Feeling manic after long conversations

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PhosphorusDecree
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12 Dec 2022, 7:39 pm

This is a problem I've been having more and more lately. Any day when I happen to have a long conversation, I end up hyperactive and distracted with my concentration shot, and can't get to sleep until hours after I need to. Doesn't matter if it's in person, on the phone or videocall; friends, family or someone else. Even a pleasant or uneventful conversation has this effect. And unfortunately most of my friends can talk for England.


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IsabellaLinton
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12 Dec 2022, 8:25 pm

I'm sorry to hear that. Maybe it's the physical exhaustion of speaking, listening, and trying to think / process at the same time. It's overwhelming to do so much at once even if you aren't consciously masking, and even if you enjoy the conversation. It might be from the change of routine or a shot of adrenaline, combined with feeling self-aware or self-conscious. Just guessing.

I'm much the same way. I've pretty much given up on conversations including written ones and PM because I just can't keep the groove. I'm so burnt from socialising with three people on the weekend, I haven't been able to speak since and my emotions are all over the map. I nearly fainted an hour ago and I'm so impatient I could easily have a meltdown.

Be kind to yourself and know it's going to be OK.


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Joe90
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12 Dec 2022, 11:00 pm

I thought most people were like that. When my NT aunt went out with her work friends one time, she came home very hyper and upbeat, and no she didn't have a drop of alcohol because she was the designated driver and has always been heavily against drink-driving, plus she's never been a drinker anyway.

Sometimes socialising cheers you up I suppose. It does me. I always thought social exhaustion meant wanting to be quietly alone, being unable to speak, wanting to sleep, stimming more, etc. I've never felt like that after socialising. I always feel like I want to talk more after a social event. Even if I've been depressed, having a chat with other people I like always makes me feel more energetic and happier.


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13 Dec 2022, 12:42 am

I've only noticed that kind of thing when I've been with people I'm scared of offending - which unfortunately means most people I see these days. I suspect it's been one of the lasting ill effects of the diagnosis, the knowledge that I'm likely to annoy people without meaning to because of the social ineptitude thing. Prolonged anxiety is the result, and so a long conversation can drain me. Before being diagnosed I didn't feel particularly at risk of making social blunders so I was usually relatively stress-free. But even these days, I'm not so stressed at all if it's one-on-one with somebody I feel is on my wavelength.



Dear_one
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13 Dec 2022, 1:26 am

I have learned to ration my human interaction to an average of an hour per day, and avoid high doses. I have been known to use an egg timer or other device to remind people of how much they are dominating the conversation. Sometimes, I'm tempted to sum up many paragraphs with a short sentence, rather sarcastically confirming they at least had my attention.



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13 Dec 2022, 1:43 am

I am the same. I often have to lie down with my head under a pillow for a few hours after social engagement. I am more aware of this now and so I have a better understanding of when I need to stop. I think my ADHD side, who really likes intense interesting conversation, pushes me into these situations. I have to also be kind to the autistic side who gets really freaked out with too much social contact.


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13 Dec 2022, 11:52 am

Happens to me often, particularly if the conversations are highly interesting and a lot of creative ideas are being generated.

It's especially a problem when I have meetings in the evening (I'm on the board of a non-profit in a special interest area.) It takes me hours sometimes to wind down enough to sleep.

I think of it as social and cognitive overstimulation.



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13 Dec 2022, 12:51 pm

If the conversation is stimulating, at least I gain some ideas. More often I have to endure rambling, repetitious, half-baked presentations that are just frustrating. In one group, an old lady was planning to buy a camera, so I asked what she wanted to photograph. She went on for over five minutes before coming out with "trees." I stopped trying to help.
I have to pay attention in case something gets said, but the third time I focus in and get led back around to the same point I want to scream in frustration. People seem to have no idea that others' time is valuable, or else revel in the attention, imagining it is pleasing.
In school, I learned how to daydream all day, but with the ability to recall a question if my name got tagged on the end, at which point I would verbalize what I'd read on the topic. I think that I'd rather just read the script than watch most informative videos.



