Wrong Place at the Wrong Time/Unfairly accused

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Sea Gull
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22 Aug 2017, 3:37 am

My apologies for what follows. I know this is a serious topic, and one where people have genuinely suffered through being blamed unjustly for things they didn't do. And please don't let my comment deflect from the purpose of this thread. However, being somewhat obsessive about these things, I cannot resist saying the following...

The phrase "being in the wrong place at the wrong time" has always been a bit of a puzzle to me. More often than not, it seems to me that what is really the case is that the person was in the wrong place at the right time, or else in the right place at the wrong time. The double whammy of being in the wrong place at the wrong time may, I suppose, sometimes happen too, but maybe less often than one, but not both, of the time and the place being wrong?

Actually, I guess the question of how one defines a right or a wrong place, and a right or a wrong time, is not always altogether clear.

Anyway, my apologies for that interruption, and now back to the scheduled programme...



IstominFan
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22 Aug 2017, 9:32 am

In my case, I have to be careful about not leaving important things undone. Many times, I have heard "You didn't..." This was far more common for me than being accused of doing something I didn't do. On the rare occasions when I truly did something wrong, it was too obvious to ignore.



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22 Aug 2017, 9:43 am

There have been a number of incidents where I was unfairly accused:

*I was stopped and falsely ticketed by police for something I didn't do. Twice. In the same day. At the same spot. I assumed going to court and showing my evidence would make everyone see the light and apologize for the mistake. Nope. The prosecutor acted like I was a horrible criminal and twisted my words into something I never said. In the end, the cop lied his ass off, the prosecutor has nothing short of a bully and the judge just looked at me and said "I don't believe a word you say. You clearly have no interest in the truth." He didn't even ask me if I need time to pay like everyone else and treated me like I was a horrible person even though my record (was) squeaky clean: I didn't even have a parking ticket! As an even bigger middle finger, I have to go back in the winter to answer to the other charge. It's going to be hard to keep my temper in check this time after how horribly I was treated. I honestly believe if I were to go to court with a video that proves the cop is a liar I would still be convicted.

*I was also previously falsely accused of going 25 over the speed limit when I was actually going 5 under. Three cops pulled me over for that one and to this day have no idea why they were so heavy handed. Luckily I got a 'warning' and told to watch my 'reckless' driving.

*I was also unfairly accused in school of beating another kid when HE attacked ME and I was the one covered in bruises. I literally did nothing except push him away and I got in trouble. This cycle happened repeatedly until the moved on to bigger fish (i.e. rival gangs). God forbid I ever get accused of murder!

*I was falsely accused of being a rat in school for turning in troublemakers who vandalized a washroom. I was so pissed off at the school at the time I would have gladly helped vandalize it if I could get away with it! Got another nice beating for that one.

*Someone at work falsely used my number to give away $900 worth of product for about 85% off the price. Nobody would listen to me that it was obviously not me: I didn't know a thing about the product in question and would never sell it, let alone at such a ridiculously low quoted price.

*I was a season ticket holder at my local hockey team for many years. Most of the staff treated me well but there was this older guy who practically tackled me, scanned my ticket again (obviously it said it was already scanned since he literally scanned it 10 seconds prior) and he then said to me point blank "I know you are sneaking into games: one day I will catch you." I was literally speechless. I have NEVER taken anything without paying!

* Even though it's rare, I have been told by younger women that I look like a serial killer or pedophile. I'm especially puzzled at the former because by definition, serial killers look normal in every way: that's why they are able to get away with 3+ murders.

On a more positive note, I was accused by someone of being violent with my then girlfriend, probably because of her nonstop yelling and screaming in the apartment building. The two young cops were very polite and respectful and believed my story and they went on their way. I later told a police friend and he told me that about 80% of those calls result in arrest.

Without sounding too controversial, I sometimes wonder why this is the reason I have always gotten along great with people from Africa or with African heritage. I was warned in school (moving from an area where black kids didn't exist) to stay away from them. While they were generally more often troublemakers than not, it's rather ironic that it's the only demographic that has never bullied me.

