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Gammeldans
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23 Sep 2022, 6:18 am

I have met people with ASD who are slow to react.
An example:
Let's say I talk with a person with ASD. I start by saying something. Then the other person say something but it is very short and it takes a little time before the person reacts. Maybe some seconds more than what is normal.
Then it is like I have to do the job of keep the discussion or talking going on as the other person won't really be of much help.
It is like we have one very introverted person who is slow and have difficulties responding when talking to him/her.
I myself can be introverted but I do act more extroverted in some situations.
You try to get the flow going in the situation but it's like the other person just won't allow it.

Do you know why some people with ASD would behave like this? And do you know what such a person would want or need from other people?



babybird
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23 Sep 2022, 6:32 am

I'm no expert but from what I've read about P/w asd on here maybe they feel more comfortable talking about their own interests until they feel comfortable enough to talk about other things so maybe asking them questions about what they like and listening to them could be a good start. I think that's the same with some NT people as well to be honest.

I'm more of a banter type person. I like people who to make fun of me so I can do it back. I also like to share stories with people as well.

I would say that I am an introverted type ut I'm also quite outgoing as well.


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Gammeldans
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23 Sep 2022, 6:45 am

I wonder if it is not actually about information processing difficulties.
Like if you won't get the flow going because the person have to process information in a slow way.



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23 Sep 2022, 6:49 am

Could be that for some people.


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Gammeldans
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23 Sep 2022, 8:42 am

The big question is: do people who are slower even want to say to other people what they need?

Do they or you(if you are one of those people) even want to tell other's what you need?
Are there reasons why not to tell?

I find that people who refuses to talk about their needs when it comes to communication are people who foces other people to guesss what the needs are. It can be seen as very rude.
I must say that even NT people have needs that they refuse to mention.
I am only talking about people with whom one have a relationship with; be it a relationship at work, friendship or whatever ot may be.



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23 Sep 2022, 1:12 pm

I'm one of those types who need time to answer. I wish that people would be more patient with me, especially my mum.


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23 Sep 2022, 4:41 pm

I'm more comfortable with some spaces in a conversation, but I feel like something's wrong if the spaces go on for minutes. On a good day I can keep up a rapid, friendly exchange as if I were strongly extrovert, but the longer it goes on, the more anxious I become that I might make a bad mistake. So these days I prefer not to do the extravert thing, and stick to something a bit cooler and more sedate. It's more sustainable.

I always feel a bit uncomfortable if I make a (social) remark and get no reply, but I've come to see that some remarks don't need replying to.



jared11235
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23 Sep 2022, 5:05 pm

Sometimes I'm a bit slow to respond. It can be that my internal filter is too high, especially around people that I haven't been around a lot. I get misunderstood a lot so I try to word my responses carefully at least until people have some time to understand me better. This takes time.

Also, it can be hard to know when it is my turn to talk. Don't be afraid to allow some silence in the conversation. Some people just keep talking and I'm not sure if they'll shut up for a few seconds for me to respond or not. I'm not that great at social interaction to begin with so if they want to just keep talking then it gets really easy for me to just let them.

One other thing is to not change to topic to quickly. If someone changes the topic of conversation then all the things I was just about to say become irrelevant and my process of formulating a coherent response has to start all over.



Gammeldans
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24 Sep 2022, 4:42 am

jared11235 wrote:
Sometimes I'm a bit slow to respond. It can be that my internal filter is too high, especially around people that I haven't been around a lot. I get misunderstood a lot so I try to word my responses carefully at least until people have some time to understand me better. This takes time.

Also, it can be hard to know when it is my turn to talk. Don't be afraid to allow some silence in the conversation. Some people just keep talking and I'm not sure if they'll shut up for a few seconds for me to respond or not. I'm not that great at social interaction to begin with so if they want to just keep talking then it gets really easy for me to just let them.

One other thing is to not change to topic to quickly. If someone changes the topic of conversation then all the things I was just about to say become irrelevant and my process of formulating a coherent response has to start all over.

My thinking is this: let's assumme you will attend a meeting and you have gotten information about the topic. This means that you can prepare for it.
Would it be easier then because of the preparation?
I've noticed that many people who are in such a meeting can still feel very uncomfortable talking.
So preparation isn't that helpful?
I am confused.

But what I can say is that the people who act like this can look like they actually not interested in talking at the meeting even if they agreed to attend it. It is like they say that they wanted to do something but then do not act like they want yo do it. I wish they would have said what they really wanted...but I am not sure they want to advocate for themselves. Perhaps it is too painfull?
They just let the other people guess what they need?



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24 Sep 2022, 9:16 am

I am probably one of those people you are talking about. My experience is that I could be seen weird if I talk, which makes me hesitate to talk. I am also very nervous around people and if I try to talk, my voice may sound very shaky, which I find very embarrassing. So, whether I like it or not, I am kind of unable to talk. Sometimes I'm so nervous when with people that I can't even hold a coffee cup without spilling the content. I think those people like me may be experiencing some kind of internal struggle that you cannot see externally.



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24 Sep 2022, 12:28 pm

In conversations I tend to be slow. Many times I will contribute to the conversation after it has moved on to another subject. Most extroverts jump from one topic to another rather quickly. I tend to look at the topic from many different angles and that take a little longer. As a result, the group has moved on by the time I am ready to add my thoughts. It is also somewhat difficult to determine when it is my turn to talk without interrupting someone. Conversations can be a problem. I prefer to write instead.

Also Aspies have some areas where we are experts. If you hit that area, we will talk up a storm for hours and hours and hours. And most people will want to leave and walk away.


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Gammeldans
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25 Sep 2022, 4:24 am

jimmy m wrote:
In conversations I tend to be slow. Many times I will contribute to the conversation after it has moved on to another subject. Most extroverts jump from one topic to another rather quickly. I tend to look at the topic from many different angles and that take a little longer. As a result, the group has moved on by the time I am ready to add my thoughts. It is also somewhat difficult to determine when it is my turn to talk without interrupting someone. Conversations can be a problem. I prefer to write instead.

Also Aspies have some areas where we are experts. If you hit that area, we will talk up a storm for hours and hours and hours. And most people will want to leave and walk away.

Why would wriring be easier? Do you tell people that writing is easier?
I find that people with certain needs actually don't want to mention it to other people.
Is it painful to say what you need even if it would be much better for the relationship?

This is why I mentioned that one sometimes have to guess what the other person needs. When we avoid mentioning what we need then the other person have to guess or analyse what we need.

temp1234 wrote:
I am probably one of those people you are talking about. My experience is that I could be seen weird if I talk, which makes me hesitate to talk. I am also very nervous around people and if I try to talk, my voice may sound very shaky, which I find very embarrassing. So, whether I like it or not, I am kind of unable to talk. Sometimes I'm so nervous when with people that I can't even hold a coffee cup without spilling the content. I think those people like me may be experiencing some kind of internal struggle that you cannot see externally.

What do you mean by internal struggle?