Why is it hard to find love?

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IberoTarasco
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27 Oct 2022, 6:35 pm

So, I was in a relationship for 2 weeks, during the last holiday, we broke up for some stupid reasons, she also had aspergers. She was 31, & I was 22, well almost 11 months later, here I am still single, like there's these 2 girls from church, they are both 18, & I'm 23, anyways, I asked one of them if I can add them on Facebook, & she said sure, everytime I seen this chick both at church & college, she always smiles at me, well I sent her a friend request on FB, & she just uploaded a new profile picture on her FB, & the friend request is still pending, & I added her on two on her Instagram accounts, & her art account is public, so I completed one of her artworks, & she put a like to it, & but I tried adding her in her private Instagram account, & it looks like she declined it, then I talked to her half-sister at church, & she said that she's with this guy or this family, I know she was dating this guy for a while, but not sure if they broke up or not, then the other girl, I asked If I can add her on Instagram & Facebook, & she said yes, but I haven't waited a response from her yet either, then I talked to this girl at my guitar class, & I told her "we should hang out sometime" & she said "I'll see you around", which from my understanding, doesn't seem like a good sign, I tried hitting on a few girls at the Bars, still no luck, I wonder, why I'm having bad luck with girls, so I have aspergers & some mental health issues, I'm a bit overweight (246 pounds), I'm on SSI, I don't know how to drive, I smoke cigarettes & cannabis everyday, I drink occasionally, & I'm mixed-race (2/3 white & 1/3 Native American & 1/32 black), so why am I finding bad luck to find love, I been single for almost a year, & before I was in that brief relationship, I was single for like 6 years, I'm almost 24, & not that far from being 30, I'm not getting any younger, & I'm a little bit drunk right now.



kraftiekortie
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27 Oct 2022, 7:25 pm

You've had success before. You will have success again.

I understand the frustration----but at least you're making friends.

For your health, I would quit smoking, though.



Muse933277
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28 Oct 2022, 10:28 am

I think a lot of finding a relationship comes down to being at the right place, at the right time, and in the right circumstances.

For example, you could meet a great girl who has the same interests as you, the same values as you, and you two would be really compatible relationship wise. But she has a boyfriend... Or she's moving away soon for a job... Or she has zero interest in dating right now... Those are examples of the wrong time. Where's had you of met her a year prior when she was single, you might have had a shot with her.


What are some examples of wrong place or wrong circumstances? If you meet a girl on Tinder who instantly swipes left on you, or she ignores you because 100 other guys are trying to talk to her. If you took this same women and met her at a small group in real life instead, assuming you two are compatible, you would have a better shot with her.


So sometimes, it's not you, it simply is the wrong time or the wrong circumstances for why a relationship with a particular woman will not work out. There is a little bit of luck factor that plays into it as well.



nick007
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28 Oct 2022, 3:54 pm

I don't have any experience with bars but from what I've seen on this forum & other sites & listening to various people who frequent bars, a vast majority of us Aspie guys & lots NT guys tend to strike out at bars. Bars are not a good place for autistic guys to meet women. A lot of focus is on being charming & making good 1st impressions which is stuff us Aspie guys tend to majorly struggle with in general.

Depending on where you live, being on SSI & not driving could be majorly limiting you as well OP, especially if you are not gainfully employed nor in college IDK if you are or not. Some areas tend to have a very low opinion of people being on benefits like SSI & not working. Not being able to drive can be more limiting in areas that are kinda ruralish &/or don't have a good public transportation system. I don't know if that is what is limiting you or not but from my experience that can be majorly limiting with getting a relationship.

It's great that your trying & I know it can be very hard not to be discouraged. Like Muse said, you need the meet the rite person under the rite circumstances & unfortunately that can be more limiting for some than others depending on various factors. It may help to try(or at least consider) a wide variety of places & ways where you can meet someone. It may help to evaluate the criteria you want in a girlfriend & try to meet & be accepting of women who might be more on your level or have various things that would kinda limit their options with getting boyfriends. Think about your potential strengths & skills with things & try to think what type of women might be more accepting or in need of that, even if they're things most women may hate there could be some women who would appreciate those things. Try to find ways to meet those women & make a good impression on them.


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goldfish21
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01 Nov 2022, 2:51 pm

Because it isn't something that's lost that you can just find, pick up, and put in your pocket.

You've to to attract love into your life by being attractive to someone.

You could do a number of things to work on making yourself more attractive. Better your physical condition, mental health. Reduce/eliminate substance use. Improve your skils, capabilities, and financial situation. etc etc. All of these things take time, but, bit by but you'll become an ever better happier version of yourself and thus become more attractive to others.

As for your interactions with these girls.. if they're saying yes to adding you on social media in person, but not following through online.. then they're not interested in you at this time and are only saying yes in person to be polite. People don't like giving bad news or rejecting people because they don't like the feeling of disappointing someone.. but they'll disappoint you online no problem because it's easy when it's anonymous behind a keyboard. If you've added this one girl on a few accounts and gotten no response, she doesn't want to add you.. accept that and don't bother her online because she may feel it's creepy even though she said in person that it was okay.


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nick007
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02 Nov 2022, 3:27 am

goldfish21 wrote:
As for your interactions with these girls.. if they're saying yes to adding you on social media in person, but not following through online.. then they're not interested in you at this time and are only saying yes in person to be polite. People don't like giving bad news or rejecting people because they don't like the feeling of disappointing someone.. but they'll disappoint you online no problem because it's easy when it's anonymous behind a keyboard. If you've added this one girl on a few accounts and gotten no response, she doesn't want to add you.. accept that and don't bother her online because she may feel it's creepy even though she said in person that it was okay.
I find this type of behavior very confusing & frustrating :wall: I'm the type of person who says what he means & means what he says. I want to be told the truth instead of being told what I want to hear. This behavior means the woman is not very compatible with me which seems to make me incompatible with quite alot of women :( Luckily some women are more direct & straightforward & my current girlfriend is kinda this way unless she doesn't know what she wants or is joking


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Mikurotoro92
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05 Dec 2022, 3:38 am

Because of the disability and it's a matter of having a fateful chance encounter and manifesting the ideal relationship



The_Face_of_Boo
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12 Dec 2022, 3:05 am

goldfish21 wrote:
Because it isn't something that's lost that you can just find, pick up, and put in your pocket.

You've to to attract love into your life by being attractive to someone.

You could do a number of things to work on making yourself more attractive. Better your physical condition, mental health. Reduce/eliminate substance use. Improve your skils, capabilities, and financial situation. etc etc. All of these things take time, but, bit by but you'll become an ever better happier version of yourself and thus become more attractive to others.

As for your interactions with these girls.. if they're saying yes to adding you on social media in person, but not following through online.. then they're not interested in you at this time and are only saying yes in person to be polite. People don't like giving bad news or rejecting people because they don't like the feeling of disappointing someone.. but they'll disappoint you online no problem because it's easy when it's anonymous behind a keyboard. If you've added this one girl on a few accounts and gotten no response, she doesn't want to add you.. accept that and don't bother her online because she may feel it's creepy even though she said in person that it was okay.


^^ This gay man got it right.


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