I don't understand my autistic boyfriend

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Sweetleaf
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04 Nov 2022, 10:39 am

Summer_Twilight wrote:
rse92 wrote:
Personally, I think just because he is autistic he doesn't have the right to be an ass to you, which he is.

You ought to put your foot down.

I'll bet your could find an NT or another ND fellow who treat you with courtesy and respect.
\

Honestly, I am not in a huge hurry to meet someone else new and actually, I don't think being autistic has anything to do with it. He doesn't even like to associate with being autistic. Rather, I think that's just his personality in general as he has always been kind of a stinker. I accept it because we have been friends for years.


I was sort of thinking maybe he just isn't that interested in like a serious committed relationship. He may see this as more of a sorta friends with benefits thing except maybe leans less towards the friends and more towards the benefits. Basically, you put in all the effort in the friendship/keeping contact part where he doesn't really reciprocate but he still gets the benefit of intimacy with you when he's up for it.

If you are after a committed relationship, I'd say you're probably wasting your time with him. But kind of seems you've already determined that and don't expect it of him. And not sure you are looking for a more serious relationship to begin with.


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Summer_Twilight
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04 Nov 2022, 11:02 am

He's my first boyfriend so no, but I did start developing feelings towards him after he started kissing me. Though we make out, he is not interested in having sex because to him, sex is a feel good at a time moment and he will only do it if he can use BDSM.

As for texting, he will sometimes text pictures of his feet or pictures of a woman tied up having her feet being tickle tortured.



IsabellaLinton
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04 Nov 2022, 11:21 am

Is he more into BDSM, or feet?

I dated a foot guy. All he wanted to do was jerk off on my feet, or sleep with male sex workers.

I thought there was a relationship but really, he just liked my feet.



Summer_Twilight
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04 Nov 2022, 11:36 am

No he had expressed to me that he likes BDSM and has sent several examples



klanka
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04 Nov 2022, 11:49 am

I think what sweetleaf is saying sounds right



rse92
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05 Nov 2022, 8:14 am

Are you sure this guy is on the spectrum?

He's a creep. None of his behavior necessarily follows from autism.



Summer_Twilight
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05 Nov 2022, 9:46 am

Rse92,

First off all, that’s a stereotype and neither should you judge a book by it’s cover. Second, he is on the spectrum because according to his mom, he has a proper diagnosis. She and I have been neighbors for years. In fact, she told me that he is autistic. His situation is borderline additionally to having epilepsy and very mild cerebral palsy.

Actually he and I were also friends for many years before we started seeing each other.


Yes, he is hyper focused on feet but he also has the nerdy side.



Sweetleaf
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05 Nov 2022, 11:24 am

Summer_Twilight wrote:
No he had expressed to me that he likes BDSM and has sent several examples


Did he ask you if you were even interested or if it was ok to send examples?

Idk most people would not appreciate their boyfriend or girlfriend just sending them explicit images I don't think, without some sort of like discussion as to if that is ok or not.


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Summer_Twilight
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05 Nov 2022, 1:23 pm

I asked him to stop many times but he didn’t listen. At this point, I don’t care since I don’t think he and I are on the same front page.



Summer_Twilight
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06 Nov 2022, 9:06 am

Are not *



The_Face_of_Boo
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06 Nov 2022, 3:14 pm

I usually avoid bdsm people; they usually have something very wrong in the head.


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Summer_Twilight
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06 Nov 2022, 4:19 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I usually avoid bdsm people; they usually have something very wrong in the head.


I don't really want to say anything bad about my boyfriend because he has lots of nice qualities but he does have some problems of his own. Anyway I talked to some other people about the images that he has been sending me and they said they are scared of him.



Sweetleaf
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06 Nov 2022, 5:03 pm

Summer_Twilight wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I usually avoid bdsm people; they usually have something very wrong in the head.


I don't really want to say anything bad about my boyfriend because he has lots of nice qualities but he does have some problems of his own. Anyway I talked to some other people about the images that he has been sending me and they said they are scared of him.


Since you mentioned that you asked him to stop sending you that stuff and he doesn't listen, I can see why. That is a huge red flag.

That said there is nothing wrong with liking BDSM, but there is something wrong with trying to push it on other people, which it seems like he is trying to do.


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Summer_Twilight
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07 Nov 2022, 9:10 am

I have not heard from him in nearly a week. When he left last week, he very short in a text I sent him and hasn’t responded anymore. I am not texting him unless he texts me first.



IsabellaLinton
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07 Nov 2022, 11:13 am

Summer_Twilight wrote:
I asked him to stop many times but he didn’t listen.


That's a dealbreaker, regardless of the topic.

If you ask him to stop ANYTHING many times and he doesn't listen, it's a big red flag.

The BDSM issue is a second red flag since you don't seem to be on the same page.



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07 Nov 2022, 11:32 am

If you have any future communication with him perhaps it should be extremely simple and clear (he is Autistic).

Point out that you asked him to stop sending you that stuff and he continued doing it. Then ask why did he keep sending you stuff.

Ask him what he hopes to accomplish by sending the stuff to you. Is he hoping to do BDSM with you? Is he hoping you will share his vicarious pleasure from seeing the stuff? Is he just clueless?

Simple, clear questions and statements might be helpful...or at least enlightening.


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