Feeling uninterested in going to an autism social club

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chris1989
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25 Sep 2022, 11:41 am

People close to me such as my family can only seem to get me to try places or groups set up by the Autistic Trust and organisations like that which end up making me feel like I don't fit in or feel like being treated like a child such as groups and clubs where other people with more severe learning difficulties than myself seem to mingle with.

Those places I mentioned seem like the only sort of social environments for people who ''don't go out much'' go to. I know that's not the case but it just seems like they are the only places people can recommend to me either that or volunteering. But even when I did volunteering there were not always many people to talk to sometimes there would only be one or two people. It made it seem less enjoyable. I also felt bad because I didn't even feel like wanting to get their numbers or emails to stay in touch with as though a part of me felt like I didn't want to have long-term friendships with them.

I can't understand why I feel this way even though here I am on a forum for people with autism. I may have mentioned in previous threads, I seem to find myself wanting to be around more people now who are NOT autistic because I can seem to see myself behaving and interacting in someway like a ''normal'' person. But I find myself now not meeting people like that because I won't often to places where people like that go and mingle such as a pub, a bar etc because I won't go in those places on my own and the only people I know who would come with me is maybe my mum, my dad etc and the few friends I have are not the ''going-out type'' as one or two of them have aspergers or autism like me but slightly more severe than me and find it hard to interact with people they don't know.



Joe90
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25 Sep 2022, 11:50 am

When I was 16 my mum got me into this club thing for teenagers with disabilities. Turned out to be a MENCAP place and it really wasn't for me. Nobody there was capable of making friends and the people I spoke to the most were the volunteers (who were NTs) but I don't think they were there to make friends, they were just there to help out. I knew that if any of the kids from school knew I went there they would literally laugh at me, so I didn't tell anyone. My mum was just trying to help me make friends but a MENCAP group really was the wrong place for a person like me. We both figured that out for ourselves and I soon stopped going.

I did manage to go away for a few days with them, but it wasn't pleasant. The volunteers that I had made friends with didn't come, and there were disabled kids from other areas that came, and I didn't know any of the volunteers that did come. Imagine that, being away somewhere with nobody you know at all. I hardly spoke a word the whole time I was there because I was so shy and frightened, and the only time I did speak was when I burst into tears and wanted to go home. That was when people (the volunteers) did speak to me and they tried to make me feel better. I think I was a little bit more relaxed after that but I was so glad to be home.


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Mona Pereth
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07 Oct 2022, 11:32 am

This is one reason why, instead of just generic social events for autistic people, I think it's probably better, in the long run, to create more-specialized groups, such as:

- Hobby-oriented so groups for autistic people interested in specific topics, fandoms, recreational activities, etc.

- Career-oriented groups for autistic people who work, or want to work, is specific categories of professions/occupations/jobs.

In such groups, attendees would have more in common than just being autistic.


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Nades
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07 Oct 2022, 12:12 pm

Despite probably being weird in my own way, I had the same feeling around autistic groups. Nothing wrong with the people but it was hard to find much in common with a fair few. Autism varies wildly in how it effects people so you never know what you're going to get in a group.



AnomalousAspergian
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12 Oct 2022, 12:32 pm

chris1989 wrote:
I can't understand why I feel this way even though here I am on a forum for people with autism. I may have mentioned in previous threads, I seem to find myself wanting to be around more people now who are NOT autistic because I can seem to see myself behaving and interacting in someway like a ''normal'' person.


It's quite amusing that you think this because I tend to encounter autistic people who act more like neurotypicals, mirroring all of the annoyingly loud social characteristics. Though maybe this is just part of their personality, which is of course distinct from their autism. On the other hand, maybe they are social masking and trying to pass off as "normal." Not that I am saying that you are doing that. Is there any reason you want to be around people that aren't autistic that you consider more "normal"? Could it be the media representation of being "normal" that you are attracted do in terms of your expectations on how non-autistic people are?



Edna3362
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13 Oct 2022, 6:49 pm

There's no such in my area.
But I would be interested even if it's just centered about NDs, and not necessarily exclusively about autistics.

The best I got for now instead are PWD groups.
And I had never seen another ND.
All members that are usually present are basically just NTs with disabilities, and a good portion of them weren't born disabled.

Yeah, I enjoy them whenever there are serious with agenda meetings are involved, or if there's an actual retreat that came with it.

All have their own lives already -- many of them do not need more friends.
The older ones usually have agendas -- and I'm one of those naive types they ought to influence because of my connections to some local offices. I do not like that.

Many have their cliches, and quarrels -- either between regional 'powers'.
Even between their disabilities because it's a disorganized mess that ended up not inclusive enough settings that excludes people who are particularly blind (more so if their assistant 'speaks' for them) deaf and mute (no translators) for the most part.

And I'm the only ND, who basically have non apparent disability, whose impairments are not as noticeable and is able-bodied.

So yeah. If being around NTs won't just do, being around disabled NTs might be closer but I'm still not satisfied.
So I'd be interested to know what would if be if it's based mainly around NDs who can at least communicate... Or/and based around autistics who also can AND not entirely dependent on their carers.


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