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Joe90
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04 Dec 2022, 7:27 pm

I was diagnosed way to early for a girl with Asperger's, but from the day I was diagnosed I have always wished I was somebody else. A neurotypical, to be more exact. And before you say "NTs have it hard too", hear me out first. I was born into a family of NTs and went to a school full of NTs. And I felt I was The Problem Child. Out of all the children I knew growing up (cousins and classmates) there wasn't anyone who had worse issues than me, behaviour-wise.
My mum suffered challenges from me that her siblings and other parents she knew didn't with their (NT) children, and I brought on so much stress for my mum and I think she just yearned for a "normal child", or more accurately, a "normal parenthood". Normal doesn't mean perfect, so that's not what I'm trying to say. Normal just means the desired, the standard, doesn't stand out, etc.
And at school, the older I got the more socially isolated I felt. There were only like 11 other girls in my class and they all hung out together every lunchtime, but I still felt so excluded, even by the nice girls. I just stuck with them for familiarity (I knew them since we were 5 years old and I liked them of course) and because I hated being on my own. But I was often left out of gossip and activities, and when I tried to join in they'd say "I wasn't talking to you!" or "go away and stop following us!" Also I was treated differently and I used to imagine how different my school life would have been if I was born NT just like them. I'd just automatically be accepted into their group and know all the right things to say and be considered as cool as the next person. I'm not saying I'd have been popular but I know I would have been accepted.
Also I get angry, because why me? Both my parents are NTs. My mum was in her mid-20s when she was pregnant with me, and had no birth complications. I was a healthy baby, born a week later than my due date. Yet my aunt had problems during pregnancy, where the baby (my cousin) wasn't getting enough oxygen and the doctors said she was at risk of being born disabled. But she wasn't disabled. All she had was some minor learning difficulties and a bit delayed in speech but she turned out OK, seemed NT enough to be able to fit in and make friends and not be challenging for her parents or be a concern at school.
So I lacked all the risk factors of being born different yet I still was, while my cousin had more risk factors of being born different and she wasn't.
So, why me?


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Edna3362
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04 Dec 2022, 8:18 pm

I do.
But it's not autism, just circumstances.

My dad risked himself out there and... He barely made it.
Didn't delivered the promises and plans -- while many of my family friends had been successful.

So why us? (Me and my family)
That's how I got disillusioned about the idea of going abroad.

At least he didn't abandoned us or worse, got himself in trouble. And that he's still doing his duty as a provider.

Would I get better accomodations elsewhere, instead of having to get by in this slow and painful process by myself, had my parents got lucky and succeeded?

It's not like I can do anything about my own parents' decision as a child.

I'm an adult now. I should have more power to decide my own fate.
So why am I still feel like I'm "waiting" when I shouldn't? Why long for something that should been, yet never did?



As for my life had I've been an NT?
I do not mourn for it.
It just looked like a really tempting avenue than something I long for.

I don't know. I don't think I'd turn out to be a good person if I've been NT.
I'd be an aspies' nightmare -- maybe the type that could fall into antisocial personalities with my mom's social talents -- had that been the case.


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auntblabby
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05 Dec 2022, 12:28 am

long have felt a day late and a dollar short. like i just found out about the big race and by the time i get within sight of the starting gate, the participants long ago finished and went onto other things and it was paved over into a parking lot full of cars.



kraftiekortie
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05 Dec 2022, 6:59 am

I wish I would have done much better with my life. I wish I was a “normal” person, so perhaps I could have been a professional, rather than just a clerk. I wish I didn’t have my limitations.

But I also seek to make the best out of what I do possess. I try not to be bitter. I could be much worse off than I am at this moment.

I just wish I wasn’t so damn lazy—and have the patience to do handyperson tasks. I dislike even LOOKING at someone putting up blinds at my window.



auntblabby
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05 Dec 2022, 7:22 am

watching other people work hard makes me tired. really. i get tired just thinking about it, though nowhere near as tired as i got having to do the rot.



MissyM
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24 Dec 2022, 12:32 am

New here and just saw your post. Same age range, found out 4 years ago. And yes I mourn the life I could have had.

Still haven't completely given up and I'm trying to salvage something of a career that I had planned. Just hope I don't end up alone the rest of my life.



ASPartOfMe
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24 Dec 2022, 11:59 pm

MissyM wrote:
New here and just saw your post. Same age range, found out 4 years ago. And yes I mourn the life I could have had.

