A brief biography: Independent and determined. Overachiever. Overthinker. I don’t do small talk. A magnet to socially awkward situations. A bit aloof and has trouble opening up, but I become more social and caring around people that I trust. Very honest and value logic and rationality. Love of learning. I either feel like a robot, or an alien most of the time. I don't enjoy social gatherings, going out, drinking, or nightlife. I'd rather go for a walk in a swamp to look at birds, bugs, and butterflies.
The reason I'm here: I am unable to find any meaningful connections in real life at present and so I am turning inward for some serious reflection and online to try and understand my pitfalls and hopefully learn some new skills that I can use in the real world. But if I am not successful, at least find a way to feel like less of a failure at being a human being.
Currently I am considering the issue of "mental rigidity." This is a feature that it present when the asd person has unyielding opinions about a topic. I do hold down a job. A necessity in this life. I recently had a move, to a new location and I am trying to navigate this new place. Same job, new people and a new layout. There is a person there who had also been a colleague at the previous location and has observed me at both places. He basically said that I "don't fit in" no matter where I go and that "fitting in" with the rest of the crowd is highly important in this job. He recommended that I change aspects of my personality in order to be better received by my peers. Otherwise, I may soon start to have problems at the new place. I'm worried!
Researching online, I determined that one of my problems may be mental rigidity. I don't fit in because I don't seek the opinions of others. I don't seek the approval of others or look to obtain their viewpoints. The reason: because I already have one! The social dilemma here is one of "reciprocal social communication." Because I hold fast to my own opinions and live in my own inner world, I have great difficulty even wanting to exchange thoughts, experiences, and opinions with others. Their viewpoints seem invalid to me, or uninteresting, or irrelevant/unnecessary. I also have rigidity in having strict adherence to daily routines and become unwilling to change even minor things. Consequently, the people I work with tend to receive me very poorly.
The article I read suggests that the asd person would want to increase his flexibility and enlarge his world in order to be better accepted by his peers. Someone suggested that I just pretend that I didn't know something and ask advice, and that would be a good way to include someone else's input. I'm not much for pretending so it doesn't sound right to me. A suggestion from the article is to come up with questions during the course of a conversation on any topic, and decide to ask a least one time "and what do you think about this?" or "what do you like or dislike about xyz?" Another suggestion tries to steer the asd person away from getting stuck on one answer and instead committing to identifying at least two solutions to daily obstacles. This process may allow for the opportunity to ask for input from others, thereby promoting inclusivity amongst his peers.
Anyway, I will try out some of this advice this coming week and see how it goes. Hopefully it doesn't come out sounding completely fake, in other words, I can pull it off. And hopefully some people will start to feel comfortable with me instead of awkward and appalled.
27 Nov 2022, 6:21 pm
