What Am I Even Supposed To Do To?
23 Dec 2022, 12:22 am
IsabellaLinton wrote:
It must be extra hard for autistic people because the advice of "getting out and doing things" is awkward for us at the best of times. Most of us prefer quiet lives and we don't seek out social events.
Absolutely, and in my case, I'm also dealing with low self-esteem and emotional baggage that compounds on the difficulty of it all. It was easier to get out there in my late teens and early 20s, but the emotional baggage I have around not being able to date is markedly heavier now.
IsabellaLinton wrote:
I know I could never "get out there" to look for a partner even if I wanted to. I was lucky to meet mine in a very unusual way. I'm also lucky he was speaking first because if he hadn't, I wouldn't have known how to start a conversation. That's not because of gender but because of my autistic anxiety.
Yeah, I completely get what you're saying.
It's sad that in my case, it feels like if I don't take it upon myself to initiate conversations and all the rest of it, I'm not going to get anywhere, but initiating conversations is really hard with all this self doubt and low self-esteem stuff. I'm jaded with it all.
23 Dec 2022, 12:25 am
Pepe wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
I feel like I'm just screwed. Destined to suffer with this overwhelming desire for romance and intimacy that I lack the means to fulfill. Falling deeper and deeper into this pit of despair, my self-esteem and confidence continuing to waste away to nothing.
Look for friendship.
From friendship can come romance.
I'd like to, but making female friends doesn't seem much easier as I don't know where to meet women.
The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 32,886
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
23 Dec 2022, 3:16 am
https://twitter.com/_cingraham/status/1 ... 05120?s=21
Thanks to things like Tinder, « alpha males » are getting it all.
23 Dec 2022, 6:47 am
How to get sex and loving female companionship. This worked for me.
WARNING: do your research and be honest to the other person.
Join a church. "But I'm an atheist!" you say? Not a problem. Most people think "church" means "evangelical". Those are just the noisy extremists: avoid them. Healthier churches allow a wide range of nuance. For example, intellectual Catholics or Anglicans or similar will treat "god" as a metaphor. Tolkien is a great example. Or when I was growing up in the 1980s, the Bishop of Durham: he was a very senior Anglican leader who was functionally an atheist. He referred to the resurrection as "conjuring tricks with bones". (Fun fact: after he became bishop, his church was struck by lightning! A coincidence, but a funny one.) America is full of crazy evangelicals. But the best churches (especially in Europe) have space for thinking people. Healthy churches (i.e. not evangelical) are really just social clubs. As long as you can say "there is some kind of force or logic behind the universe" then there is a place for you.
Why join a church? Because most churches today are shrinking. And the men are leaving first. Which means there are more women than men. And most churches are very big on family units, so they urge everybody to get married. So you basically have a lot of single women looking for husbands. This includes children who come to church because they were raised in it. They want to find some way to stay in it, but they are lonely as well. You could be their knight on shining armour. Now this is a very serious commitment: they want lifelong love, not one night stands. They are usually against sex before marriage. But that means you get to talk a lot first. Talking to women is a very good thing. If you join a church and start dating, you will have plenty of time to talk. Talking to women about relationships for a long time is good! The more you talk, the better things will be.
It might seem hypocritical to join a church just to find a relationship, but people do it all the time. My wife is an atheist, and her brother is a lay minister in the Church of Scotland. Before we met, he was encouraging her to join a church to find a partner. It is only evangelicals who join churches to save souls. Most people join for community, and that is what you need. Just avoid the hard line culty churches (mainly evangelical).
In my own case, I grew up as a Mormon. Back then there were 18 single men for every 100 single women - I think the stats are even more extreme now. So I was married soon after my 21st birthday. The down side is that I was young and naive. I was super-Mormon, and that was the basis of our marriage. So when I stopped believing in Mormonism, that was the end of the marriage. That is why I am now remarried to an atheist. I do not recommend becoming a Mormon just to marry! Try a mainstream Anglican or relaxed Catholic type church instead. And do your research!! ! Do not get trapped into a cult, and do not pretend to be more devout than you can be.