Still haven't completely given up and I'm trying to salvage something of a career that I had planned. Just hope I don't end up alone the rest of my life.

Welcome to Wrong Planet.

What career had you planned? Maybe there are some members that have experience in that line of work.

Also, there is a 'Work And Finding A Job' section on this site.


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MissyM
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09 Jan 2023, 9:41 pm

Quote:
What career had you planned? Maybe there are some members that have experience in that line of work.


Got busy and didn't follow up with this.

Research, I have a MS in biochemistry. Haven't worked in a lab in years though. And I can't really move now either so my options are sort of limited now.

I recently found out there is a new start up in this area doing exactly the research I'm interested in. But it is very small and they aren't hiring now. But maybe someday I can find a way to get my foot in the door there.



ASPartOfMe
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14 Jan 2023, 12:12 am

MissyM wrote:
Quote:
What career had you planned? Maybe there are some members that have experience in that line of work.


Got busy and didn't follow up with this.

Research, I have a MS in biochemistry. Haven't worked in a lab in years though. And I can't really move now either so my options are sort of limited now.

I recently found out there is a new start up in this area doing exactly the research I'm interested in. But it is very small and they aren't hiring now. But maybe someday I can find a way to get my foot in the door there.


Most people have "transferrable skills" meaning they are useful to an employer in other fields.

31 Great Jobs for Autistic People in a Huge Range of Industries

There are a whole bunch of other lists like this as well as lists of careers for autistics to avoid.


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“My autism is not a superpower. It also isn’t some kind of god-forsaken, endless fountain of suffering inflicted on my family. It’s just part of who I am as a person”. - Sara Luterman


Dengashinobi
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17 Jan 2023, 3:50 pm

Sometimes I mourn the life I could have. Because I see how happy others can be. It's not about the success, it's about the smile in their face. It's about their ability to develop fulfilling relationships. It's about the harmony they have in their lives. How smoothly they navigate in life. While all my life I felt I was drowning and I was fighting to stay at the surface. Sometimes I experience an excruciating existential angst that incapacitates me.



auntblabby
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18 Jan 2023, 12:29 am

the "holland" analogy seems to fit me like a glove.



Da_Zero_A_Dieci
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18 Jan 2023, 4:27 am

I agree with what they answered. We didn't have a complete understanding of autism.
We certainly didn't think like we do now.
There were many errors, some of language because if you really want to start from Hans Asperger, the translations if I remember correctly my studies deciphered his deductions as "autistic psychopathology". There was also Kanner who studied our little brothers with a more complex condition.
Which in some places qualities that many of us do not possess. And the IQ is not a diriment: and in my opinion it is parallel as a deficit and that's it, then it adds to the condition.

§

Some of them are like mental magic boxes.
Who among us with even very high IQs could do exceptional things like some of them?

A facebook contact of mine who has a low functioning daughter who as they describe is capable of doing impressive things has an IQ of 67 rated.
Nevertheless,
they have impressive Savant faculties

So the error adds up to errors, already in 1916 the autistic condition was being studied. In 1926 it was very clear.
There are explicit and published documentations for that (I'm going from memory) by a Russian neuorloga in 1926 pre Hans Asperger.
I had reposted a luarea thesis well in my language 5 years ago.

So 17/18 rhymes from Kanner and Asperger's.
§
Then the mistake was to translate the nosographies: we Westerners between Anglo-Saxons and Italians and the USA remained passive. Us until 1980.
The USA since the first DSM of 1953.

107 years go by to 2023, and the external examining doctors ask me what autism they define as HFA is in me (in my case).

I find myself evaluated by non-university trained people.

And I find after years of nosographic nothingness picking up on Lorna Wing from 1981, Frith, and Cohen et al:
Then again nothing is nosographed thanks to the USA it must be said.
In 1994 DSM4th. We are 78 years after the first insights, and 68 years after Kanner and Asperger.
§
The DSMs were already 4 +2 appendages.

In Italy the ICD has been used since 1980, and they have implemented the DSM since 1980.

The impetus came after the Basaglia law from us (which died soon after).

In fact they ignored us until the last 2.

* Still a lot is missing even if the "modern" techniques from Neuroimaging, to the clinic, to the published that was not paid attention to by us.

It was thought to divide a syndrome into many diagnoses. It happened to a friend of mine who disassembled the 10 different diagnoses.

