Do you get "projected threats" from others?

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I think sometimes they're sincere warnings, other times scaremongering. One test would be to ignore the advice and see what happens. But that could be risky if what was supposed to happen was very bad. It's a bit like that card game where you can call their bluff if you don't believe them, at your own risk.

I like the idea of inquiring into the supposed threat, asking the advisor to elaborate and substantiate the advice, though a lot of people are strangely touchy about their assertions being questioned - don't know why they can't just explain themselves if they're so sure they were being honest and correct, but there does seem to be something else going on, I think sometimes people are right but they get strangely ruffled by questions and don't answer properly. So you might still not know.

You could instead make independent inquiries, such as asking the people who are supposed to be the threat, but that too might push them into a corner, e.g. "x says if I do this then you'll ostracise me, is that right?" Again, I don't quite see why they can't just give a straight answer, but I guess they might think it socially unwise to be so honest, what with society being rather dependent on a veneer of schmooze. Might help to ask them in private, or ask somebody less involved in the situation, somebody who seems more likely to give an honest and knowledgeable answer.

I haven't had much trouble with "projected threats" myself. There was a time at work when somebody a tad higher up in the food chain warned me that the head of department was disappointed with my performance not long after I'd been promoted. It was about me not cracking the whip at my underlings and thus allowing the place to go to the dogs, he reckoned. I don't do slave driving (on moral grounds), so I ignored his warnings. Not long afterward the HOD did indeed send for me and demanded to see all my records, so I showed him them. The work was as up-to-date as anybody could reasonably desire, and he said they weren't anything like so bad as he'd been told they were. Best guess, my advisor had bad-mouthed me to the HOD. I got a glowing reference from the HOD later on. My advisor wasn't overall a bad man by any means, but he had a nasty streak and there was sometimes a clash of personalities and ideologies.

The OP would have to give us examples of specific things that happened.



But from what he has told us it sounds like there is no malice on either side (neither he nor the folks giving him these warnings) are acting in malice. So the OP has nothing to complain about. He is a socially clumsy autistic who accidently rubs folks the wrong way. And most folks are nice enough to NOT kick his ass for it, and are nice enough to inform him that if they were not so nice they would kick his ass (or if they were powerful they would fire him).

The OP even stated that he HAS felt the hard hand of folks reacting to his social ineptitude (ie that he HAS experinced the consequences). And obviously doesnt want more consequences.

So I dont see why you have this problem with folks giving you polite coaching. Theyre doing exactly what they should be doing.

If they were 'manipulating' you then what do they get from it? Money? Free labor? If they were just sadistically amusing themselves then it would probably be MORE amusing to them to...actually beat the crap out of you!

I know for sure they were a narcissist and eventually I lost interest in them. I was besotted at first and we had fun together but their true nature was quickly revealed and I moved on

For me, it would depend. If it was someone who had legitimately good intentions, I'd throw my hands in the air and say: "What difference does it make? No one cares about people's real intentions, anyway. They all just assume!"

But if it was someone who was trolling or intimidating me, I'd flash my Concealed Carry firearm permit, and say: "You couldn't be more right! Why else do you think I applied for this?"

Do you have actual examples, OP?

In my opinion, most of the time, social faux pas don’t deserve an ass-kicking. If the OP is ratting people out, or revealing secrets, that would be a situation where an ass-kicking might be deserved.