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BreathlessJade
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24 Oct 2022, 10:58 am

This is a hard one for me because I don't like people running my life, but I'm seeing more and more that daily decisions and future goals are so hard to both self-manage and maintain? If its following a work schedule, songwriting, gaming, eating, praying, and watching the Goonies I'm set! But organizing my future and deciding how to walk into it, I'm lost. All this time, I have struggled with the concept of being depressed. I think depression is a side effect of this frustrating thing, because very little emotion is connected, I'm not "sad" about it. I'm lost. Is that a spectrum thing?? It would actually be a relief to know I need support rather than me just being seen as "unmotivated". I want time be very successful, I think I need more direction and support than I'm getting now



himmellaufen
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24 Oct 2022, 11:09 am

autistic people have trouble imagining the future and planning for it. it's connected to imagination problems, they have trouble imagining future scenarios that differ from what they are used to.

when my ados assessor asked me about future plans and dreams, I answered "I have none" without hesitation



BreathlessJade
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24 Oct 2022, 11:21 am

himmellaufen wrote:
autistic people have trouble imagining the future and planning for it. it's connected to imagination problems, they have trouble imagining future scenarios that differ from what they are used to.

when my ados assessor asked me about future plans and dreams, I answered "I have none" without hesitation

I can't stand that question about "future plans"...it always leaves me fumbling for some tacky, made-up answer. I feel like the kid from "big"... A kid in a grown mans body. I also feral like Kevin from "home alone" just in time for Christmas :lol:



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24 Oct 2022, 5:13 pm

I don't know that I was inclined to make long-term plans. I just tried to move in the general direction of "better" and/or "more secure".

I have been lucky enough that it has worked reasonably well for me.


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ToughDiamond
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24 Oct 2022, 8:21 pm

I didn't make long-term plans either. Didn't know it was an ASD thing.

I've never had much liking for careerism, so work was just a matter of finding a job that wasn't too horrible. Getting qualifications at school was more like something that happened to me rather than any glorious 5-year plan. I didn't even know for ages that the standard career path was 'O' levels, 'A' levels, university degree, and lucrative job. I just did my best with the expectations they loaded me up with and ducked out of trying for university because the work was getting too hard. I had a vague idea that without any qualifications I'd have to do a crappy low paid job, but that's about all. A lot of it was about avoiding the wrath of my parents and teachers.

One reason I didn't want to plan out my future was that it seemed like it would take all the fun out of life if it was all set out in advance what I was to do. I didn't find it a challenge to my executive function to plan out my life because I never tried to plan it out in the first place. I never felt particularly lost or depressed about it. I just ignored the long-term future. I've heard of people getting depressed and frustrated from not taking the standard road of life, but I've always been content to take each day as it comes and take baby steps to improve my comfort and happiness in whatever way occurred to me.

I think the human race is generally quite poor at long-term forecasting of the future anyway. I've heard of people picking a university subject because there was a good demand for people qualified in that subject at the time, and then by the time they've got their degree the market has dried up.

So I take each day as it comes, which strangely enough is a bit of advice I've heard given to people who are depressed or anxious. Maybe that's why I've never been what could be called mentally ill. I've certainly had a lot of fun.



temp1234
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25 Oct 2022, 3:14 am

I have a decision making problem, too. Both big and small decisions. Big ones include career planning. I am studying something currently, but my bad habit is to keep wondering if that's what I really want to do. When I start doubting my decision, I feel very stressed. Small ones include which of the power banks, which backpack, which vegetables, which fruits etc to buy. What makes it really bad is that each of these fairly small decisions causes me so much stress. So much so, I often avoid making decisions and end up being forced to take the worst choice.

Sounds true that depression is the side effect of the inability to make decisions. Also, I sometimes wonder if the inability to make decisions is also a side effect of feeling depressed. When depressed, I cannot proactively think and take action. And very true that it can be seen as "unmotivated" though you are actually struggling. I'm currently reading a book on how to use the brain more effectively. Hopefully I will learn something from it.



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25 Oct 2022, 9:00 am

When faced with minor decisions I often favor "What has worked for me in the past?"

If I go to a familiar restaurant I know before I get into the car what I will order. And it will usually be the same thing time after time. Why not? I already know it's good! In some cases there might be a very short list of choices I choose from somewhere but it is still quick and known to be good. Perhaps depending upon time-of-day and how hungry I am.

When faced with minor decisions without prior experience it gets more complicated. Yes, I might think hard. Or, I might make a different fast decision, "It doesn't really matter." That decision allows me to just pick quickly without worrying about it. It saves time. But only if I make the effort to decide "It doesn't really matter."


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BreathlessJade
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25 Oct 2022, 9:46 am

temp1234 wrote:
I have a decision making problem, too. Both big and small decisions. Big ones include career planning. I am studying something currently, but my bad habit is to keep wondering if that's what I really want to do. When I start doubting my decision, I feel very stressed. Small ones include which of the power banks, which backpack, which vegetables, which fruits etc to buy. What makes it really bad is that each of these fairly small decisions causes me so much stress. So much so, I often avoid making decisions and end up being forced to take the worst choice.

Sounds true that depression is the side effect of the inability to make decisions. Also, I sometimes wonder if the inability to make decisions is also a side effect of feeling depressed. When depressed, I cannot proactively think and take action. And very true that it can be seen as "unmotivated" though you are actually struggling. I'm currently reading a book on how to use the brain more effectively. Hopefully I will learn something from it.