Then in one again they included her in autism: the difference between the comorbidities that flank and intersect with it confuses doctors.
Imagine a platform: the train passes through the old ones.

But it crosses two parallels.
This vision is missing.
And that of exchanges.

§
The thing that is absolutely wrong is that you have ways of diagnosing very exactly.

Maybe I'll discuss it in another thread.

It's not done.

It doesn't take much.

I would like to redo Neuroimaging, precision medicine, marker exams, and professional tests.

We will see if it is possible to pay the ticket either in Milan or Turin or Cagliari.
Because we are ahead and a lot.

I don't consider doctors without publications, mine also has them in Nature and other magazines and also on other is Asperger's like us.

And she collaborates with many of her students with the USA: the USA is ahead and by a long way.

Then the concept of public health welfare that Mr President OBAMA seems to me wanted to achieve does not pass.

It is not conceivable that you pay enormous sums and necessarily have diagnoses of things lacking something that you yourself have studied.

And USA and Australia always teach the world.
They cost a lot: let alone if a normal person can afford a perfect diagnosis.

You can but it costs: you have medical insurance.
We pay over half our salaries in misused taxes then.
A half.
§
Regarding the question ;
I don't feel in mourning but robbed of differential diagnosis and it could very well have been.
Then hell Public Health that didn't recognize the non-classical autistic ones.

Addressed: I didn't understand until 2010 I thought I was social phobic cured for that, of course

§
this has ruined my chances and life.

then as I said I did it myself not knowing, but understanding that I have a deficit.

And my only path starts from my 4 years of life.
Keep in mind that my non-social IQ allowed me to be praised by my professors.

But socially it was zero.

Even today and for the rest of my life I will have to remedy this.

§ I won't mention them but you have written many important things about me: We need to be proud of our being able to live in a society that is not ours.

Some may have less severe grades, others not.

Anyway Chapeau to you!

I will not stop like this, I will write to valid doctors for an instrumental diagnosis as well.

It can very well.
Babies 6 months and older can also be diagnosed.

They tell us 2 years: they are wrong.

Studies confirm it.

DSM and ICD are obviously based on outdated beliefs.

And it will take at least two more to adapt.

In my life, not understanding the things of this condition, I felt terrible about it.

But like you I don't blame anyone, I just point out that we were left Alone.

The Suns illuminate and decide the future of our galaxy.

I close this post so philosophically.

*As JFK said:-""Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country"

Let's think about really imposing ourselves.
Forums like this are essential and I take this opportunity to thank Alex who created it for us.

I don't know him but I really thank him, because he gives us the opportunity to condition the wrong ideas about us and let us express ourselves.

We are different: then the Forum helps people understand what is essential.

§
Don't regret not feeling guilty; you did what you could
§
Seek professional diagnosis, you will need it



Da_Zero_A_Dieci
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18 Jan 2023, 4:50 am

Regarding the dialogues, there are no differences between genders at all.

They are 1:1.
Women are, if anything, at a disadvantage in their social skills, based on the social intelligence they possess.

You suffer in both sexes, and the sooner you diagnose and you can the better.

Great results are achieved on children.

Personally, I wouldn't conceive myself otherwise, but I live in an NT society and I have to refer to it very pragmatically.

§

An erroneous diversification of diagnoses appears that does not respond to the truth: see the publications of ANthony Attwood.

He has been studying them for an academic life.

It places them not 1 to 1 An erroneous diversification of diagnoses appears that does not respond to the truth: see the publications of ANthony Attwood.

He has been studying them for an academic life.

It places them not 4 to 1 against women, but places them when diagnosed at the exact same level as men.

It must be said that girls suffer greater damage because they are more intelligent socially and involuntarily escape diagnosis.

But doctors at 6 months of age should already be able to understand, just by looking for interactional reciprocity, it is possible, it is needed, it is indispensable.

Those who do not recognize themselves in the diagnosis are either subclinical or well balanced between nd and nt. women, but places them when diagnosed at the exact same level as men.

It must be said that girls suffer greater damage because they are more intelligent socially and involuntarily escape diagnosis.

But doctors at 6 months of age should already be able to understand, just by looking for interactional reciprocity, it is possible, it is needed, it is indispensable.

Those who do not recognize themselves in the diagnosis are either subclinical or well balanced between nd and nt.


It's not good to get upset, or feel sorry for yourself: what I don't know about.


Am I blind or socially: is it a fault?

But I'm blind because I was not diagnosed early.

If anything...