For the record, to this day not once has anyone ever apologized for falsely accusing me or treating me unfairly.



kraftiekortie
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22 Aug 2017, 9:44 am

^^^ This sort of happened with that cop and that red light (or was it a stop sign?)



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22 Aug 2017, 9:50 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
^^^ This sort of happened with that cop and that red light (or was it a stop sign?)

Correct. It was a stop sign next to my house. The one I am VERY aware of and know how dangerous that intersection is. The one I am 100% sure I stopped for. It still pisses me off daily even though it happen in March.



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22 Aug 2017, 11:48 pm

GiantHockeyFan wrote:
There have been a number of incidents where I was unfairly accused:

*I was stopped and falsely ticketed by police for something I didn't do. Twice. In the same day. At the same spot. I assumed going to court and showing my evidence would make everyone see the light and apologize for the mistake. Nope. The prosecutor acted like I was a horrible criminal and twisted my words into something I never said. In the end, the cop lied his ass off, the prosecutor has nothing short of a bully and the judge just looked at me and said "I don't believe a word you say. You clearly have no interest in the truth." He didn't even ask me if I need time to pay like everyone else and treated me like I was a horrible person even though my record (was) squeaky clean: I didn't even have a parking ticket! As an even bigger middle finger, I have to go back in the winter to answer to the other charge. It's going to be hard to keep my temper in check this time after how horribly I was treated. I honestly believe if I were to go to court with a video that proves the cop is a liar I would still be convicted.

*I was also previously falsely accused of going 25 over the speed limit when I was actually going 5 under. Three cops pulled me over for that one and to this day have no idea why they were so heavy handed. Luckily I got a 'warning' and told to watch my 'reckless' driving.

*I was also unfairly accused in school of beating another kid when HE attacked ME and I was the one covered in bruises. I literally did nothing except push him away and I got in trouble. This cycle happened repeatedly until the moved on to bigger fish (i.e. rival gangs). God forbid I ever get accused of murder!

*I was falsely accused of being a rat in school for turning in troublemakers who vandalized a washroom. I was so pissed off at the school at the time I would have gladly helped vandalize it if I could get away with it! Got another nice beating for that one.

*Someone at work falsely used my number to give away $900 worth of product for about 85% off the price. Nobody would listen to me that it was obviously not me: I didn't know a thing about the product in question and would never sell it, let alone at such a ridiculously low quoted price.

*I was a season ticket holder at my local hockey team for many years. Most of the staff treated me well but there was this older guy who practically tackled me, scanned my ticket again (obviously it said it was already scanned since he literally scanned it 10 seconds prior) and he then said to me point blank "I know you are sneaking into games: one day I will catch you." I was literally speechless. I have NEVER taken anything without paying!

* Even though it's rare, I have been told by younger women that I look like a serial killer or pedophile. I'm especially puzzled at the former because by definition, serial killers look normal in every way: that's why they are able to get away with 3+ murders.

On a more positive note, I was accused by someone of being violent with my then girlfriend, probably because of her nonstop yelling and screaming in the apartment building. The two young cops were very polite and respectful and believed my story and they went on their way. I later told a police friend and he told me that about 80% of those calls result in arrest.

Without sounding too controversial, I sometimes wonder why this is the reason I have always gotten along great with people from Africa or with African heritage. I was warned in school (moving from an area where black kids didn't exist) to stay away from them. While they were generally more often troublemakers than not, it's rather ironic that it's the only demographic that has never bullied me.

For the record, to this day not once has anyone ever apologized for falsely accusing me or treating me unfairly.



Wow, you have had it worse than me. Now I feel like a whiner. :lol:


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23 Aug 2017, 3:30 am

I've had it all my life. The most astounding one was when i was 14 and nearly went to jail for £1.8 million worth of damage some kids did setting fire to a factory, about 40 local kids knew it wasn't me. I was charged and about to go to court when one of the dickheads who did its brother told the truth.

I've had worse tbh but that one always sticks in my mind because of the amount of people who knew the truth but said nothing.

