What Am I Even Supposed To Do To?

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I think joining a local general mental health support group, or perhaps more specifically a depression support group, would be an excellent idea.

Hopefully you can find a group that meets in-person and not just via Zoom.

Indeed, do NOT mention suicide. Dunno what kind of mandatory reporting laws you have in Australia, but, here in the U.S.A. at least, mentioning suicide to a mental health professional is likely to result in involuntary commitment to a mental hospital.

Yes, that is a good idea as well. I have seen depression support groups in my town, and it isn't that large-100,000 population or so, so if you live in a larger community there are probably more. The number might have increased since the pandemic as well. You would also fit in an anxiety support group as it sounds like you might have a bit of social anxiety as well.

If you have any interest in animals, try volunteering at a local animal shelter. That is supposed to be another way to meet females while doing some good for the community, and it shows them that you are a caring guy.

I've mentioned my suicidality to several mental health professionals without ever being threatened with involuntary commitment.

My reason for deciding not to mention my suicidality is because I perceive that doing so would likely hinder any chance of anyone wanting to date me or set me up with someone, and all I see are potential downsides to mentioning it.

I'll talk about how not being able to date has crushed my spirit, tainted my self-image and made me severely depressed, and I may go on to talk about how there is no prospect of living an enjoyable life if I never get to have a girlfriend, but that's as far as I would elaborate on that train of thought.

What's the point of all these groups when they can be bypassed with a driving licence and semi-decent job?

The need to go to support and drugs groups will become moot when the whole circumstances that makes people go to them become moot.

Getting romantic interest can only come from some sort of confidence and as much as people believe otherwise, confidence needs to be grounded in something.

This entire thread is just people saying "fake it until you make it" in one form or another and it gets people nowhere in both the romantic sense and overall well-being.

The whole point in life is not to go to some sort of narcotic anonymous or mental health support group. They're just stepping stones at absolute best.

Uncommon man, don't let yourself sink into this death spiral. Make compromises when you can for the sake of the bigger picture. Weeks later, life could have been looking better but we're here now with people talking about drug support, animal and mental health groups instead.........

It's tricky getting a semi-decent job and driving licence, especially when you're autisitc but you almost had a semi-decent job which could have lead to a driving licence in addition to it.

29 was when i had a dating breakthough, but 33 was my first long-term relationship, like a year and a half, i know i will forever permanently be bitter and resentful that i didn't have a long-term relationship by my early to mid-20s, makes me feel like i still never escaped inceldom because of that, due to being a late bloomer, makes me feel like still an incel, will always be jealous and envy people who got to date, have relationships before i did. Because it makes me feel i didn't grow up having a normal youth.

I know the feeling. I still feel like I am an Incel at times, even though I am not and married.

I hope you'll find a way to get past that bitterness and resentfulness. As you're probably well aware already, bitterness and resentfulness are likely to be a big turnoff to potential partners.

If you can't just let go of your bitterness and resentfulness, then maybe you could channel them into something constructive, like autistic rights activism, or helping to build the autistic community in some way? You can't undo the past, but maybe you can help make life better for yourself and other autistic people in the future?

By the way, although many more boys than girls are diagnosed with autism, the sex ratio is closer to even among autistic people who are diagnosed as adults -- perhaps because women are more likely than men to be comfortable with seeking things things like psychotherapy and psychological evaluations? Also it seems that women are in the majority among autistic rights activists and autistic community builders. (Many of these are lesbians or asexual, but by no means all are.)

Of course, activism and community-building aren't everyone's cup of tea, but I think they're an option worth considering.


I really hope you'll find some way to leave the toxic (and self-defeating) incel mentality behind. Ditto for your resentment over not having had a "normal youth."

One can be an Incel without having the destructive mentality. Involuntary celibacy is a condition or state one is in, not the mindset that some of these people have. Unfortunately the internet has sought to equate the 2.

No, there are plenty of people with jobs (even very good jobs) and driver's licenses who also attend support groups.

But I do agree that TGI should seek an at least semi-decent job and if possible a driver's license. Obviously, both a job and a driver's license would greatly improve his odds of finding a romantic partner.

Last edited by Mona Pereth on 17 Mar 2023, 2:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.

But then what were you referring to when you wrote the following?


Since you obviously are not currently an incel in the "condition or state one is in" sense of that term, I took the above as meaning that you are still haunted, at least occasionally, by at least some aspects of the destructive mentality associated with the incel subculture. Perhaps I misunderstood?

I'm more into this line of thought. If you are a straight man and you want to attract a straight woman, you should have your act together first. That's a fact of nature. If you are seeking a relationship. After all having your act together is a better condition, with or without a woman. If you don't, then there might be more urgent things to wory than a relationship with a woman. Just my opinion.

There are indeed, but people down on their luck seem to end up in these groups more frequently compared to people with stability in the form of employment and transport needs. Low income and physical isolation are not a good combo but I also don't see the point in glossing over these very real problems to the extent many people are on this thread.

Support groups should be the last thing people mention. I'm honestly surprised people are mentioning "extreme" support groups like narcotic support and not mention the fact a beard trim would have been far better.

Like seriously, this thread is on the topic of suicide now. I don't want to sound insensitive but why has a refusal to trim a beard ending in such an extreme thread?

People here are just watching this self destruction unfold and making recommendations on dealing with the collateral rather than questioning why an opportunity to leave this path was never taken over the sake of a beard trim.

Like I said, I don't want to sound insensitive, but what are you planning on doing Grand? (ooops) I don't understand why you opted to go down this path when you were handed a potential way out (with compromises) and I'm actually a bit "miffed" as they say in the UK as to why you done it.

Last edited by Nades on 17 Mar 2023, 6:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.

i dont know

As crazy as this sounds, I feel like I am still in that state at times, even though it isn't obviously true. Our feelings don't always match up with reality, and I guess some old habits (feelings in this case) can be hard to break.

TGI I meant to say too.

Not quite a "fact of nature" -- it does vary by culture. For example, among Orthodox Jews, women are traditionally expected to be the primary breadwinners.

But, yes, it's certainly a fact of most of the modern Western world.