advice thread, friendly counsel from one aspie to another

Page 1 of 1 [ 15 posts ] 


how often do you seriously consider friendly advice?
i listen to most advice and give most advice due consideration. :) 45%  45%  [ 5 ]
sometimes when i feel receptive. :shrug: 9%  9%  [ 1 ]
never, i generally know best what works for me :hmph: 18%  18%  [ 2 ]
where's my ice cream? :chef: 27%  27%  [ 3 ]
Total votes : 11

auntblabby
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 111,639
Location: the island of defective toy santas

15 Nov 2022, 6:03 am

the purpose of this thread is for us WPers to help one another out, piecemeal, one aspie to another or one to many, with some friendly advice to help out in various life situations. i will start-

many of us aspies have weight problems and specifically a problem with excess sugar intake. we should avoid more than a modest amount of sugar [no more than 10% of daily calories in the form of refined carbs such as table sugar, starches, pastas, white potatoes, corn, gravies and cakes] at all costs! it is unhealthy, leading to the development of many MANY diseases. The AHA suggests a stricter added-sugar limit of no more than 100 calories per day (about 6 teaspoons or 24 grams) for most adult women and no more than 150 calories per day (about 9 teaspoons or 36 grams of sugar) for most men. same warning applies for daily consumption of more than about 2300mg daily intake of table salt. below is a link detailing all the hazards of excess table salt-
https://drthadgala.com/hidden-dangers-of-table-salt/

ok, any more advice from anybody here? it can be about ANYTHING AT ALL.



Man
Butterfly
Butterfly

User avatar

Joined: 8 Nov 2022
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 10
Location: Pakistan

15 Nov 2022, 8:53 am

Option # 3.

I'm 32 years old and at this stage, I know exactly what I like and what I dislike.

For a vast majority of my life, I stick with option # 1. But now, I refuse to let people dictate my life. If they like me, fine. If they don't, fine too. In fact, it's better that way, as I don't exactly like to indulge myself in mindless gossip.

Why in the world should I care what you ate for breakfast?! Meh.

Besides, it's not like the world's ever going to approve of me. I embraced that demon long ago and now we are friends till the end!



auntblabby
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 111,639
Location: the island of defective toy santas

15 Nov 2022, 9:11 am

OK Man, do you have any helpful advice you could offer other aspies about anything in life? like [for example] how to bargain for a raise at work, or how to shop for this or that?

i will offer other advice for car buyers out there looking for a bargain- avoid hybrid cars with high miles, they are money pits. they are chock-full of high-dollar value and hard-to-repair parts that average about $6k per repair. to replace a battery in a nissan leaf costs about $6k as well. if you must have an E-car or hybrid, stick to ones still in warrantee.



justkillingtime
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Aug 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,874
Location: Washington, D.C.

15 Nov 2022, 9:56 am

Never have your cat declawed because it leads to excruciating pain and, therefore, behavior problems.


_________________
Impermanence.


auntblabby
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 111,639
Location: the island of defective toy santas

15 Nov 2022, 10:01 am

^^^good advice that more cat owners need to heed.



Man
Butterfly
Butterfly

User avatar

Joined: 8 Nov 2022
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 10
Location: Pakistan

15 Nov 2022, 10:42 am

auntblabby wrote:
OK Man, do you have any helpful advice you could offer other aspies about anything in life? like [for example] how to bargain for a raise at work, or how to shop for this or that?

i will offer other advice for car buyers out there looking for a bargain- avoid hybrid cars with high miles, they are money pits. they are chock-full of high-dollar value and hard-to-repair parts that average about $6k per repair. to replace a battery in a nissan leaf costs about $6k as well. if you must have an E-car or hybrid, stick to ones still in warrantee.


That was the advice actually!

Don't care about the herd. Mind your own business. Don't listen to the chatter about you. Have high self-esteem.

People habitually respond to authority so be confident. Even a bit patronizing and aggressive, if you think it helps your cause.

Let's face it, you won't be making any friends. So instead, make yourself a big target. I know how that sounds but when you try to make yourself a smaller target by hiding... well, it tends to attract bullies.

It's just survival. Animals use intimidation all the time to appear meaner than they actually are! And we are solitary creatures - like leopards, for example - who have to watch their own backs.

They don't have an entire f'ing herd watching their six. I sure don't!

Take what you will.



kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 86,974
Location: Queens, NYC

15 Nov 2022, 11:04 am

I've never gone too far by being patronizing and aggressive. It's just not in my nature. There's too much aggression nowadays----in real life and on the Internet. The overall dialogue is sinking lower and lower into the Abyss

Insist on being treated like you want to be treated.

It might be "phony"----but being superficially friendly can go a long way. I'm not necessarily a "social" person----but humans are social beings, so I can understand why some people do "social" things.

I believe in telling the truth----but doing it in a diplomatic way.



ThisTimelessMoment
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 15 Apr 2021
Age: 49
Gender: Male
Posts: 309
Location: South Africa

15 Nov 2022, 11:59 am

I always make an effort to listen to everyone who has advice for me. That in no way means I will take it. But you never know what you might learn about yourself from others. I am aware that I cannot "see" myself very clearly, and so outside input is very useful. A mirror in which to see myself.
It hasn't always been this way. Only since I started loving myself.


