Jakki wrote:
Edna3362 wrote:
This culture, being born within socioeconomic inaccessibility and more human ignorance in general.
If it's about my choices, I'd say conscience and fear did it.
Without that, I would've choose to flee -- make or break my own life.
Fear seems an obvious reason.
Why conscience?
I can't "leave" family and therefore so does whatever crap I have to deal with around me -- I love them "enough" to stick around and not want to worry them.
The basis is more about me being guilty and not wanting to hurt them and not feel abandoned than actual love and to voluntarily give myself to them, to actually be there for them. I don't like it.
And demanding "support" felt like becoming an opportunistic bastard who would scam those who had been willfully invested on me.
Whatever this is, something within me is fricking distorted and I don't even know where it came from.
Staying just stifles my growth.
And staying also means playing by my weaknesses, my not strengths and thus life going nowhere unless I'm elsewhere that do foster what I could and would do.
Sorry your circumstances are the way they are . Sometimes victims have trouble. Freeing themselves from. What is
Familiar . Sometimes a persons identity reflects from being in a certain familial role .
But shouldn’t have to be in a victims role to be a entity in that same familial role . Imho.
Hopefully not meant to offend,perhaps see as just a outside observation .
Thought what you wrote was very well written/expressive .
Not familiarity (which I'm sick of).
Just guilt.
To a point that I wish that mom or my family in general would just hate me instead so I could have a reasonable reason to leave them.
Love doesn't make me stronger for them.
It just makes me just not want to ask anything of them. They won't leave me, they won't let me go -- I want them to let me go and let me leave.
No thanks to conscience -- my expression of "love" to them is simply not burden them with guilt, fear and worry -- which itself is an expression of loving concern.
A person whose conscience isn't twisted would felt flattered that someone at least cared -- I don't. I just felt guilt and frustration at the very fact that someone cared.