Would this be a blow to your self esteem in a relationship?

Post Reply New Topic

If you are a man who is self conscious of his looks do you agree that it is a real blow to your confidence when your female partner is receiving all the compliments about her appearance and you are not? Don’t get me wrong a lot of men would be very proud if others think there wife/girlfriend is beautiful but maybe some guys might get jealous.

It just seems unless you’re an incredibly handsome man all eyes will be on your partner.

Absolutely not - it would just prove what I already know about my partner. (and WTF do I care if someone looks?). If a look destroys a relationship - there wasn't much of a relationship to begin with.

I would be glad that I'm not getting the attention. I think that most compliments I recieve about my looks are white lies meant to make me feel good or just random polite chit-chat. I also hate being the center of attention in general.

I guess this assumes the looker respects the boundaries of another’s relationship. I assume people have game plays set for different scenarios. I assume saying “not in the least” is part of a game plan.

Some people put varying amounts of effort into not intruding on another relationship and sometimes it involves whether someone is friends with that person or has respect for that person. I imagine it helps to be too tier and scary.

I don’t think I am wrong. It probably helps to pretend you are top tier and scary or rely on social contracts.

I think I'd actually be flattered - it's a bit of a "nice one, mate" moment!

(Not my partner, but I do have a couple of female friends who are pretty good-looking, while I really am not. I enjoy the double-takes some people give us when they see us hanging out.)

Nope!  Not at all.  In fact, it pleases me when people compliment my wife on her appearance.  She is one of those slim, yet shapely Filipinas who takes care of herself, carries herself well, and almost always has a smile.So?  My avater closely resembles me -- overweight, mostly bald, and what little hair is left on my head is naturally white.  Besides, my wife is also a pastor, so people's eyes are usually on her for a couple of hours every Sunday, Wednesday, and Friday.  During these times, I feel happy that people are ignoring me.

My self-esteem does not depend on my looks or on how many people are looking at me -- I am neither greedy for attention nor obsessed with my appearance.

Wait, if we aren't pretty enough men are embarrassed to be seen with us.

But ... if we're too pretty it's a blow to their self-esteem?

I get what you mean. I have major problems relating to other men sometimes

Can't say I blame ya. ^

What's important to me is that my gf is not embarassed of me & that she's attracted to me on an emotional level & that I'm attracted to her on an emotional level

You're beautiful, Nick.

Simple answer: No.

Any person that feels that way needs to work on their self esteem before being in a relationship. Otherwise, they will be taking their insecurities out on their partner by putting them down to make themselves feel better.

It will be a pretty f****d up relationship.

I can not enumerate all the behaviors of young couples that are designed to indicate to others that there is a pair bond and the partners are off limits.

I know they exist because it is part of Sociology 101. Behavior of young couples is what is programmed into our DNA. The behavior of non reproductive individuals is not replicated.

Here is a proposition: The crux of the female imperative is the desire for females to have sole decision making in deciding who has sex with who.

Perhaps, the actions of young couples speak louder than words for both males and females.

Perhaps, the people who say “it does not matter in the least” are bowing before the female imperative with rhetoric not backed by actions.

Perhaps it is the female imperative to shame challenges to female sexual choice even if the female is within a relationship.

All the while, both males and females are signaling that they are a couple until one of them doesn’t signal that fact. Then, the person on the receiving end is suppose to ignore it especially is they are male because the female imperative is the predominant narrative.

I am not arguing that it should not be the predominant narrative. I am just saying that as an individual it is nice sometimes not to be bamboosaled.

Last edited by JimJohn on 21 Dec 2022, 12:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.

When your girlfriend wears less makeup than you?