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Joined: 4 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 27,201
Location: Pacific Northwest

03 Nov 2022, 10:05 am

My son is like me in a way. He doesn't have ASD but I noticed he seems to have symptoms of it since it's common in ADHD as well. He is rigid and black and white and follows rules to a T and won't break any no matter what the situation is so as a result he has had his lunch stolen because of it because he refuses to keep it with him at all times because there is a rule where cold lunches must be kept. For me as a kid, I would have broken that rule because to me eating would be more important than following the rule if it causes my food to be taken and I can't get hot lunch because the school staff won't allow it. I told him to just keep his lunch in his locker or with him at all times and if the adults say anything about it, just tell them it's because his food keep being taken. That rule shouldn't apply to him if his food is being taken.

Growing up he was very hyper and would get impulsive so I gave him a rule "don't touch anything that isn't yours." As a result, I gave his little sister the same rule too so my son wouldn't feel singled out and bullied because as a child I would get angry if I saw I had a different set of rules than other kids because somehow rules I had didn't apply to them so I would break them to be like them and get pissed if they didn't have the same rules I had. Then my school had the audacity to say I have a behavior disorder and wanted me in a behavior class when they could have enforced the rules on all students than just on me. Why is it rocket science to give the same rules to all students you are giving to a special ed student? I can tell you we can tell we are being treated different if we see the rules you give us don't apply to other kids and we will feel bullied and singled out from it. Even my own mom agrees this is BS to do this to special ed kids and calls it abuse. Then my school wondered why I had behavior problems. My mom didn't have this problem with me at home because rules she gave me, my brothers had those same rules too because she didn't want me to feel there was something wrong with me and I behaved because rules applied to all of us kids and no one was singled out. It wasn't rocket science like other adults seem to make it out to be.

You are probably wondering "But it's not possible to treat all kids the same because of development" yes you are right like you can't treat a two year old the same as a 7 year old and give a two year old the same consequences as a seven year old so that was when my mom would explain rules for different age groups. so by age ten I learned to only copy kids my age and older than younger kids to avoid getting into any trouble since they set bad examples for me so rules were different for them and didn't apply to them due to their young age.

But by my teens I was pissed when I would out I was basically treated like a mini adult because I would be punished for behaviors that were normal for my age and other kids at that age don't get punished and are given a free pass and their age is used as an excuse? Because I would be punished for basically being a normal misbehaved kid at my age, other kids should be punished too and no age should be used as an excuse. What my mom told me was interesting, I was so literal I would have thought it would be okay and do it over and over and never stop so I had to be punished for any bad normal behavior I did because my mind worked different. My therapist told me most kids forget but because of my ASD, I had a clear memory of things so I took it literal. So I guess this explains why I was always mature behavior wise and responbility wise as a teenager like when I was in high school, I had responsibilities of an adult in their twenties than of a teenager but yet my social skills were bad and I was very naive.

And the funny thing is my husband has accused me of treating our kids like mini adults when all I am doing is enforcing rules at home and if i broke a rule as a kid, a consequence occurred or I was scolded if I wasn't punished.

Son: Diagnosed w/anxiety and ADHD. Also academic delayed.

Daughter: NT, no diagnoses.


Joined: 31 Mar 2022
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,888
Location: Cardiff, Wales

03 Nov 2022, 11:39 am

It's good to teach your son about exceptions to rules, well done on that.


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Joined: 1 Nov 2017
Gender: Female
Posts: 66,085
Location: Chez Quis

03 Nov 2022, 11:54 am

The school should have a universal rule of "Don't take other people's lunch" ! !


My kids' schools wouldn't let them have any type of a bag in class, so they wouldn't be able to carry or hide a lunch.
The only exception was a boy who had Diabetes.
He got to carry one of those lightweight drawstring bags on his bag, with his insulin inside.

My kids had to keep their phones and electronics in their lockers.
Teachers were allowed to confiscate phones if they saw them.

I bet that's not a rule anymore.