autistic gals vs autistic guys

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SkinnyElephant
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02 Oct 2022, 2:16 pm

MaxE wrote:
AprilR wrote:
I live in a society where violence against women is very common. Just yesterday a random guy at a bus stop asked for my social media. It was scary, but now that i think of it he might have low social skills and have no intention of harming me. But i have no way of knowing that, especially since i have loe social skills myself.

What i mean is, women have no way of knowing whether someone is a stalker/abuser or just have poor social skills/have trouble with Boundaries.
So we have to be careful and not take risks.

If by society you mean Western society in general, it seems to me this has only become a thing in recent decades. I don't remember it from when I was young. Back then, some young women went hitchhiking solo, and even had sex with their rides if they were attracted, then boasted about it to their friends. For some reason straight sex has gotten ugly in the 21st Century.


It really is interesting. In the past 2 generations, western society has become more accepting of casual sex. Yet at the same time, western society has started pushing the "all men are potential rapists" mantra.



klanka
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02 Oct 2022, 6:16 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
This isn't specific to love and dating, but here's a thread which explains how I feel about autistic men's mental health.

viewtopic.php?f=3&t=398728#p8827465

There's also this:

viewtopic.php?f=35&t=401564&hilit=men%27s+mental+health#p8903977


the first one was a great thread , i missed it as i joined later.
second one is also appreciated,



MaxE
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02 Oct 2022, 7:00 pm

SkinnyElephant wrote:
It really is interesting. In the past 2 generations, western society has become more accepting of casual sex. Yet at the same time, western society has started pushing the "all men are potential rapists" mantra.

This is debatable. It seems a lot of people are hooking up in various ways but at the same time, women are shamed for doing it. One consequence may be that women who fear being shamed feel more threatened by the possibility that there are men who expect them to be receptive to hooking up. In such cases, even a dude who just wants to meet a woman, basically because he wants to meet a woman, not just to take advantage of her for free sex, will be viewed as a predator.


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kmb501
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02 Oct 2022, 7:35 pm

SkinnyElephant wrote:
kmb501 wrote:
That's news to me. I thought we'd be more sympathetic to autistic guys because we're all, you know, autistic. Plus, we've got that "male brain" thing going for us, or the idea that most autistic women's brains function like the brains of non-autistic guys. I agree that I don't like people who hurt others because of what they can't get from them, but I doubt autistic people, of any gender, fall into that category.


Non-autistic men often belittle us too (for our struggles with the ladies). If an autistic woman is wired like a neurotypical guy, it's still quite possible she could fall into the trap of belittling us (not saying you're a belittler).


It's true that I'm somewhat attracted to my opposite. Since I'm an autist, (or really I prefer aspie, I know it's got some bad history behind it, but that certainly wasn't the autistic people who were experimented on's fault), I look for people who are good with people but still capable of seeing things from a low emotional perspective. I imagine that's someone who behaves a bit like a sociopath. For me, though, it's not "good girls like bad boys;" it's just searching for my opposite, because they're probably someone who can make up for what I don't have.

I think even though I'm attracted to the other kinds of men on paper, though, an aspie guy would also be a good choice. I feel like I understand a lot of the quirks that come along with this disorder, so I wouldn't be quick to judge as long as communication remained open. Plus, we could always bond over the shared condition of being grossly misunderstood by the rest of the world. The only times I can see us clashing is if our special interests differ or if we have triggers that are each other's well-worn habits.



MaxE
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02 Oct 2022, 8:53 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
This isn't specific to love and dating, but here's a thread which explains how I feel about autistic men's mental health.

viewtopic.php?f=3&t=398728#p8827465

There's also this:

viewtopic.php?f=35&t=401564&hilit=men%27s+mental+health#p8903977

I posted in the first thread.


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SkinnyElephant
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02 Oct 2022, 9:09 pm

MaxE wrote:
SkinnyElephant wrote:
It really is interesting. In the past 2 generations, western society has become more accepting of casual sex. Yet at the same time, western society has started pushing the "all men are potential rapists" mantra.

This is debatable. It seems a lot of people are hooking up in various ways but at the same time, women are shamed for doing it. One consequence may be that women who fear being shamed feel more threatened by the possibility that there are men who expect them to be receptive to hooking up. In such cases, even a dude who just wants to meet a woman, basically because he wants to meet a woman, not just to take advantage of her for free sex, will be viewed as a predator.


I know there remains some degree of stigma when it comes to hookups. However, in my great-grandparents' day, hookups were totally taboo.



MaxE
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03 Oct 2022, 5:15 am

SkinnyElephant wrote:
I know there remains some degree of stigma when it comes to hookups. However, in my great-grandparents' day, hookups were totally taboo.

They did happen, they were called assignations.


