Miracle of Stimming:
Key words : stimming, shutdowns, fatigue, sleep, mind, information processing, panic attacks, recovery, a joke.
I have been thinking for a while that my mind (not brain) (software, not hardware) changes my body chemistry. But I guess reverse is also true.
In the past, I was stimming just because it feels good. When I was at university, I was always stimming with my fingers, but I didn't know it was called stimming nor did I know that I have Asperger syndrome. I didn't know anything about autism. By the way, I didn't remember anything about stimming in my childhood.
Last night, I was at a place in which there are many people who I know. But I don't like two of them. They were speaking. But I became aware of that I was stimming with my fingers. But then I stopped.
After some time, half of the people left the room. But two guys didn't leave. One was sitting next to me, there is one person between us. But suddenly I realized that my anxiety increased, I felt as if I want to cry, my eyes started to twitch. Then when I lost all my energy in 3-5 minutes (like a perforated gasoline tank), I left the room without saying anything.
Then I came to my home. And eat something light and a cup of tea. But I never felt such a fatigue in my all body. I felt tired as if all my bones were broken. And my mind couldn't function as it should. I decided to go to bed.
When I went to bed, I thought I may be terminally ill. Because it wasn't normal. And I associated this fatigue with some other things.( this is how my brain works) But then I started to stim, after 3-5 minutes as if a miracle took place. I didn't no more feel ANY aching or pain in my mind and body. And I speed up stimming and it was perfect.
I slept well and when I woke up morning I didn't feel any fatigue like before. Because I was feeling a fatigue after I woke up every time for 2-3 months.
My explanation for this is it is all about information processing.
When I was overwhelmed by too many sensory inputs, my brain shutted down itself. And I guess when it was trying to recover, I felt like a chaos, "Kernel Panic". When you take a Quinn from a bee hive then colony will behave as if end of the world came. My mind was like a colony without a Quinn. But when I started to stimming, my brain couldn't condone this input, because it was good and rhythmic and predictable and everything. It was like the pheromone of Quinn and colony (my nerve cells; neurons) started to behave in order.
I also won panic attacks by changing my breathing and canalizing my mind in near past. Panic attacks were the worst thing in my life, that I ever experienced. But now I have no fear of it.
My brain like a quantum computer, different possibilities at the same time... it complies with superposition principle (this was a joke.).
Thank you for reading...
12 Nov 2022, 3:38 am
