A lot easier to find love if your gay?

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The sun doesn’t rise.

The earth rotates.

I just thought I’d point that out since this thread is already off topic.

I just don't feel that relaying statistics is going to help a person who is having trouble finding love. What helps is the notion that they are worthy human beings, too, and deserve, as much as an NT, to find love and satisfaction.

I am autistic. I know what "alienation" feels like. I guess I've been lucky. I've been able, many times, to "get in the side door." I wouldn't have been successful had I followed a conventional path towards finding love and finding employment.

The key, I believe, is finding that "side door." The Civil Service was my "side door."

It "rises" from the perception of a person who lives on Earth.

Of course, the Earth rotates on its axis. And regions of the Earth change their position relative to the Sun through this daily rotation cycle. The Earth rotates once completely on its axis in almost 24 hours.

Last edited by kraftiekortie on 13 Dec 2022, 6:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Whoa. Sorry, bro.

I'm not disputing anyone or anything. I really have no clue whether autistic men have more kids or fewer kids. Kids can be born out of wedlock. Men might not even know they have kids. People can be undiagnosed. People can be excluded from the study. Also, is it worldwide? Is it throughout history or just current times? My brain is detail-oriented so when I asked those questions they were sincere. I wasn't trying to dispute anyone. I'm interested in research methods because I'm retired from a career in research.

Beyond that there's a question of why, whether it's genetic (infertility), social (lack of opportunity), or even economic (can't afford kids) -- although I admit economic is more of a stretch.

I know from my own genetic profile that the genes which caused my autism also cause clotting disorders and a high rate of miscarriage. I had a miscarriage, I had a very difficult pregnancy (with haemorrhage and premature birth), and I have many blood clotting disorders which have caused strokes. I know my genetics likely make me less fertile or able to have children than people without my genetics. It was the same for the autistic people on my dad's side of the family who had blood clotting disorders, premature babies, and miscarriages or still birth. I don't know if it's the same for men, and of course it's not all autistic men / women either because not all of them have my genetic profile.

As for social -- I know a lot of men on here who have children. My dad clearly had children. My brother had a bio child but it was aborted against his will. I just don't want men thinking they can't have kids for biological reasons, or likewise that no one will love them enough to procreate.

Blame my critical brain for wanting the statistics defined. I wasn't criticising whoever posted it. (I don't even remember who it was.)

That's my biggest pet peeve with a few autistic guys. They don't acknowledge that there is a problem lies within them and just blame the world instead of trying to do something about it. People aren't going to change to suit their needs, unless they are willing to put some work into themselves first. Regardless of sexual preferences

I remember being on a video call with two gay men and a straight man. The straight guy remarked that he would have an easier time if he were gay. We all fell silent for a moment and then there was laughter. It can be fairly tricky to find love when you're gay since the dating pool is significantly smaller. You need to network. Plus there are factors such as homophobia (how can I find out if this person is gay without unintentionally offending them? What if it's unsafe to do so? Do I have an escape plan? How can I ask without directly asking? What if they're not out and want to keep it a secret?) His question was especially tone deaf as one of the gay men had recently been attacked at the time.

A friend of mine is a gay man. He has a tricky time with dating. Men tend to treat him poorly. People sometimes question his identity as a gay man because he isn't that interested in hook-ups. Much to his annoyance.

I knew a bisexual ADHD autistic guy who was very popular with the women and the men. To point where I was the only one in the group who hadn't dated or slept with him. However, the group was heavily neurodivergent and LGBT so that skewed things. Statistically, I guess he should've had a trickier time, but the group was mainly filled with people that either had ADHD, autism or both. I didn't even set out to find such a group, I just unintentionally ended up there. One time we were having a conversation and someone mentioned being neurotypical-passing and I was sat there thinking 'Wait, hold on, you as well? What's going on here?' (I think I'm just oblivious ).

Last edited by Lost_dragon on 13 Dec 2022, 6:34 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Kraftiekortie,

Sorry. I wasn’t responding to you, I just felt the need to provide the expected argument because I thought it was funny.

I have no idea how to increase your odds of finding love or if any orientation gives you better chances. Maybe being attracted to women improves your chances as you age because there are more older women than older men? Bisexuality increases your options? I went with “be female, find a straight guy who is miserable and make him happy. Do this while you are both young and get married and have kids before it occurs to him that you might not be the only person in the world who can make him happy and in fact other people might be easier to live with”.

In sum, it might be easier for a gay man to obtain sexual experiences-----but it's certainly not easier for a gay man to obtain a lasting, quality relationship; in fact, it's probably more difficult.

For a gay woman, in general, it's much more difficult to obtain both sexual experiences and lasting, quality relationships than heterosexual people.

Great answer. ^

I spent 20 years dating three gay men, and watching them transition into gay culture. One is my best friend so I still hear the commentary. My daughter is gay and trying to find her way with relationships. It's very difficult, especially when the world is set up with hetero expectations, and family members either a) introduce you to every gay person they know, thinking that's all that matters, or b) deny your preference and shame you, or introduce you to opposite-sex people. It's hard to find partners when the available pool is smaller and not readily identified. It's similar to the way life is set up for Neurotypical people, and everyone assumes we're all neurotypical.

I can imagine that being gay and ND can leave some people feeling very marginalised, especially in small towns or rural villages. Add in politics and social judgement, and it's even more challenging.

Level of agreement 100%.

You seem like a happy person. Happy people flock together. From your stories it sounds like you've missed some opportunities already, so I'm sure more will come your way.

I bet every person over a certain age has "missed opportunities." I certainly have missed my share....

A kiss does not a relationship make - I've been kissed by a random stranger more than once...Men and women (Apparently I look like a lot of people from the back).

As someone from a small town, I can confirm as much. It's not impossible but it's difficult and usually involves travelling. Definitely easier in the city though. I think you need to know where to look. For instance, there's a gay bar in a city near me but it's no good. However, there's an underground bar that's lesser known which isn't officially a gay bar, but it has enough of a gay scene that it's a pretty good spot to hang out. Word gets around. I know a couple of indie / punk spots that are quite popular within the community. Niche but surprisingly popular. I might have a date coming up, so here's hoping, but if not then oh well. My plan is to move to the city. I don't like living in a small town.

Other than, perhaps, to help them realize that they need a "side door" (as you described it later on in your post) rather than "front door" methods such as today's dating apps or meeting people in bars.


That's important. But even more important is discovering an effective (for oneself) "side door" strategy. As you wrote below:


The Civil Service was your "side door" for finding employment. What were your "side doors" for finding relationships?

Dating is easier for attractive people regardless of their sexual orientation. If you're consistently ranked an 8+ on the 1/10 looksscale, then it doesn't matter if you're gay, straight, bisexual, etc... Finding partners shouldn't be too difficult.