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13 Dec 2022, 4:19 pm

I just feel exhausted.


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autisticelders
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14 Dec 2022, 5:52 am

I am not sure its manic, I am upset after any interaction of more than a few words because of how hard it is to work to understand and have a proper response, even more intense if it is something that is important for my welfare (work gatherings, interviews, that sort of thing). Even with people who know and understand me, it is still very hard work to have "real time" conversations and interactions. Very difficult indeed. Very stressful!

I think in me it is an anxiety response and the re-working of things said, somebody's tone of voice or gestures or expressions is me still trying to process what would come to a neurotypical person whose understanding is natural and easy and instinctive.

For many of us, like me, who is left behind in almost any "real time" interactions, such things take a lot of hard work . Anxiety is a natural outcome of my autism disability/processing struggles. Maybe that is true for you too?


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LeafyGenes
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14 Dec 2022, 2:39 pm

PhosphorusDecree I have the same effect. I can't sleep after socialising even if nothing big (for me) happens.
I can spend most of a day talking to my husband and that doesn't keep me awake so I guess it is new people and new ideas that are the issue.

I am guessing the answer is to socialise in a very controlled way - same group, same intervals, same length. I don't lie awake after social events that have become routine. This becomes more possible as you get older and there is less spontaneity, if not in you, in those of your age group. Less excitement, for sure, but I think making friends is a question of seeing the same, apparently boring, people often and building trust by virtue of not having creating any drama for them over a long period of time. It's natural for natural affection to build up. It is looking for "that special fantastic person" that has caused all my problems in life.

Other adults are potential playmates, not potential parents.

I guess I am saying, I hope you won't just assume this is carved in stone with you. Get curious about the wiggle room.


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14 Dec 2022, 3:06 pm

PhosphorusDecree wrote:
This is a problem I've been having more and more lately. Any day when I happen to have a long conversation, I end up hyperactive and distracted with my concentration shot, and can't get to sleep until hours after I need to. Doesn't matter if it's in person, on the phone or videocall; friends, family or someone else. Even a pleasant or uneventful conversation has this effect. And unfortunately most of my friends can talk for England.
You are getting overly exhausted from the conversations. It's too much stimuli for your brain to handle. Your brain isn't able to process all that information efficiently so it's short circuiting.


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14 Dec 2022, 4:42 pm

skibum wrote:
PhosphorusDecree wrote:
This is a problem I've been having more and more lately. Any day when I happen to have a long conversation, I end up hyperactive and distracted with my concentration shot, and can't get to sleep until hours after I need to. Doesn't matter if it's in person, on the phone or videocall; friends, family or someone else. Even a pleasant or uneventful conversation has this effect. And unfortunately most of my friends can talk for England.
You are getting overly exhausted from the conversations. It's too much stimuli for your brain to handle. Your brain isn't able to process all that information efficiently so it's short circuiting.


^ That's what it is for me. Too much too process. I can be around people I enjoy, discussing things I find delightful, and still be all worked up afterwards. It's just too much more often than not. I find I do better and need less recover time if I'm already in a low stress headspace and have had several days relaxing alone at home before the being social stuff.



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14 Dec 2022, 5:02 pm

It sounds like it could be burnout from all the socializing. Last year, I was volunteering full time and living in a house with six roommates. I liked it all, but I often got a sense of being tired/wired after prolonged socializing. Like the regulative part of my brain was fizzled out, and that made it hard to concentrate or sleep. After some rest and downtime things would get better.

It's no problem in itself, a lot of people experience it. Is there a change in your work/sleep/eating habits or anything going on in your life or social circle that might make it more frequent right now?


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14 Dec 2022, 5:05 pm

Honestly, I HATE tedious conversations, but a great stimulating conversation about something I care about?

And the adrenaline rush? I feel like that cartoon of a Tasmanian devil, that's whirling around.

So many parts of my brain are just lighting up and making connections and bloody hell... the adrenaline is what keeps me overthinking and overanalysing and being way more hyper than I should be.

It's funny, I've been away from WP for like 4 years now... I forgot how comforting and validating it can be to talk in these forums :heart:


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