Where do you struggle with dating?

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Everything. I struggle with everything about dating. I never know what to put in my profile, how much and what do I share about myself, what do I say to the other person to both get and hold their attention as well as not look like a complete loser who is desperate.

I struggle with my own apparently "too high" standards and my own unwillingness to accept anything lower than what I think is ideal for me.

I never know how the other person will respond, so that's a struggle.

I'm fearful of getting scammed, so I have to struggle with that. I often don't trust, so I sometimes go in with a bit more defensiveness than maybe I should.

Then there's competition, "Am I good enough?", seeing other men who are OBVIOUSLY "better" at it than I am.

And finally, my own gut suspicion that women today don't really care about love. They only want a guy if he's super successful at a job, better yet HAS a job AND LOTS of money, so she can leech off of him for handbags, jewelry and other things like that. I can't help but feel like a poor, unemployed man will never have any chance, no matter how hard he tries or how well-crafted his moves are. Women don't let themselves fall in love with a guy if they discover he isn't "gainfully employed", doesn't have money or any of what they think he should have. It's like his personality and good manners ain't worth a damn. Faithfulness doesn't count, in fact they seem to LIKE a man who is a cheater and a player because he's "sexier" than the unemployed dude who is a rock-solid partner otherwise.

I sometimes even struggle with the concept of dating itself!

Being prone to having an openly, sometimes hostile, opinion of life and the universe around me doesn't help me, but I also have my reasons for being this way. I don't mean that as a personal attack, it's really just my means of venting frustration with my own place in it. And being in my 40s adds further disadvantage because the older I get, the less likely I'll find my "desired one". Which may be completely moot anyway if one doesn't exist for me in the first place.

completely unaware of social thingamajigs- the usual. to the point where I wish i could make a list of how to be a good relationship-haver. The line between platonic and romantic is blurry and confusing for me. I'm sometimes crippilngly insecure and girls just don't really like me in that way- sure, on the outside I make a good friend, but I'm not relationship material; I don't know if it's my personality or the fact that I'm trans or if they're queer but not for women etc. All my life it's been no's, except for a one-date kiss one time. I'm trying to reach out to find someone so I'm not so depressingly lonely but no luck so far. I would kill to be loved and cherished in that way. I feel so alone. I don't care about family or friends- that love means nothing to me because it doesn't alleviate the loneliness. I don't care about money or if their parents would hate me or anything. I just want to be a girl(optional)'s girlfriend.

- sensory
- alexithymia
- having to speak or express emotions
- adapting my emotions to meet theirs
- change of routine
- agoraphobia

^Well....that's normal stuff! i don't mind normal stuff.....

Most people are "$40 short on their light bill."

If I was single my only problem I'd have with getting would be because I don't make much of an effort with my appearance, or that all the guys I like are married and all the guys that like me aren't my type.

That's the issues I had before I met my boyfriend.

Meg from The Big Chill:

"They're either married or gay. And if they're not gay, they've just broken up with the most wonderful woman in the world, or they've just broken up with a b***h who looks exactly like me. They're in transition from a monogamous relationship and they need more space. Or they're tired of space, but they just can't commit. Or they want to commit, but they're afraid to get close. They want to get close, but you don't want to get near them."

Yep....stuff from 1983 apply to 2023....it's really no different, in essence.

Yup - like they say, the good ones are either married or gay. Perhaps I'd add cheaters to the list.

In this context, is 'dating' the same as 'the process of getting a romantic partner'? Or is it a specific scenario within the larger context?

I don't think I ever dated as such. I met my wife in a university laboratory, and no, I did not make her in a test tube.