_________________
Ever onwards and upwards!


ToughDiamond
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Sep 2008
Age: 70
Gender: Male
Posts: 9,812

15 Nov 2022, 8:21 pm

I voted "quite often." Examples:

A long time ago my then wife said she thought I had ASD and she suggested I looked into it. She'd been reading books about ASD as part of her teacher training course so it seems plausible that she was seeing ASD in everybody the way people often see the subject of their current study in everything. Her general critical thinking skills had never greatly impressed me. But she had approached me in a surprisingly (for her) light-touch manner, and I'm not the type to be very attached to the notion that there's nothing mentally "wrong" with me, so I felt no great emotional resistance to overcome while evaluating her idea. And I didn't expect doing some online test or other would be very hard or time-consuming, particularly as I could do it at work where I had plenty of spare time and not much I could do with it except to mess about on the Web. So a few days later I did the Aspie-Quiz and that came out as "You are very likely an Aspie."

I sought advice on the Web on how to improve a computer program I was writing. One guy gave me some help that I found useful and applied, but also advised me to learn more about the computer language and do it "properly," so to speak. I rejected that on the grounds that I was keen to get the program working and didn't want to be distracted by anything else. I didn't think it likely to make any difference to the finished program's functionality, and I turned out to be correct about that. What he'd done was to interject a piece of advice that wasn't relevent to the problem I'd asked for help with. He was advising me to learn a bit more about the "proper" programming methods. I saw (and still see) that as a complicated and debatable issue.

There are no doubt benefits to learning more about the language but whether or not it would be worth the cost in time depends on the individual and what programs that individual then happens to write over the rest of his or her life. There are differing schools of thought in the computing world about how to go about programming, and some programmers would say just learn what you need to get the job done because you tend to forget the stuff you've learned anyway if you don't use it regularly (which I don't). So I guess I considered his advice and decided that in my case it probably wouldn't be worth the effort to take it. I think I was right but I don't know because I haven't reached the end of my life so I don't know what programs I'll try to write, if any, in the future.

I think a lot of advice has that flavour to it. An approach that works for me might not work for you. So I think it's better not to be too prescriptive when offering advice, but instead to bring options to their attention in a clear, light-touch way.

Anyway, to answer the original question, I think I've normally at least considered the advice I've been offered. I'm not one for rejecting ideas out of hand. Nonetheless, I think I usually know what I'm doing, and I hardly ever act on advice that doesn't make sense to me. I'd have to trust an adviser a great deal to do that, and it's rare that anybody has behaved (in my own experience) to me in a way that would earn trust to that degree.



Man
Butterfly
Butterfly

User avatar

Joined: 8 Nov 2022
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 10
Location: Pakistan

16 Nov 2022, 1:04 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
I've never gone too far by being patronizing and aggressive. It's just not in my nature. There's too much aggression nowadays----in real life and on the Internet. The overall dialogue is sinking lower and lower into the Abyss

Insist on being treated like you want to be treated.

It might be "phony"----but being superficially friendly can go a long way. I'm not necessarily a "social" person----but humans are social beings, so I can understand why some people do "social" things.

I believe in telling the truth----but doing it in a diplomatic way.


I understand what you mean. But not everyone is kind enough to give you what you want - or perhaps treat you the way you want to be treated - even if you ask them nicely.

For example, my work environment is a cesspool of endless power struggle and gross office politics. If you want to be nice to "everyone" then might as well hand over your resignation letter! It's futile.

You've GOT to make enemies. The quirks of survival of the fittest. The real me - with Asperger's and mild ADHD - is by no means fit enough to survive in that harsh environment! Plus, it's not like I've got backup. I'm a solitary creature watching my own back.

As I maintained earlier, it's mere survival. You've no option but to stop taking things too personally and lose your sense of empathy - to a certain degree - when your arse is on the line!



auntblabby
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 111,639
Location: the island of defective toy santas

16 Nov 2022, 2:04 am

one time i pointedly didn't listen to advice [in this case from the I-Ching on 3 separate go-rounds], it cost me thou$$$$ands. :(



Dear_one
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Feb 2008
Age: 74
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,644
Location: Where the Great Plains meet the Northern Pines

18 Nov 2022, 7:14 am

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about."

If you have a technical talent, it may not seem obvious to you how much easier it is for you than others. If you come up with a better way to do something that is crystal clear to you, it probably won't be clear at all to all the people doing it the old way. Your innovation will still have to be "sold," using things like rhetorical tricks to get it accepted.
You don't have infinite brain power, so you can't be both a good techie and a good salesman. Most of what we see has been thought up by someone much better at sales, because people nurture their own brain children. My advice is to compromise yourself with people skills just enough to find a partner who will sell your good ideas. Don't try to get "well-rounded" and live as a full-time actor pretending to be an NT. NT counsellors are well-meaning, but they can't imagine the possibilities you have as a specialist. Of course, you do have to focus on things that are potentially in demand, or sales efforts will be futile. Perhaps the biggest problem in attracting a good salesman is that if your ideas almost sell themselves, he won't be able to show off his own talent. They dread hearing their peers say "Well, Anyone could sell That!"



auntblabby
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 111,639
Location: the island of defective toy santas

19 Nov 2022, 2:54 am

always do one's best to buy low but sell high. pay yourself first. take the best care of your body as early in life as you are aware. you can't buy back good health past a certain point. avoid unnecessary wear and tear. watch less tv and read more.



jimmy m
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Jun 2018
Age: 74
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,668
Location: Indiana

19 Nov 2022, 8:58 am

I always consider friendly advice. I do not see life like others and friendly advice gives me an alert to potential problems. I may not always agree with the opinions of others but I need to know what they are thinking. It is like a RED FLAG ALERT.


_________________
Author of Practical Preparations for a Coronavirus Pandemic.
A very unique plan. As Dr. Paul Thompson wrote, "This is the very best paper on the virus I have ever seen."


auntblabby
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 111,639
Location: the island of defective toy santas

19 Nov 2022, 9:50 pm

the first mouse gets whacked, the second mouse gets the cheese. be the second mouse.