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Quantum duck
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Joined: 8 Dec 2022
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08 Dec 2022, 6:45 am

I found this place searching for somewhere to talk to someone because my depression has been extremely bad this week. So I’m sorry but this introduction will be short.

Reading here has helped, so I registered.

I’m 54, I’m a teacher. I’m married and have 3 adult kids and a grandchild.

The last ten? Years people have asked me if/told me I’m on the spectrum. The only traits I’ve ever been tested for are “giftedness” and anemia. My school said I was gifted and put me in an educational grouping that made my social issues worse. My doctor said I was anemic, so now I take iron.

Autism really came to my attention when another teacher told me I had 5 autistic kids in one class, how was that going? I asked which class. Turns out if you want to spot the mainstreamed autistic kids in my school you should just ask me for a list of my favorite students. Then I started reading about girls and autism because I wanted to help one of my students more. Basically everything I read was “oh, that was me.”

Then there are people who tell me I am not autistic, either because 1) they like me and they think being autistic is bad, as in “you aren’t fat!” Or 2) they think I am using it as an excuse Or trivializing the experiences of people with “real problems”

I’m hoping that this is a place where if I say “I really need a shower but I just can’t face being wet.” Someone will get it. And also I can just type and not worry about translating my thoughts into something that won’t be taken wrong because that is exhausting. And also that if I talk about struggling with depression people won’t just keep saying go get drugs.



kraftiekortie
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08 Dec 2022, 7:22 am

Welcome.

I don’t like shower water, either….but I have to get clean :)

You’re doing pretty good. I’m 61, and never had a kid. I’m retiring as a mere clerk soon.

How old are your kids and grandkid?



Mountain Goat
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08 Dec 2022, 7:55 am

I am kind of in a similar predicament but from a different angle, but all roads eventually led me to autism, so I joined this site a month or two after I was placed on a list to be assessed.
When I am assessed, I will be able to know where I stand.



Quantum duck
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Joined: 8 Dec 2022
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08 Dec 2022, 6:28 pm

Kids range from 26-30. The grandbaby is two. He’s the light of my life.

I have done very well. My Dh is a great catch, but sometimes we struggle to communicate. I have only recently (after 34 years) been willing to insist that just because my viewpoint doesn’t make sense to him doesn’t mean it’s wrong. Too many years of input (from many sources) that I was wrong *because* I was different.

I think being married to me is hard, but he has stuck it out.

Thank you for the greetings.



Double Retired
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08 Dec 2022, 7:19 pm

If you have been professionally assessed to be On the Autism Spectrum and, now that you know what to look for, it makes sense...then you are Autistic. (Congratulations! Welcome to WP!)

Remember that those folk who try to be nice by telling you that you are not Autistic don't know what they are talking about...but probably are trying to be nice. NTs are strange that way. Just discretely roll your eyes because you know better. And maybe have some fun with them...Internet searches for famous historic figures thought to be Autistic turns up some really great people! Just try to sound surprised when you drop a few of those names into the conversation.


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Quantum duck
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08 Dec 2022, 7:52 pm

I have not been professionally assessed. I don’t have any plans to be professionally assessed. I checked “I don’t know” in my profile.

That is how I picked my user name - because I can’t spell Schrodinger’s without looking it up. And because of the thing about “if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, then it must be a duck” so like the cat who is both dead and alive I feel like I am both on and not on the spectrum. I am ok with that.

I am hoping people here will be ok with that too. I just want some people to talk to who make sense to me and I hope I will make sense to them. I am starting to feel better, but even two days ago, when I was crying because I couldn’t find the energy to want to do a thing my brain wanted to do, Dh said I was smiling when I read your posts. Apparently most of the time I look blank when I am reading.



autisticelders
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09 Dec 2022, 6:41 am

didn't even begin to think about it being autism, even though I had all sorts of contact and experience with autistic kids, friends and in the work I did for 40 years or so... never crossed my mind. I began to wonder around age 65 when my daughter suggested I should explore the possibility. Diagnosed formally at age 68, I'm now 71. What a life changing thing diagnosis has been. Better understanding of my past and answers to almost all the painful "whys", better self understanding and understanding of others, found many better ways to "do life" once I understood my neurology and its strengths and weaknesses. Take your time and sort it out. Practice your best self care. I found diagnosis was a huge relief. There was an explanation for all my failures, my misunderstandings, my being bullied and abused. Autism had is way all those years without anybody suspecting. Everything was not , after all, "all my fault" as I had been taught and felt about myself all those years.
welcome, glad you are with us!

Best of all, I learned we are not alone, but that many others will understand and may offer insights and suggestions.


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jimmy m
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09 Dec 2022, 11:00 am

Welcome to Wrong Planet. It sounds like you are in the right place.

There are several different types of autism. One falls in the category called Asperger's Syndrome or Aspies for short. They tend to be highly intelligent people (high IQs), but that can still place them in high stress modes.

So let us talk about stress. Stress builds up in the body. It grows and grows and grows and then finally reaches a breaking point and we explode. Most neurotypicals (NTs) have a way to relieve this stress. They experience less stress than Aspies and they also found a mechanism to eliminate this stress. This is accomplished with exercise. Some forms of exercise are very good at eliminating stress. One example of this form of exercise is RUNNING THE 50 YARD DASH at full speed. Do this around 10 times in a row with a little rest in-between, and your stress should melt away.

[Unfortunately as we age, this method of stress relief can be more difficult to do.]

Also - if you are an Aspie, don't be too concerned or depressed about it. You have a skill set that is quite unique and allows you to see life from an absolutely good perspective. All you have to do is learn to believe in yourself and your skill set.


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AnonymousAnonymous
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09 Dec 2022, 6:16 pm

Welcome to Wrong Planet! :)


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Quantum duck
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09 Dec 2022, 8:11 pm

Hi everyone!

jimmy m, I definitely do not run! I used to swim, but somehow after Covid closed the pool I filled up the time.

I don’t find the idea of being on the spectrum depressing - some of my favorite people are on the spectrum.

I think the depression is mostly biochemical - and tied to day length and light levels - SAD but once it starts, the voices in my head - the ones with astronomical standards that tell me I’m a failure at everything and take no excuses - get going, and I spiral. I don’t know if those voices are a spectrum thing or a me thing, but my attempts to explain to people what is going on in my head definitely run into a communication wall. And the definitely NT people around me just keep telling me to take drugs and get exasperated with me when I refuse and tell them I don’t want to change the way my brain works because I like the way my brain works, and I like who I am and I don’t want to be a person who thinks not living up to my standards is ok, I just want to not feel like crap so I can do better. And I definitely don’t want to be on drugs all the time because they are supposed to “even you out” and I refuse to give up the super good days! Plus side effects.

Today was a really good day. It would be even better if I wasn’t so tired from a week of fighting depression. But it’s the first day for a week that I passed 7 p.m.without wanting to go to bed.

I have a really good friend who is diagnosed on the spectrum and gets me and I talked to her on the phone. We agreed that we should get together. Probably in January because we are both spending time with other people we don’t live with almost every day for the rest of the month and need to guard our free days.

Tomorrow is a free day. I can stay home all day and not wear uncomfortable articles of clothing or shower or brush my hair. I can focus on just the things that interest me and not talk to anyone. Yay!