Is being quiet a symptom of aspergers?

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Highly_Autistic
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12 Nov 2022, 3:41 pm

Is being quiet a symptom of aspergers? I dont feel the urge to talk to people or meet someone



ToughDiamond
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12 Nov 2022, 6:02 pm

I haven't heard of it being that, but I've heard from Aspies who have "selective" mutism, i.e. they go quiet when with certain people and/or under certain circumstances - I tend to do that myself, I can be quite a chatterbox or I might go mute. Of course NTs aren't completely constant about how much they talk either, but they don't seem to go from one extreme to the other like I do.

I suppose being generally quiet could be also linked to ASD. The circumstances causing you to be quiet might be more constantly present than they are in mine. I'm not quite sure what circumstances trigger me to flip modes - I suppose one could be that I assess social situations for safety and behave accordingly. Another might be that I find it hard not to talk about things that interest me. And I have trouble interrupting people who are talking and in asking for attention, so if the people I'm with are talking together or otherwise not looking open to my input, I'm usually quiet. Also I often can't think of anything to say to people, I'm not much good at spontaneous small-talk.

So if you see most social situations as unsafe, have little interest in most of the things you think they're interested in, aren't one for small talk, and tend to be among people who would need interrupting in order to get a word in, and your brain wiring is similar to mine with regard to talking, then you might well find that you're fairly quiet.

Maybe useful questions would be, if you've ever not been quiet, what was going on then? Did you go on at great length? What was the social situation in terms of the things I've described?



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12 Nov 2022, 6:27 pm

I would say so.

Ive been accused of being "quiet" all of my life.



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12 Nov 2022, 9:41 pm

I can think a lot of reasons and factors;

Being asocial -- AS? Likely, when social motivation is actually low.
Social anxiety -- AS? Circumstances would say likely.
Poor verbal abilities -- AS? Depends on the particular social circle, circumstances, and the individual's command in language and communication skills.
Social drive -- AS? Depends on the personality.
Introversion -- AS? Likely when it also depends on the personality, sensory profiles and stressors.
Shyness -- AS? No. That's personality.
Mutism -- AS? Highly circumstantial which may range from lack of social instinct to social anxiety.
Nervousness -- AS? No. That only factors social anxiety, and circumstances makes it like AS is the culprit.
Uncertainty -- AS? Likely when intolerance of uncertainty seems so common. Not going for something new, not going for changes...
Self-conscious/shame/embarrassment -- AS? Depends on the personality. If the aspie in question doesn't see themselves equal or puts themselves unworthy.
Arrogance/pickiness -- AS? Likely. Perhaps this roots from constant disappointment, so why bother meeting someone new if they won't click, they won't stick, they won't understand?
High effort, low reward -- AS? Well that's the reality of it sometimes. It's a road to a lot of these above.


In my own case?
Not in a mood to unless in extreme boredom or gleeful enough to, preoccupied elsewhere in my head or coping with something else like being overwhelmed and having to overthink of words.

Sometimes I just don't see the reason to speak. Sometimes speaking would make it worse either ways. Kinda why I hate ending up becoming an impulsive chatter in every other week.
Sometimes I exclude myself -- I don't see a way or currently the ability for me to synch with others or do as they do.


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autisticelders
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13 Nov 2022, 6:15 am

could be! I think after being told to shut up, that nobody wanted to hear from me, and being shut down, punished and ignored, etc, I learned to be quiet and stay in the background to avoid abuse. In talking about my diagnosis with a childhood friend (from age 8 til today at age 71) she said "you always were a quiet little thing" and I was very surprised because I had always got the impression I was too loud, too pushy, too talkative, not wanted for comments or information, etc etc etc. I had this self image of being loud and unmannerly, intrusive, rude, obnoxious... but most people outside my immediate family do not remember me that way . Interesting how things look so different from somebody else's perspective and input.


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14 Nov 2022, 12:03 am

When I was younger people wanted me to shut up because I wouldn't stop talking about my interests. After my diagnosis I slowly but surely became a lot quieter and I cringe when I think about how I would talk too much and was too loud and humiliated other people unintentionally.

Whenever someone *does* ask me about my interests these days, I'm always unnerved and embarrassed, not to mention a little shocked that they would ask as if they really want to know.



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14 Nov 2022, 2:55 am

It's common but not a defining characteristic of autism. Almost all introverts are quiet and they are about half of the population. :)


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14 Nov 2022, 3:25 am

Being socially awkward and getting bullied can result in an autistic person finding it hard or being unwilling to talk or interact with other people. Hence, being quiet can indirectly be a symptom of autism.



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14 Nov 2022, 7:05 am

I'm insecure in my ability to speak well, so I don't talk much and get told that I'm very "quiet" all the time. I usually just sit there and listen to other people.

I also deal with mutism in most social situations that give me anxiety and don't have a choice about whether I can talk or not when that happens.



Kaioken
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14 Nov 2022, 3:58 pm

In my case, being quiet was my way of masking/camouflaging my Autism. So it was more a symptom of the coping mechanism I had adopted. I subconsciously opted to make myself as invisible as possible. At the time, I didn’t recognise it as masking but I now know it was.



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14 Nov 2022, 5:52 pm

Highly_Autistic wrote:
Is being quiet a symptom of aspergers? I dont feel the urge to talk to people or meet someone


I think for a lot of people that is true. Not for me though :lol: I've been told I don't know when to be quiet.



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16 Nov 2022, 1:51 pm

I'm not an introvert, I just hate humans. :evil:

I'm going to put that on a T-Shirt one of these days. Right now I'm working on a T-shirt that says "If you can read this, your germs are too close".