The other thing I did that I recommend is to read the old book "How To Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie. It is a classic for a reason. It works. I read that book and it made my first wife fall in love with me. In hindsight that was a mixed blessing! But the point is, it works. The message is simple: LISTEN. Do not talk about yourself, keep steering the coversation back to whatever the girl said. I remember when my first wife fell in love with me. We were on a long bus journey (to a church activity). I had just read the book. So whatever she said, I repeated it back (rephrased) and asked her about it. Read the book to see what I mean. She later said that this she felt I understood her better than anybody she had ever met!! Yet all I did was listen and restate. It's just a technique, but it's simple and it works. Don't ONLY rely on the technique, do your research first. And think if you really want to commit to this person for your whole life. But the technique is the essential first step.
Now in hindsight I should have remained single. But that is easy to say once you are in your fifties and have been married twice. I remember what it felt like to be desperate for love and sex. I am just saying that if regular sex and a loving partner are more important than anything, and if you are willing to do the work, and take the risk, there is a way.
Well that was my experience. Don't know if it helps.
_________________
No longer trapped in hell. Well, not in the lower levels of hell. But I cannot change my username.
23 Dec 2022, 2:34 pm
trappedinhell wrote:
How to get sex and loving female companionship. This worked for me.
WARNING: do your research and be honest to the other person.
Join a church. "But I'm an atheist!" you say? Not a problem. Most people think "church" means "evangelical". Those are just the noisy extremists: avoid them. Healthier churches allow a wide range of nuance. For example, intellectual Catholics or Anglicans or similar will treat "god" as a metaphor. Tolkien is a great example. Or when I was growing up in the 1980s, the Bishop of Durham: he was a very senior Anglican leader who was functionally an atheist. He referred to the resurrection as "conjuring tricks with bones". (Fun fact: after he became bishop, his church was struck by lightning! A coincidence, but a funny one.) America is full of crazy evangelicals. But the best churches (especially in Europe) have space for thinking people. Healthy churches (i.e. not evangelical) are really just social clubs. As long as you can say "there is some kind of force or logic behind the universe" then there is a place for you.
Why join a church? Because most churches today are shrinking. And the men are leaving first. Which means there are more women than men. And most churches are very big on family units, so they urge everybody to get married. So you basically have a lot of single women looking for husbands. This includes children who come to church because they were raised in it. They want to find some way to stay in it, but they are lonely as well. You could be their knight on shining armour. Now this is a very serious commitment: they want lifelong love, not one night stands. They are usually against sex before marriage. But that means you get to talk a lot first. Talking to women is a very good thing. If you join a church and start dating, you will have plenty of time to talk. Talking to women about relationships for a long time is good! The more you talk, the better things will be.
It might seem hypocritical to join a church just to find a relationship, but people do it all the time. My wife is an atheist, and her brother is a lay minister in the Church of Scotland. Before we met, he was encouraging her to join a church to find a partner. It is only evangelicals who join churches to save souls. Most people join for community, and that is what you need. Just avoid the hard line culty churches (mainly evangelical).
In my own case, I grew up as a Mormon. Back then there were 18 single men for every 100 single women - I think the stats are even more extreme now. So I was married soon after my 21st birthday. The down side is that I was young and naive. I was super-Mormon, and that was the basis of our marriage. So when I stopped believing in Mormonism, that was the end of the marriage. That is why I am now remarried to an atheist. I do not recommend becoming a Mormon just to marry! Try a mainstream Anglican or relaxed Catholic type church instead. And do your research!! ! Do not get trapped into a cult, and do not pretend to be more devout than you can be.
The other thing I did that I recommend is to read the old book "How To Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie. It is a classic for a reason. It works. I read that book and it made my first wife fall in love with me. In hindsight that was a mixed blessing! But the point is, it works. The message is simple: LISTEN. Do not talk about yourself, keep steering the coversation back to whatever the girl said. I remember when my first wife fell in love with me. We were on a long bus journey (to a church activity). I had just read the book. So whatever she said, I repeated it back (rephrased) and asked her about it. Read the book to see what I mean. She later said that this she felt I understood her better than anybody she had ever met!! Yet all I did was listen and restate. It's just a technique, but it's simple and it works. Don't ONLY rely on the technique, do your research first. And think if you really want to commit to this person for your whole life. But the technique is the essential first step.