Now i pretty much record everything that involves people who have power over my life, they will throw you under the bus to save their jobs without a second thought, YOU are disposable to these people.



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23 Aug 2017, 6:44 am

League_Girl wrote:
Wow, you have had it worse than me. Now I feel like a whiner. :lol:

Not at all. I know a former neighborhood kid's father who when he was a young father (and dirt poor), there was a family dispute. A 9-12 year old girl falsely accused him of molesting her. He was arrested at work and charged. Long story short the girl soon admitted she made it all up as revenge on the request of her parents.

My family was one of the few people who never ostracized him and he still lives in poverty. He is the most generous, sweetest, kindest man I have ever known and clearly has Aspie traits like being completely, utterly obsessed with a specific activity (probably why I got along better with him than his 3 children.) This event happened about 25 years ago and he still lives in a run down house taking care of his severely disabled wife.

Why didn't he take that family to the cleaners you ask? He was too poor to afford a lawyer to sue them and got nothing out of the deal except a false "conviction" in the public eye. My mother remains close friends with them to this day even living thousands of kms away. These are the kind of working poor people who never make the evening news.

What I experienced no doubt sucked but at least I never ended up like this poor guy. Still, it doesn't make it okay nor is it any less infuriating what happened to you or any other Aspies.



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23 Aug 2017, 7:06 am

A lot of this happened to me as a previous poster suggested when I was at school and did not recognise the signs.
Eventually I decided not to accept injustice and just refused to engage with the process which left the "authority" dumbfounded - wouldn't work today in most education systems though



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23 Aug 2017, 3:04 pm

League_Girl wrote:
SaveFerris wrote:
shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
Yes for over five years I have gotten paranoid someone will honestly mistake me for a criminal or frame me up for a crime.

The judge and jury might notice I used the nonverbal communication that looked like a guilty NT instead of a not guilty AS. Because I am usually nervous and express emotions in a weird way

Talked about it with a counselor. Counselor told me that the court has a psychologist that handles that kind of event

In any event though I still have a copy of the Autism diagnosis report. If the court wants to see it


I always feel I look guilty if someone accuses me of something I didn't do but seeing as I haven't been diagnosed it might be some other issue going on.



If you are ever accused, remain calm and provide them proof you are innocent and that will show them you are innocent or why else would you be volunteering to have them pat you down or look in your bags and stuff or even show them your empty pockets? But if officers show up asking to search your car or house, ask if they have a warrant and if not, don't let them because they could just plant something in your car or home to frame you and the law allows you to deny them access to search your home or car but this is for the US. I am aware you live in the UK so I don't know what your rights are there when it comes to needing to search your home or car for evidence.

_________________________________________

Some dude at Safeway had the nerve to tell me that "I have caught you stealing before". And I answered "no you didn't". And he had the nerve to tell me "yes".

And then I wrote about it on LiveJournal. And I felt like I was as calm during the accusation as I am usually. Which means not too calm. And someone (presumably NT) told me she would have been "floored". So maybe I looked too apathetic for the accuser to believe me

"Provide them proof you are innocent"? :D

In the united States the law is innocent til proven guilty.

How could I have :oops: proven 8O he never caught me stealing?

Could I have videotaped my entire lifetime, and showed it to him or the manager?

Sometimes I get paranoid and feel inclined to videotape everything

But in some situations it is illegal to take a videotape. And illegally taken videotapes are not admissible in court anyways



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23 Aug 2017, 3:32 pm

GiantHockeyFan wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
Wow, you have had it worse than me. Now I feel like a whiner. :lol:

Not at all. I know a former neighborhood kid's father who when he was a young father (and dirt poor), there was a family dispute. A 9-12 year old girl falsely accused him of molesting her. He was arrested at work and charged. Long story short the girl soon admitted she made it all up as revenge on the request of her parents.

My family was one of the few people who never ostracized him and he still lives in poverty. He is the most generous, sweetest, kindest man I have ever known and clearly has Aspie traits like being completely, utterly obsessed with a specific activity (probably why I got along better with him than his 3 children.) This event happened about 25 years ago and he still lives in a run down house taking care of his severely disabled wife.

