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BreathlessJade
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10 Oct 2022, 10:35 am

I think have forgotten how to express pain and even complain tactfully. I'm sort of retracting into myself because I. Terrified of saying things the wrong was as I often do. I wish I had maybe some guidance on what's appropriate to "complain about" and then there's the "thinking before you post". I've come to realise I need a lot of improvement. Am I too negative?? Do I complain too much?? Questions I've been asking myself, especially on forums. Its so freeing to vent but don't wanna over do it.



klanka
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10 Oct 2022, 1:28 pm

your posts dont come across as overly negative or complaining



IzzyVill
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10 Oct 2022, 4:34 pm

I've been asking myself the same thing.. i can't count the number of times I've written a reply or post just to delete it.



r00tb33r
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10 Oct 2022, 4:52 pm

Inability to express has kept me from making any progress with counseling/therapy. There is no point if I can't speak what's bothering me.


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ToughDiamond
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10 Oct 2022, 5:14 pm

I don't remember seeing your threads, but I would have thought that if anybody felt you were saying anything out of line, some of them would tell you.

I hardly create any original posts myself because when I have, they've got very few replies, so I got the impression that nobody was very interested in my subjects. I sometimes get quoted when I comment on other people's topics, though again not often enough to make me think my ideas are of much interest to most people here. Still, sometimes I seem to arouse a bit of interest, and I'm not really criticising those who seem to ignore me, it's just the way it is.

I did cause a bit of offense some years ago over a couple of opinions I expressed, which I wasn't happy about. I think it was mostly down to misunderstandings, and the fact that some issues are rather thorny, so I tend to be more careful about saying what I think on those issues, which seems a pity because it feels a bit like walking on eggshells. I don't get easily offended myself but it's clear some people do, so I tend to feel a bit unsure about posting my ideas sometimes, because I can't anticipate the chances of getting slated for it. Still, it hasn't happened for years, so I'm not saying people round here these days are particularly easy to offend.

Anyway, I don't mind people complaining about their experiences or expressing their pain here, though I'm rather economical with sentiment and I'm not good at doing this "I know how you feel" comforting thing because I often haven't experienced their problem myself, and for some reason I usually prefer to cut to the chase and help them find practical solutions to their problems, and I don't often know what to say if they just want to rant. But I don't sit in judgement on people who just want to whinge a bit. It's just that I'm not prone to doing that myself (in writing at least), so I can't see what they get out of sympathy unless it's accompanied by practical advice. Not that I'm saying your posts are just whinging or seeking sympathy, I can't remember noticing any particular pattern to your posts. I barely notice the names of people who post, to me it's just a human being who wants to say something and offer people the chance to help them.

I delete quite a lot of posts I've written out rather than send them - I often read it back to myself and just think "no it's too boring / incoherent / inaccurate / superfluous / long " or whatever. It depends on the mood I'm in.

I'd just check briefly for any obvious corkers and then "publish and be damned." From your post here you don't seem like you'd easily invite anybody's contempt, and even if you did, just chalk it up to experience. There are some much more blunt and annoying posters than you seem to be, but they don't seem to get into any trouble, and I wouldn't want them to.



BreathlessJade
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10 Oct 2022, 8:03 pm

klanka wrote:
your posts dont come across as overly negative or complaining

Thanks man!



BreathlessJade
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10 Oct 2022, 8:03 pm

IzzyVill wrote:
I've been asking myself the same thing.. i can't count the number of times I've written a reply or post just to delete it.

I know right! Luckily people on here a pretty gentle



BreathlessJade
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10 Oct 2022, 8:07 pm

ToughDiamond wrote:
I don't remember seeing your threads, but I would have thought that if anybody felt you were saying anything out of line, some of them would tell you.

I hardly create any original posts myself because when I have, they've got very few replies, so I got the impression that nobody was very interested in my subjects. I sometimes get quoted when I comment on other people's topics, though again not often enough to make me think my ideas are of much interest to most people here. Still, sometimes I seem to arouse a bit of interest, and I'm not really criticising those who seem to ignore me, it's just the way it is.

I did cause a bit of offense some years ago over a couple of opinions I expressed, which I wasn't happy about. I think it was mostly down to misunderstandings, and the fact that some issues are rather thorny, so I tend to be more careful about saying what I think on those issues, which seems a pity because it feels a bit like walking on eggshells. I don't get easily offended myself but it's clear some people do, so I tend to feel a bit unsure about posting my ideas sometimes, because I can't anticipate the chances of getting slated for it. Still, it hasn't happened for years, so I'm not saying people round here these days are particularly easy to offend.

Anyway, I don't mind people complaining about their experiences or expressing their pain here, though I'm rather economical with sentiment and I'm not good at doing this "I know how you feel" comforting thing because I often haven't experienced their problem myself, and for some reason I usually prefer to cut to the chase and help them find practical solutions to their problems, and I don't often know what to say if they just want to rant. But I don't sit in judgement on people who just want to whinge a bit. It's just that I'm not prone to doing that myself (in writing at least), so I can't see what they get out of sympathy unless it's accompanied by practical advice. Not that I'm saying your posts are just whinging or seeking sympathy, I can't remember noticing any particular pattern to your posts. I barely notice the names of people who post, to me it's just a human being who wants to say something and offer people the chance to help them.

I delete quite a lot of posts I've written out rather than send them - I often read it back to myself and just think "no it's too boring / incoherent / inaccurate / superfluous / long " or whatever. It depends on the mood I'm in.

I'd just check briefly for any obvious corkers and then "publish and be damned." From your post here you don't seem like you'd easily invite anybody's contempt, and even if you did, just chalk it up to experience. There are some much more blunt and annoying posters than you seem to be, but they don't seem to get into any trouble, and I wouldn't want them to.

Very wise advice. Thanks do much. Yeah I'm not used to saying things much less typing them so I'm really mindful from now on.



CockneyRebel
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10 Oct 2022, 8:11 pm

I always make an effort to be mindful when I post here.


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BreathlessJade
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12 Oct 2022, 11:51 pm

awesome feedback, guys thanks



skibum
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13 Oct 2022, 6:36 pm

BreathlessJade wrote:
I think have forgotten how to express pain and even complain tactfully. I'm sort of retracting into myself because I. Terrified of saying things the wrong was as I often do. I wish I had maybe some guidance on what's appropriate to "complain about" and then there's the "thinking before you post". I've come to realise I need a lot of improvement. Am I too negative?? Do I complain too much?? Questions I've been asking myself, especially on forums. Its so freeing to vent but don't wanna over do it.

Funny, I was thinking something very similar about myself just now. :heart:


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jimmy m
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13 Oct 2022, 7:06 pm

EVER BEEN IN THIS UNSURE PLACE?

Yes I have been there. About a year and a half ago, I suffered a massive stroke. I lost around 2 percent of my brain cells. But since the brain is wired in many series combinations, it resulted in a loss of around 20 percent of my brain.

I suffered two forms of aphasia. I lost my ability to read letters and I also lost my knowledge of all words.
The only part of my words that remained are the words stored on the right side of my brain in the form of music. That survived. But it is really very difficult when the only words you knew were words like
Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious from a song in the movie Mary Poppins.

But I fought my way back. Most people don't. Most people lose their ability to express themselves and spend the rest of their lives living in silence.


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