Now in hindsight I should have remained single. But that is easy to say once you are in your fifties and have been married twice. I remember what it felt like to be desperate for love and sex. I am just saying that if regular sex and a loving partner are more important than anything, and if you are willing to do the work, and take the risk, there is a way.
Well that was my experience. Don't know if it helps.
WARNING: do your research and be honest to the other person.
Join a church. "But I'm an atheist!" you say? Not a problem. Most people think "church" means "evangelical". Those are just the noisy extremists: avoid them. Healthier churches allow a wide range of nuance. For example, intellectual Catholics or Anglicans or similar will treat "god" as a metaphor. Tolkien is a great example. Or when I was growing up in the 1980s, the Bishop of Durham: he was a very senior Anglican leader who was functionally an atheist. He referred to the resurrection as "conjuring tricks with bones". (Fun fact: after he became bishop, his church was struck by lightning! A coincidence, but a funny one.) America is full of crazy evangelicals. But the best churches (especially in Europe) have space for thinking people. Healthy churches (i.e. not evangelical) are really just social clubs. As long as you can say "there is some kind of force or logic behind the universe" then there is a place for you.
Why join a church? Because most churches today are shrinking. And the men are leaving first. Which means there are more women than men. And most churches are very big on family units, so they urge everybody to get married. So you basically have a lot of single women looking for husbands. This includes children who come to church because they were raised in it. They want to find some way to stay in it, but they are lonely as well. You could be their knight on shining armour. Now this is a very serious commitment: they want lifelong love, not one night stands. They are usually against sex before marriage. But that means you get to talk a lot first. Talking to women is a very good thing. If you join a church and start dating, you will have plenty of time to talk. Talking to women about relationships for a long time is good! The more you talk, the better things will be.
It might seem hypocritical to join a church just to find a relationship, but people do it all the time. My wife is an atheist, and her brother is a lay minister in the Church of Scotland. Before we met, he was encouraging her to join a church to find a partner. It is only evangelicals who join churches to save souls. Most people join for community, and that is what you need. Just avoid the hard line culty churches (mainly evangelical).
In my own case, I grew up as a Mormon. Back then there were 18 single men for every 100 single women - I think the stats are even more extreme now. So I was married soon after my 21st birthday. The down side is that I was young and naive. I was super-Mormon, and that was the basis of our marriage. So when I stopped believing in Mormonism, that was the end of the marriage. That is why I am now remarried to an atheist. I do not recommend becoming a Mormon just to marry! Try a mainstream Anglican or relaxed Catholic type church instead. And do your research!! ! Do not get trapped into a cult, and do not pretend to be more devout than you can be.
The other thing I did that I recommend is to read the old book "How To Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie. It is a classic for a reason. It works. I read that book and it made my first wife fall in love with me. In hindsight that was a mixed blessing! But the point is, it works. The message is simple: LISTEN. Do not talk about yourself, keep steering the coversation back to whatever the girl said. I remember when my first wife fell in love with me. We were on a long bus journey (to a church activity). I had just read the book. So whatever she said, I repeated it back (rephrased) and asked her about it. Read the book to see what I mean. She later said that this she felt I understood her better than anybody she had ever met!! Yet all I did was listen and restate. It's just a technique, but it's simple and it works. Don't ONLY rely on the technique, do your research first. And think if you really want to commit to this person for your whole life. But the technique is the essential first step.
Now in hindsight I should have remained single. But that is easy to say once you are in your fifties and have been married twice. I remember what it felt like to be desperate for love and sex. I am just saying that if regular sex and a loving partner are more important than anything, and if you are willing to do the work, and take the risk, there is a way.
Well that was my experience. Don't know if it helps.
From what I've heard, a Unitarian church may be a good option for a non-religious person.
