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CockneyRebel
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01 Oct 2022, 1:46 pm

KitLily wrote:
I would ask a question like that for the reasons people mention above:

1. To connect with people who may feel the same as me.
2. So I don't feel like I'm the only one in the world to have that problem/situation.
3. To find out if it's normal to have that problem/situation.
4. Maybe get some advice/tips on how to cope, even if there's no solution (which there generally isn't).
5. To take a break from the real world where people tend to say 'you have that problem? You're such a weirdo!' I would hope that people on Wrong Planet would be more sympathetic and open minded.


I was going to say those same things. I don't come here to just screw around.


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Joe90
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01 Oct 2022, 1:51 pm

It seems the OP thinks that you only post if you have a problem that you need solving.


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kraftiekortie
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01 Oct 2022, 2:20 pm

People say “I feel this way sometimes as well” as a way of assuring the person that they are “not alone.” It’s a matter of identifying with another person. I see nothing wrong in this.

It might not “solve the problem”— but it just might make a person feel better that other people could relate to them.

I am aware that other people here have expressed this sentiment. I am concurring with them.

Many times, I come here to have fun. WrongPlanet does not have to be serious 100% of the time. With all that is going on in the world, a little levity is always good.



PhosphorusDecree
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01 Oct 2022, 2:32 pm

Many autism-related problems are not really "solvable" so much as something you have to learn to live with. I do find it genuinely reassuring to find that I'm not the only person to have a particular problem, there are other people who "get" how this feels. Gives some perspective, too - somehow it decreases the shame or despair I feel, as I don't judge other people as harshly as I do myself.

Also, if you ask for solutions on this forum, people have a habit of pushing nonsensical half-baked "solutions" on you and then getting really offended if you don't acknowledge that they have magically fixed your life.


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01 Oct 2022, 11:30 pm

Yes I too tend to feel better for knowing that somebody else can relate to my feelings about things. I'm so used to it being that way that I was surprised the OP was puzzled about why people ask if others had the same experience on whatever issue it is.

I don't quite know how to explain why it's so. Maybe it's the fact that sharing is an important part of human relations. Of course if a person is asocial, it won't make any sense.



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02 Oct 2022, 3:18 am

I think it's just a question that people add to the post when they only talk about themselves in the post and don't want the post to look that way. It's a way of rounding up an OP to encourage other people to respond to it.



Gammeldans
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02 Oct 2022, 3:29 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
People say “I feel this way sometimes as well” as a way of assuring the person that they are “not alone.” It’s a matter of identifying with another person. I see nothing wrong in this.

It might not “solve the problem”— but it just might make a person feel better that other people could relate to them.

I am aware that other people here have expressed this sentiment. I am concurring with them.

Many times, I come here to have fun. WrongPlanet does not have to be serious 100% of the time. With all that is going on in the world, a little levity is always good.

Thanks for mentioning the thing about bring serious.
I guess it is easy to think that when starting threads about ASD you have to be what you call serious. But the question "do you also experince?" Is very interesting because of one thing.
When you start a thread asking this question it sounds like you are saying that a certain experince you have is due to ASD. I'm not sure all the threads focus on specific autism related subjects...but I am not complaining at all. I have told you my thoughts on it.


There are thread about medication. My first reaction was "is this even on ASD topic?".
I can honestly tell you that I was in a ASD discussion group many years ago and some people started talking about ADHD. That's not ASD to me.
There are of course people who have both diagnoses and so it is difficult to not mention it but it is always difficult to know what a discussion or forum about is all about.



Gammeldans
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02 Oct 2022, 3:31 am

PhosphorusDecree wrote:
Many autism-related problems are not really "solvable" so much as something you have to learn to live with. I do find it genuinely reassuring to find that I'm not the only person to have a particular problem, there are other people who "get" how this feels. Gives some perspective, too - somehow it decreases the shame or despair I feel, as I don't judge other people as harshly as I do myself.

