Dating sites: Good? No good?

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SkinnyElephant
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09 Oct 2022, 9:24 am

Do you think dating sites are a good, or not-so-good, approach?

I know dating sites are somewhat controversial (and stigmatized, despite the fact online dating has been around for at least 20 years). Yet a lot of couples met on a dating site (and even ended up getting married). So, that makes me think dating sites can't be all bad.



kraftiekortie
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09 Oct 2022, 9:25 am

No good, usually.

Certainly don’t rely on them.



SkinnyElephant
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09 Oct 2022, 9:37 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
No good, usually.

Certainly don’t rely on them.


I will likely never use a dating site again. However, I have in the past. While I had a lot of failures on dating sites, I managed to meet girlfriends on dating sites too.

I am wondering where the idea that dating sites are bad came from (when so many people, including my socially awkward self, managed to succeed)



kraftiekortie
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09 Oct 2022, 9:41 am

Because they’re frustrating to men. And make them feel like they are worse than they actually are.

They’re more a “cattle call” than even “real life” dating.



SkinnyElephant
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09 Oct 2022, 9:49 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
Because they’re frustrating to men. And make them feel like they are worse than they actually are.

They’re more a “cattle call” than even “real life” dating.


Fair enough. Real life dating and online dating both have their pros and cons.

In my opinion, one pro of online dating (especially if you're on the spectrum): It's harder for the other party to pick up on social awkwardness when you're chatting on a computer screen.

Obviously when/if you meet up, your social awkwardness will come out. But at least you got to make your first impression online.



Ethan Rob
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09 Oct 2022, 8:29 pm

The good thing about online dating sites is that they are more convenient for people who have a busy daily life and don't have time to meet new people.

However, on the other hand, some websites are deceptive and not secure enough.



rse92
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10 Oct 2022, 9:10 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
Because they’re frustrating to men. And make them feel like they are worse than they actually are.

They’re more a “cattle call” than even “real life” dating.


Dating sites do not have to be frustrating for men. Just as in real life, men have to work harder than women. But if they work smart, they can succeed.

Many men (most) don't approach online dating intelligently and efficiently.

Have you ever used a dating site?



Minervx_2
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13 Oct 2022, 6:07 pm

SkinnyElephant wrote:
Do you think dating sites are a good, or not-so-good, approach?


Like with other forms of technology, they have their ups and downs. They have downsides and can be a frustrating. But there are also many success stories.

And you meet people on apps that you most likely would have never meet in real life. Online dating isn't a replacement for meeting real people in life; it's more of a supplement to do the on the side while you're already meeting people irl.



Minervx_2
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13 Oct 2022, 6:30 pm

rse92 wrote:
If men work smart, they can succeed.


This is true. The most important thing to do is make sure you have good quality photos.

Clear resolution - not blurry. Your face is clearly visible in each of the pictures. Balanced lighting. You're clearly visible, but not too much exposure. And have at least 1 full body pic that accurately shows your body.

Have pics of yourself outdoors and in different locations. Have a pic of yourself doing an activity. Don't just have selfies and pics of yourself at your house.

Avoid: photos that are 3+ years old, sunglasses/hats/masks obscuring your face, group photos where it's hard to tell who's who.



SkinnyElephant
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13 Oct 2022, 7:03 pm

Minervx_2 wrote:
rse92 wrote:
If men work smart, they can succeed.


This is true. The most important thing to do is make sure you have good quality photos.

Clear resolution - not blurry. Your face is clearly visible in each of the pictures. Balanced lighting. You're clearly visible, but not too much exposure. And have at least 1 full body pic that accurately shows your body.

Have pics of yourself outdoors and in different locations. Have a pic of yourself doing an activity. Don't just have selfies and pics of yourself at your house.

Avoid: photos that are 3+ years old, sunglasses/hats/masks obscuring your face, group photos where it's hard to tell who's who.


The last time I used a dating site, I had a picture of myself in sunglasses. For anonymity reasons. I'd be embarrassed if a neighbor/coworker saw my dating profile.

This woman was intrigued enough to reach out to me anyway. So then in my reply, I privately sent her a picture without sunglasses. I never heard back.



Sweetleaf
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13 Oct 2022, 7:28 pm

I met my boyfriend on a dating site, Okcupid I think it was. So, I think it is a possible way to meet people. That said it wasn't all good before I met him, other guys I met ended up being disappointing. Like didn't end up wanting anything serious and on my end I did feel rather led on by a couple of them. Though a couple others I think they just maybe weren't ready for a serious relationship.


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old_comedywriter
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13 Oct 2022, 7:48 pm

Zero success with Bumble, and OurTime is screwing up their user interface so badly it's useless. I was going to quit when I retired in 4 years, but moved up the timeline to next month with their disaster of a website.


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Minervx_2
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13 Oct 2022, 9:08 pm

SkinnyElephant wrote:
For anonymity reasons.


1) This is counterintuitive. The most important part of a dating profile pics is that they know what you look like.

2) Most people will just swipe left if they don't see clear pics of you. In a sea of so many options, people make decisions quickly and don't swipe right on a person they don't know what they look like. Also, if someone doesn't have a pic, people tend to assume the worst or that they're hiding something.

3) Even if someone in real life sees you on a dating profile, so what? There's nothing wrong with that. What bad consequences could happen.



SkinnyElephant
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13 Oct 2022, 9:36 pm

Minervx_2 wrote:
SkinnyElephant wrote:
For anonymity reasons.


1) This is counterintuitive. The most important part of a dating profile pics is that they know what you look like.

2) Most people will just swipe left if they don't see clear pics of you. In a sea of so many options, people make decisions quickly and don't swipe right on a person they don't know what they look like. Also, if someone doesn't have a pic, people tend to assume the worst or that they're hiding something.

3) Even if someone in real life sees you on a dating profile, so what? There's nothing wrong with that. What bad consequences could happen.


I will share a true story:

In my apartment building, I happened to overhear a receptionist and a security guard gossiping over the fact that the receptionist found the socially awkward janitor's profile on Bumble. The receptionist was showing the janitor's profile to the security guard. They were both chuckling.

It's not that I'm afraid I'd get fired if a coworker saw my profile. I merely don't want to get mocked by colleagues (like that janitor did).

On a side note, when I had sunglasses on in the picture, maybe it looked like I was married (and trying to find an affair). As you said, sunglasses are a sign you're potentially hiding something.



Lost_dragon
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14 Oct 2022, 2:28 pm

Your results may vary. Personally, no, they haven't worked for me. I think that one problem is that there's a significant crowd who aren't actually there to meet people. They're there to gain followers on their social media, viewership for their music or streaming channel, or therapy. It's not great being used like that and lengthy conversations that go on for a while but you never meet are typically a bad sign. Admittedly it would hurt when I'd felt like I'd built up a connection over several weeks and then I'd be blocked when I suggested meeting up. You don't want to ask to meet in your first message, but if you leave it too long then it's probably not going to happen. Also, I'd recommend inviting them to a video chat before trying to meet up. I've come to the conclusion that I may never meet anyone but I'm trying not to feel bitter about it.


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AutomatedStar
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14 Oct 2022, 3:42 pm

They are a good indicator of where you stand in the dating world. If you struggle to find someone attracted to you there, you'll struggle irl too. So yeah, I'd say they are a good addition. I never really humiliated myself in real life like men over a decade ago who were in my shoes would when they wanted to know if they have a shot or not. That's pretty much the only good thing about them I'd say