24 Dec 2022, 3:01 am
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Interest groups is a common suggestion, but I don't have that many interests that groups are formed around, and the ones that I do have don't tend to attract many women around my age. Online dating has left me feeling worthless when I've tried it, so I'm not keen on putting myself through that again. The only way I'm coming into contact with young women organically at this point is through the trivia nights I co-host, but those women are few and far between, and opportunities for one-on-one interactions are sparse to non-existent.
Maybe you need a new hobby or two?
I would suggest that you explore a variety of recreational activities that are known to attract at least as many women as men, and see if any of those activities strike your fancy.
(Note: Do NOT spend a lot of time on a group activity that you do NOT enjoy, for the sole purpose of meeting women. If you don't enjoy, believe in, or otherwise relate to what the group is doing, then you can't emotionally bond with someone over that activity either.)
_________________
- Autistic in NYC - Resources and new ideas for the autistic adult community in the New York City metro area.
- Autistic peer-led groups (via text-based chat, currently) led or facilitated by members of the Autistic Peer Leadership Group.
- My Twitter / "X" (new as of 2021)
Last edited by Mona Pereth on 24 Dec 2022, 4:01 am, edited 1 time in total.
24 Dec 2022, 3:23 am
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
It's sad that in my case, it feels like if I don't take it upon myself to initiate conversations and all the rest of it, I'm not going to get anywhere, but initiating conversations is really hard with all this self doubt and low self-esteem stuff. I'm jaded with it all.
This is one of the reasons why you need to find a group recreational activity that you can enjoy and that also attracts plenty of women. In such a group, there would be plenty of ready-made stuff to talk about, making it much less work to "initiate conversations."
_________________
- Autistic in NYC - Resources and new ideas for the autistic adult community in the New York City metro area.
- Autistic peer-led groups (via text-based chat, currently) led or facilitated by members of the Autistic Peer Leadership Group.
- My Twitter / "X" (new as of 2021)
24 Dec 2022, 3:31 am
Minder wrote:
From what I've heard, a Unitarian church may be a good option for a non-religious person.
Here is a list of Unitarian/Universalist churches in Australia and New Zealand.
There are also some churchlike groups specifically for atheists. See, for example, Humanists Australia.
_________________
- Autistic in NYC - Resources and new ideas for the autistic adult community in the New York City metro area.
- Autistic peer-led groups (via text-based chat, currently) led or facilitated by members of the Autistic Peer Leadership Group.
- My Twitter / "X" (new as of 2021)
The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 32,886
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
24 Dec 2022, 3:17 pm
06 Jan 2023, 8:33 am
Minder wrote:
trappedinhell wrote:
How to get sex and loving female companionship. This worked for me.
WARNING: do your research and be honest to the other person.
Join a church. "But I'm an atheist!" you say? Not a problem. Most people think "church" means "evangelical". Those are just the noisy extremists: avoid them. Healthier churches allow a wide range of nuance. For example, intellectual Catholics or Anglicans or similar will treat "god" as a metaphor. Tolkien is a great example. Or when I was growing up in the 1980s, the Bishop of Durham: he was a very senior Anglican leader who was functionally an atheist. He referred to the resurrection as "conjuring tricks with bones". (Fun fact: after he became bishop, his church was struck by lightning! A coincidence, but a funny one.) America is full of crazy evangelicals. But the best churches (especially in Europe) have space for thinking people. Healthy churches (i.e. not evangelical) are really just social clubs. As long as you can say "there is some kind of force or logic behind the universe" then there is a place for you.
Why join a church? Because most churches today are shrinking. And the men are leaving first. Which means there are more women than men. And most churches are very big on family units, so they urge everybody to get married. So you basically have a lot of single women looking for husbands. This includes children who come to church because they were raised in it. They want to find some way to stay in it, but they are lonely as well. You could be their knight on shining armour. Now this is a very serious commitment: they want lifelong love, not one night stands. They are usually against sex before marriage. But that means you get to talk a lot first. Talking to women is a very good thing. If you join a church and start dating, you will have plenty of time to talk. Talking to women about relationships for a long time is good! The more you talk, the better things will be.