Great info thanks! Yeah I'm struggling, man



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25 Oct 2022, 10:59 am

Do not consider myself so good at decision making cause often my days were concerned with how to avoid threats to my safety . And subsequently depression followed but as I got into secondary school . And threats were less intense at times of the day , understood the concept of future . And necessary planning of sorts. Beyond the next hour or day . In order to be safe and hopefully secure .
And started to pay attention to things that might be handy for those plans. When in non threatening periods of time.
Picked up ability to look for patterns by default . So thought to try to expand those patterns into what might be
A safe future pattern for me. These plans did not ever seem to work for the very long term. So had to make do with what worked for me on a everyday basis . But some plans lasted for long periods of time before they disinigrated
Which if I tried very hard got me through long periods of life . Had learned that the computer industry was up and coming things, So took some local college classes on it but the classes had trouble keeping my interest . Worked in the field for two years. Kinda mind numbing to me . And at least one bad night hours job . Then the medical field for a few years , and realized that was not a thing I wanted to do . These were both fields that I had been told were good for long term choices . :| . But did not necessarily realize that coming from a heavy ptsd laden background. :roll: (But the medical field would be in demand for a long time,as well as the computer field.)
They were not necessarily the best choices for me, Even though had to go through some extensive training / schooling for both types of jobs / occupations . Then eventually operated a very small business that I fell into, :D that did not require lots of documentation and aligned with some things , I had learned from my father early on in life.
(And allowed me to have a great choice in days and times , I worked ). This helped tremendously :D , as my health
Was Not the best often. :( . Life lesson acquired from these things is that “all life and in life is a temporary thing” .
Was a very tough lesson to learn. :x . It is hard to make long term future Decisions,with that in mind. But it seems that is how the world likes to think . ( in terms of things being permanent) . Unless you are a building architect?
IMHO.


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Last edited by Jakki on 25 Oct 2022, 11:32 am, edited 3 times in total.

BreathlessJade
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25 Oct 2022, 11:13 am

Jakki wrote:
Do not consider myself so good at decision making cause often my days were concerned with how to avoid threats to my safety . And subsequently depression followed but as I got into secondary school . And threats were less immense at times of the day , understood the concept of future . And necessary planning of sorts. Beyond the next hour or day . In order to be safe and hopefully secure .
And started to pay attention to things that might be handy for those plans. When in non threatening periods of time.
Picked up ability to look for patterns by default . So thought to try to expand those patterns into what might be
A safe future pattern for me. These plans did not ever seem to work for the very long term. So had to make do with what worked for me on a everyday basis . But some plans lasted for long periods of time before they disinigrated
Which if I tried very hard got me through long periods of life . Had learned that the computer industry was up and coming things, So took some local college classes on it but the classes had trouble keeping my interest . Worked in the field for two years. Kinda mind numbing to me . And at least one bad night hours job . Then the medical field for a few years , and realized that was not a thing I wanted to do . These were both fields that I had been told were good for long term choices . :| . But did not necessarily realize that coming from a heavy ptsd laden background.
They were not necessarily best choices , Even though had to go through some extensive training / schooling for both types of jobs / occupations . Then eventually operated a very small business that I fell into, :D that did not require lots of documentation and aligned with some things , I had learned from my father early on in life.
And allowed me to have a great choice in days and times , I worked . This helped tremendously :D , as my health
Was Not the best often. :( . Life lesson acquired from these things is that “all life and in life is a temporary thing” .
Was a very tough lesson to learn. :x

Very helpful!



jared11235
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25 Oct 2022, 11:20 am

I am also really bad at planning out anything. After an initial rough patch, my career has been really good for the past 15 years or so but this is not from any planning at all on my part. I have always hated the question "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?". It just happened to be that my main special interest was with understanding computers and that lends itself to many career opportunities. I've somehow stumbled from one computer job to a better one repeatedly over the past many years to get where I'm at. This was not planning but rather a bunch of smaller decisions that I jumped on when they presented themselves. It's not a bad thing to let people help you out along the way. That doesn't mean they are trying to run your life, they are just trying to help and we all need help sometimes.

Even now, when managers at work ask me what I want to do with my career, I just tell them that the thing I want is just to have an endless supply of puzzles to solve on the computer. I've never had a manager seem disappointed at this answer. Not sure where this will lead me but fortunately it has been working so far.

As far as having a family, my inability to plan my future has gotten me literally nowhere. Still single and not sure what my plans are for that.



BreathlessJade
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25 Oct 2022, 1:40 pm

jared11235 wrote:
I am also really bad at planning out anything. After an initial rough patch, my career has been really good for the past 15 years or so but this is not from any planning at all on my part. I have always hated the question "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?". It just happened to be that my main special interest was with understanding computers and that lends itself to many career opportunities. I've somehow stumbled from one computer job to a better one repeatedly over the past many years to get where I'm at. This was not planning but rather a bunch of smaller decisions that I jumped on when they presented themselves. It's not a bad thing to let people help you out along the way. That doesn't mean they are trying to run your life, they are just trying to help and we all need help sometimes.

Even now, when managers at work ask me what I want to do with my career, I just tell them that the thing I want is just to have an endless supply of puzzles to solve on the computer. I've never had a manager seem disappointed at this answer. Not sure where this will lead me but fortunately it has been working so far.

As far as having a family, my inability to plan my future has gotten me literally nowhere. Still single and not sure what my plans are for that.

You seem very skilled and I'm glad you're thriving. I'm not too worried about help, but I have a bit of a "our way or no way" family and it can be a bit manipulative. So I guess I'm just paranoid.