Also, if you ask for solutions on this forum, people have a habit of pushing nonsensical half-baked "solutions" on you and then getting really offended if you don't acknowledge that they have magically fixed your life.

I think this forum focuses more on acceotance rather than solutions. Am I correct?



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02 Oct 2022, 5:51 am

Quote:
Also, if you ask for solutions on this forum, people have a habit of pushing nonsensical half-baked "solutions" on you and then getting really offended if you don't acknowledge that they have magically fixed your life.


This is true. I very seldom give advice. I just listen and sympathise. Advice can drive me crazy, but advice isn't a bad thing because it's always done with the best of intentions. But even so.


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Last edited by magz on 02 Oct 2022, 7:18 am, edited 1 time in total.

kraftiekortie
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02 Oct 2022, 5:55 am

There are times when people are frustrated, and they seek to vent their frustration. Sometimes, this manifests in finding fault in people who are trying to offer solutions.

Many times, there are no immediate solutions to a dilemma. Many times, certain steps should be taken which would help to obtain a solution. People tend to be impatient, wanting a solution NOW—hence the frustration, hence the lashing out.

I agree that WP is more about acceptance, than about solutions, per se. This shouldn’t prevent the attempt at solutions, though.



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02 Oct 2022, 5:59 am

It depends on what the situation is. Some situations are appropriately suited for advice, others not so much. Often when I'm venting I'm looking for reassurance more than anything else. Reassurance from other people is usually the cure for most of my panic attacks, even if it's sugarcoated a little. It's still what I'm crying for. It doesn't work when I reassure myself, I need reassurance from other people.
It's probably highly illogical to seek reassurance all the time but that's just the way I am.


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babybird
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02 Oct 2022, 6:24 am

But anyway op, yes people sometimes want acceptance rather than advice.


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Last edited by babybird on 02 Oct 2022, 7:26 am, edited 1 time in total.

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02 Oct 2022, 6:38 am

Anyway, OP, some people just need to rant to let it out of their system, and to feel validated.


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Joe90
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02 Oct 2022, 6:41 am

I was just agreeing with what PhosphorusDecree said.


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02 Oct 2022, 6:50 am

Gammeldans wrote:
I have noticed that many people on this forum start threads asking things like "do you also experience this?".
I've seen this question in many discussions (both here and irl).

It seems that many people don't want to solve the problems/issues but rather just know that another person also have a similar problem.

I guess some people have given up on solvig the problems but I'm not sure that's the only reason for that question.

How is knowing that someone else have a similar problem/issue helpful for you?

Personally I think knowing that someone have a similar problem can be a first step in solving the it...or maybe we are talking about ACT in which you cannot solve the issue or problem, ie. it won't go away.


The reason I ask this question is because if I don't ask anything and just rant then its like how can people respond if no question is asked?

But I guess it goes back to your point. Because if I were to ask "what can I do to improve this situation", then "this" would be the question, and I won't need any other question. So the reason that I have to think of a different kidn of question, such as "did anyone else experience it" is because I am not asking "what can I do".

And yes, good point. I should be asking "what can I do". Part of what makes me give up is my age. But still let me ask it anyway. I wasted best years of my life because I weren't taking care of my appearance. I don't want to just give up on it and I want some people to overlook my age so that I can re-do the best years of my life, as I learn to take care of my appearance. What can I do?



KitLily
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02 Oct 2022, 7:02 am

Gammeldans wrote:
KitLily wrote:
I would ask a question like that for the reasons people mention above:

1. To connect with people who may feel the same as me.
2. So I don't feel like I'm the only one in the world to have that problem/situation.
3. To find out if it's normal to have that problem/situation.
4. Maybe get some advice/tips on how to cope, even if there's no solution (which there generally isn't).
5. To take a break from the real world where people tend to say 'you have that problem? You're such a weirdo!' I would hope that people on Wrong Planet would be more sympathetic and open minded.


5 seems very good! 8)
It is easy for anyone to focus on having problems.


Can you explain what you mean by your second sentence? :)


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