature recently I have to disagree with the sentiment its easy to tell them apart.


Yes, if you read my first comment above, you'll see that I struggle to tell them apart. I was just trying to find some way of doing so.

I think it could also be intention. Narcissists love deliberately hurting others because they think they're not getting the amount of admiration they think they deserve.

I think autists hurt people just as a side effect. They have their own goals and needs, and if people get hurt, it's just one of those things. I am sure autists don't think they should get vast amounts of admiration. That thread about Histrionic Personality Disorder suggests that autists hate to be the centre of attention.


I tend to agree with you.
I have to be honest I find the the concept of narcissism, rather problematic.
I think the key thing is that narcissism is defined by variety of criteria, which can be pretty situational.

I think the key component here is that both may be applicable I guess to a person.
Depends how experts set emphasis on various criteria of personality.


I feel/think that if for instance autism explains more of my problems then narcissism or seems easier to understand and relate to as condition than narcissism then I would use this framework.
If it were reverse Id use that.
Technically though both frameworks might be useful.

The last book I read, there were pretty obvious things that happened in my life that seemed to correlate strongly with autism.

For me the clear defining factor here was, in Autism, they said, suicide and death themes, and general overall negativism were sometimes part of autism. I had that a lot in my former years.
Anxiety in social situations. Which I got over to some degree.
Communication and masking my natural self since early years.
Interpreting language in wrongs ways, reading with less than normal comprehension, therefore reading and not understanding intent.

I definitely did learn to lie. Though I am not sure how successful I was with lying.
I prefer honesty over lying though.
I just used lying as coping mechanism to get over social situations.


Reduced theory of mind.



KitLily
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21 Sep 2022, 9:29 am

funeralxempire wrote:
Narcissists are more likely to have a goal that socially elevates them, autists are far less likely.

Someone who makes harming others the primary goal seems like they'd have more than just narcissism going on, supposing narcissism is even a consideration. Some people who enjoy harming others have motives beyond building themselves up.


That's the key isn't it! The socially elevating goal!

I meant 'harming' as in being a bit spiteful and putting down other people, I didn't mean anything major like stabbing, abusing. Just so I'm clear.


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funeralxempire
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21 Sep 2022, 9:34 am

KitLily wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
Narcissists are more likely to have a goal that socially elevates them, autists are far less likely.

Someone who makes harming others the primary goal seems like they'd have more than just narcissism going on, supposing narcissism is even a consideration. Some people who enjoy harming others have motives beyond building themselves up.


That's the key isn't it! The socially elevating goal!

I meant 'harming' as in being a bit spiteful and putting down other people, I didn't mean anything major like stabbing, abusing. Just so I'm clear.


I was using harm in the broadest sense possible, so we were on the same page it seems.

Most people who enjoy hurting others don't do so in major ways, those tend to carry consequences.


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KitLily
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21 Sep 2022, 9:35 am

Highlander852456 wrote:
I think the key thing is that narcissism is defined by variety of criteria, which can be pretty situational.

I think the key component here is that both may be applicable I guess to a person.
Depends how experts set emphasis on various criteria of personality.

I definitely did learn to lie. Though I am not sure how successful I was with lying.
I prefer honesty over lying though.
I just used lying as coping mechanism to get over social situations.


Yes, I've learned that much of the time, people don't have a personality that is set in stone. They tend to react in a certain way to certain situations e.g. if person A gets pushed aside in a queue, they get angry. If person B gets pushed aside in a queue, they burst into tears.

I agree both narcissism and autism can apply to a person. It's complicated, argh!

I agree about lying. I've learned that people prefer me to be subtle and vague about anything remotely personal. They don't like my clear, blunt assessments of situations and people. They get terribly offended.

And I learned to lie when people ask me 'what do you think of Jane/Tom/Chris/their behaviour?' If I say what I really think of Jane/Tom/Chris, the people will run back to J/T/C and tell them what I said about them. So I just mutter vague platitudes.


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KitLily
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21 Sep 2022, 9:38 am

funeralxempire wrote:
KitLily wrote:
That's the key isn't it! The socially elevating goal!

I meant 'harming' as in being a bit spiteful and putting down other people, I didn't mean anything major like stabbing, abusing. Just so I'm clear.


I was using harm in the broadest sense possible, so we were on the same page it seems.

Most people who enjoy hurting others don't do so in major ways, those tend to carry consequences.


Yes, the nasty subtle ways of harming that are everywhere. :roll:


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22 Sep 2022, 12:02 am

WilliamPretzel wrote:
Can anyone help me determine if I have Aspergers or narcissism? ...

Nothing here sounds like asperger's IMO.



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24 Sep 2022, 2:25 am

We live in such a polarised, this v that world, where If one thing exists the other is brutally disqualified. I know many people with ASD and Narcissism.