It might seem hypocritical to join a church just to find a relationship, but people do it all the time. My wife is an atheist, and her brother is a lay minister in the Church of Scotland. Before we met, he was encouraging her to join a church to find a partner. It is only evangelicals who join churches to save souls. Most people join for community, and that is what you need. Just avoid the hard line culty churches (mainly evangelical).
In my own case, I grew up as a Mormon. Back then there were 18 single men for every 100 single women - I think the stats are even more extreme now. So I was married soon after my 21st birthday. The down side is that I was young and naive. I was super-Mormon, and that was the basis of our marriage. So when I stopped believing in Mormonism, that was the end of the marriage. That is why I am now remarried to an atheist. I do not recommend becoming a Mormon just to marry! Try a mainstream Anglican or relaxed Catholic type church instead. And do your research!! ! Do not get trapped into a cult, and do not pretend to be more devout than you can be.
The other thing I did that I recommend is to read the old book "How To Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie. It is a classic for a reason. It works. I read that book and it made my first wife fall in love with me. In hindsight that was a mixed blessing! But the point is, it works. The message is simple: LISTEN. Do not talk about yourself, keep steering the coversation back to whatever the girl said. I remember when my first wife fell in love with me. We were on a long bus journey (to a church activity). I had just read the book. So whatever she said, I repeated it back (rephrased) and asked her about it. Read the book to see what I mean. She later said that this she felt I understood her better than anybody she had ever met!! Yet all I did was listen and restate. It's just a technique, but it's simple and it works. Don't ONLY rely on the technique, do your research first. And think if you really want to commit to this person for your whole life. But the technique is the essential first step.
Now in hindsight I should have remained single. But that is easy to say once you are in your fifties and have been married twice. I remember what it felt like to be desperate for love and sex. I am just saying that if regular sex and a loving partner are more important than anything, and if you are willing to do the work, and take the risk, there is a way.
Well that was my experience. Don't know if it helps.
WARNING: do your research and be honest to the other person.
Join a church. "But I'm an atheist!" you say? Not a problem. Most people think "church" means "evangelical". Those are just the noisy extremists: avoid them. Healthier churches allow a wide range of nuance. For example, intellectual Catholics or Anglicans or similar will treat "god" as a metaphor. Tolkien is a great example. Or when I was growing up in the 1980s, the Bishop of Durham: he was a very senior Anglican leader who was functionally an atheist. He referred to the resurrection as "conjuring tricks with bones". (Fun fact: after he became bishop, his church was struck by lightning! A coincidence, but a funny one.) America is full of crazy evangelicals. But the best churches (especially in Europe) have space for thinking people. Healthy churches (i.e. not evangelical) are really just social clubs. As long as you can say "there is some kind of force or logic behind the universe" then there is a place for you.
Why join a church? Because most churches today are shrinking. And the men are leaving first. Which means there are more women than men. And most churches are very big on family units, so they urge everybody to get married. So you basically have a lot of single women looking for husbands. This includes children who come to church because they were raised in it. They want to find some way to stay in it, but they are lonely as well. You could be their knight on shining armour. Now this is a very serious commitment: they want lifelong love, not one night stands. They are usually against sex before marriage. But that means you get to talk a lot first. Talking to women is a very good thing. If you join a church and start dating, you will have plenty of time to talk. Talking to women about relationships for a long time is good! The more you talk, the better things will be.
It might seem hypocritical to join a church just to find a relationship, but people do it all the time. My wife is an atheist, and her brother is a lay minister in the Church of Scotland. Before we met, he was encouraging her to join a church to find a partner. It is only evangelicals who join churches to save souls. Most people join for community, and that is what you need. Just avoid the hard line culty churches (mainly evangelical).
In my own case, I grew up as a Mormon. Back then there were 18 single men for every 100 single women - I think the stats are even more extreme now. So I was married soon after my 21st birthday. The down side is that I was young and naive. I was super-Mormon, and that was the basis of our marriage. So when I stopped believing in Mormonism, that was the end of the marriage. That is why I am now remarried to an atheist. I do not recommend becoming a Mormon just to marry! Try a mainstream Anglican or relaxed Catholic type church instead. And do your research!! ! Do not get trapped into a cult, and do not pretend to be more devout than you can be.
