Anyone else dating or have dated someone on the spectrum?

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nick007
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Joined: 4 May 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Male
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Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in the police state called USA

14 Dec 2022, 3:35 am

I met my 2nd & 3rd(current) girlfriend on this forum. My 2nd was autistic & my current may or may not be but she has lots of overlapping issues. I never did the dating thing with anyone thou. I have various physical & mental issues besides autism & normal nondisabled NTs tend to NOT understand me nor want to give me half a chance for a relationship.

My 1st gf had dyslexia & ADHD & I'm also dyslexic & I have ADD. We met on a forum for a common interest. She was the 1st person I really connected with & she became my best friend before our relationship was romantic. I probably shouldn't go into why we broke up in this thread.

I met my 2nd on this forum after making LOTS & LOTS of desperate, lonely, & frustrated posts ad nauseam :oops: She was 19 & I was 28. My personality within a romantic relationship is kinda the opposite of the stereotypical Aspie. I love spending alot of time with my partner & I really like women who are clingy, needy, & codependent. My 2nd gf was more like the stereotypical Aspie & wanted more time & space to herself. She also had a high desire to be independent whereas being very independent is NOT in the cards for me. She wanted to train service dogs & was in college taking courses related to disability things. I unconsciously felt kinda like a special project to her. Our relationship was long distance & woulda had to remain so for the next couple years due to her being in college & being financially dependent on her parents. Her parents were very traditional & wanted the relationship on their terms; like we wouldn't be able to be alone together even thou she was living in her own apartment :wall: I was living with my parents at the time. I was & still am on Social Security Disability & my income is NOT enough for me to buy or rent a place myself on top of other expenses. The distance & other things were very frustrating for me & I acted out & took things out on her. She had to break up with me & I should not blame her for that.

My current gf read alot of my posts on here for a while & sent me a PM shortly after my 2nd breakup. Cass joined this forum cuz she has a brother who's been diagnosed with Aspergers since he was little & she wanted to understand him better. Cass has lots of various issues but kinda fell through the cracks due to the focus on her brother & autistic girls tending to be overlooked. Cass is disabled but has other benefits including housing assistance. She tried living alone for a year & could NOT handle it. She was kinda expecting to move back in with her parents but hated the idea due to their house falling apart. She thought I might be more accepting & understanding of her than most others would be since I have various issues myself & I worked hard to overcome some of them. I think being supportive is one of my biggest relationship strengths thou I do NOT go about it the typical NT way. I'm much more logical, direct, & straightforward. I also talk about my experiences as a way of relating & hope others can find something useful in the process. Having me move in with her was a good alternative. She has more independent living skills than me but kinda needs someone home with her even if we're in different rooms doing our own things. We've had alot of problems at times but we've tried to work on things together as well as working on ourselves & we get along a lot better.

I really like reading these kinds of threads :D Sometimes people don't entertain the idea of being with someone who has issues or similar issues. Sometimes people give up trying to have a relationship when they might have positive luck if they tried a different approach. I hope we can help someone have a different perspective that helps them get a positive relationship.


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