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03 Oct 2022, 6:07 am

In general autistic men find it hard to date than autistic women, but autistic women find it harder to make friends than autistic men.

This does not apply to everybody on the spectrum but it does seem quite common.


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Minervx_2
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03 Oct 2022, 8:06 am

Quote:
Branding us as "creeps" for our social blunders


Depends on the situation. Your post lacks context. It could just be a misunderstanding or miscommunication. But it could also be a case that they said/did something inappropriate or that made them uncomfortable.

Quote:
I'd expect autistic gals would have more sympathy for autistic guys.


It ultimately come down to attraction. I don't just mean looks, but also having compatible personality and both having a comfortable energy around each other.

The onus isn't on other people to lower their standards for you. It's on you to meet more people until you find ones that love you for who you are.



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03 Oct 2022, 8:50 am

Every bisexual woman I have personally knew told me that dating men is generally easier than dating women.


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SkinnyElephant
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03 Oct 2022, 2:03 pm

Joe90 wrote:
In general autistic men find it hard to date than autistic women, but autistic women find it harder to make friends than autistic men.

This does not apply to everybody on the spectrum but it does seem quite common.


I totally believe autistic men have a harder time dating. I'm surprised to find out autistic men have an easier time making friends though (not saying you're wrong).

Men in general are less social creatures. Even a lot of neurotypical men don't have friends once they lose touch with past classmates.



SkinnyElephant
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03 Oct 2022, 2:05 pm

Minervx_2 wrote:
Quote:
Branding us as "creeps" for our social blunders


Depends on the situation. Your post lacks context. It could just be a misunderstanding or miscommunication. But it could also be a case that they said/did something inappropriate or that made them uncomfortable.

Quote:
I'd expect autistic gals would have more sympathy for autistic guys.


It ultimately come down to attraction. I don't just mean looks, but also having compatible personality and both having a comfortable energy around each other.

The onus isn't on other people to lower their standards for you. It's on you to meet more people until you find ones that love you for who you are.


I'm not saying anyone (even autistic gals) should lower their standards for me. All I'm saying is I'd expect more understanding/sympathy from autistic gals (as they know what it's like to be autistic)



magz
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03 Oct 2022, 2:15 pm

Understanding and sympathy are a different thing than attraction and, well, availability.

I learned the hard way that sometimes it's safer not to show sympathy to lonely guys - they too often misinterpret it and there are only more hearts broken.
Sorry.


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klanka
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03 Oct 2022, 2:25 pm

magz wrote:
Understanding and sympathy are a different thing than attraction and, well, availability.

I learned the hard way that sometimes it's safer not to show sympathy to lonely guys - they too often misinterpret it and there are only more hearts broken.
Sorry.

yeah i agree



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03 Oct 2022, 2:30 pm

SkinnyElephant wrote:
Joe90 wrote:
In general autistic men find it hard to date than autistic women, but autistic women find it harder to make friends than autistic men.

This does not apply to everybody on the spectrum but it does seem quite common.


I totally believe autistic men have a harder time dating. I'm surprised to find out autistic men have an easier time making friends though (not saying you're wrong).

Men in general are less social creatures. Even a lot of neurotypical men don't have friends once they lose touch with past classmates.


It just seems that way. The Aspie men I know can't seem to get dates but seem to do normal social activities with their NT peers. Maybe because it's more common or acceptable for guys to have narrow interests, while society expects girls to have more shared interests and it can be hard to find others with the same interests as me.
There's a guy at work who I think is on the spectrum and he has a special interest with buses and trains. But he seems to have a ton of friends, because a lot of other people he works with like buses and trains because it's related to the job they do, although they aren't as obsessed as he is they still seem to bond with him and invite him out for drinks and other social activities.
Me, I don't have any special interests but I'm into writing, but I don't know anyone else who is into writing.


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Mitchell M.
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03 Oct 2022, 5:16 pm

AprilR wrote:
I live in a society where violence against women is very common. Just yesterday a random guy at a bus stop asked for my social media. It was scary, but now that i think of it he might have low social skills and have no intention of harming me. But i have no way of knowing that, especially since i have loe social skills myself.

What i mean is, women have no way of knowing whether someone is a stalker/abuser or just have poor social skills/have trouble with Boundaries.
So we have to be careful and not take risks.


Yeah I agree with you. Might sound weird cause I'm a guy, but I argue that anyone who is the "bottom" who is fairly attractive gets this kind of harassment on some level. I posted some NSFW pics of myself on discord servers and since Im skilled with photography they looked fairly professional. I had SO MANY guys literally begging me for online sexual favors and stuff. Its weird cause I understand both sides, but being treated like an object will make many women non sympathetic towards male struggles (not you, in general). Harassment sucks.