Why didn't he take that family to the cleaners you ask? He was too poor to afford a lawyer to sue them and got nothing out of the deal except a false "conviction" in the public eye. My mother remains close friends with them to this day even living thousands of kms away. These are the kind of working poor people who never make the evening news.

What I experienced no doubt sucked but at least I never ended up like this poor guy. Still, it doesn't make it okay nor is it any less infuriating what happened to you or any other Aspies.



There are always people out there who have had it worse.


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23 Aug 2017, 3:38 pm

I thought of another time when I was seven, I was playing on the computer and the rule was to turn it off when you are done using it. I got finished playing it because we were going to bake something so I turned the computer off and my little brother was playing with his toy car that would make noise because it was a ambulance and you had to press down on it to make it go off. My mom kept telling me to turn off the computer and I kept saying it is off. She kept telling me again to turn it off and even started to give me warnings. I thought my mom was being silly so I didn't take what she said seriously. Then finally she told me "Okay no computer for you for three days" and I still didn't get it because the computer was off so I thought she was being goofy. then finally my mom said 'Oh it's that car your brother is playing with, I am so sorry I thought you didn't turn the computer off." I was totally puzzled why she thought that sound came from the computer but at least she apologized. :D


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23 Aug 2017, 4:42 pm

League_Girl wrote:
I thought of another time when I was seven, I was playing on the computer and the rule was to turn it off when you are done using it. I got finished playing it because we were going to bake something so I turned the computer off and my little brother was playing with his toy car that would make noise because it was a ambulance and you had to press down on it to make it go off. My mom kept telling me to turn off the computer and I kept saying it is off. She kept telling me again to turn it off and even started to give me warnings. I thought my mom was being silly so I didn't take what she said seriously. Then finally she told me "Okay no computer for you for three days" and I still didn't get it because the computer was off so I thought she was being goofy. then finally my mom said 'Oh it's that car your brother is playing with, I am so sorry I thought you didn't turn the computer off." I was totally puzzled why she thought that sound came from the computer but at least she apologized. :D

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When I was in grammar school my precious lil "dad" accused me of drawing on the wall. My precious lil ""mom" told him my grandfather did it. No apology

In other words I was dependent on the voluntary testimony of a witness. But in some cases there is no witness. And the witness does not have to testify

And if nobody testified, then what punishment would ihave gotten?

When I was in high school my sister accused me of eating her French fries. My "mom" said my "mom" ate the French fries

Again no apology

When I said I did not eat the fries my sister did not believe me

What was I supposed to do, dust the toaster for fingerprints?
_________

Maybe it is just easier to accuse someone with AS because it's easier to be biased against them

:skull:

On the other hand whatever

NTs get wrongfully accused too



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24 Aug 2017, 9:15 am

My mom used to get in trouble all the time by her narcissistic sister because of her lies. She was also the golden child so my grandparents always believed her.


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shortfatbalduglyman
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24 Aug 2017, 10:33 am

League_Girl wrote:
My mom used to get in trouble all the time by her narcissistic sister because of her lies. She was also the golden child so my grandparents always believed her.

________________________________________

When I was twelve years old I wrongly accused someone of stealing something. An entire stampede of them (at least four) physically assaulted me at the bus stop. They did not injure me but they easily could have.

Now i am 34. Every day since then I feel regret, guilt, and shame.

At REI someone had the nerve to ask me if I was "stealing" on a previous occasions. And I answered no. He said "nevermind". That was over two months ago. And he still gets to work there.

The problem is that there is no one inherently correct punishment for each crime. The punishment Igor could have been justified if everyone that committed that crime got that punishment

But whatever

"Life" ain't fair

Sometimes "life" ain't even life

And life goes on

Some defendants got wrongfully convicted and sent to jail or exterminated

:twisted:

So whatever



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24 Aug 2017, 12:27 pm

When a completely illegal eviction over a misunderstanding turned into a home invasion, I called the Police. They were so helpful and honest that I fled to the boondocks, where I could afford to buy a house because of a declining population. I lost my business and friends.