The other thing I did that I recommend is to read the old book "How To Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie. It is a classic for a reason. It works. I read that book and it made my first wife fall in love with me. In hindsight that was a mixed blessing! But the point is, it works. The message is simple: LISTEN. Do not talk about yourself, keep steering the coversation back to whatever the girl said. I remember when my first wife fell in love with me. We were on a long bus journey (to a church activity). I had just read the book. So whatever she said, I repeated it back (rephrased) and asked her about it. Read the book to see what I mean. She later said that this she felt I understood her better than anybody she had ever met!! Yet all I did was listen and restate. It's just a technique, but it's simple and it works. Don't ONLY rely on the technique, do your research first. And think if you really want to commit to this person for your whole life. But the technique is the essential first step.
Now in hindsight I should have remained single. But that is easy to say once you are in your fifties and have been married twice. I remember what it felt like to be desperate for love and sex. I am just saying that if regular sex and a loving partner are more important than anything, and if you are willing to do the work, and take the risk, there is a way.
Well that was my experience. Don't know if it helps.
From what I've heard, a Unitarian church may be a good option for a non-religious person.
Thank you both for the idea. I've checked out the website for the Universalist Unitarian Church in my area, and it seems like somewhere I could fit in as an atheist. I'm sceptical about there being women there whom I could date, but that describes how I feel about pretty much everywhere, so that's probably just my brain trying to come up with an excuse not to try it. In spite of that, I intend to give it a go.
06 Jan 2023, 9:15 am
Mona Pereth wrote:
Maybe you need a new hobby or two?
I would suggest that you explore a variety of recreational activities that are known to attract at least as many women as men, and see if any of those activities strike your fancy.
(Note: Do NOT spend a lot of time on a group activity that you do NOT enjoy, for the sole purpose of meeting women. If you don't enjoy, believe in, or otherwise relate to what the group is doing, then you can't emotionally bond with someone over that activity either.)
I would suggest that you explore a variety of recreational activities that are known to attract at least as many women as men, and see if any of those activities strike your fancy.
(Note: Do NOT spend a lot of time on a group activity that you do NOT enjoy, for the sole purpose of meeting women. If you don't enjoy, believe in, or otherwise relate to what the group is doing, then you can't emotionally bond with someone over that activity either.)
Yeah, valid points.
I think the best metric to determine whether or not a group is a good idea to try is if I can imagine myself being happy to continue doing that activity after meeting a partner.
As much as I complain about how hard it is to meet people, there are more avenues out there than I'm using, and I'm often too quick to look for reasons to shoot down suggestions. This is because I've had a really rough time with wanting to date and not being able to, and it's caused me to perceive myself as someone women will not want to date.
I need to be meeting people somehow in order to have a chance of establishing a romantic connection, but the prospect of going out, meeting people and trying to make a good impression isn't very appealing when I feel this way about myself and how I'm perceived by women. This is all on top of some typical ASD challenges with unfamiliar social groups.
Nonetheless, I have to try something. I'm going to be signing up for dance lessons, which is probably a good idea on multiple levels. I wish I was going into it more confident with myself and my body, but at least I'm giving myself a chance at making connections.
06 Jan 2023, 9:24 am
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Yeah, dating apps can be pretty brutal. If I tried online dating again, I'd be trying with very low expectations, and probably trying to appeal to a niche of women who would appreciate my qualities rather than trying to create a more broadly appealing profile.
06 Jan 2023, 11:21 am
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Mona Pereth wrote:
Maybe you need a new hobby or two?
I would suggest that you explore a variety of recreational activities that are known to attract at least as many women as men, and see if any of those activities strike your fancy.
(Note: Do NOT spend a lot of time on a group activity that you do NOT enjoy, for the sole purpose of meeting women. If you don't enjoy, believe in, or otherwise relate to what the group is doing, then you can't emotionally bond with someone over that activity either.)
I would suggest that you explore a variety of recreational activities that are known to attract at least as many women as men, and see if any of those activities strike your fancy.
(Note: Do NOT spend a lot of time on a group activity that you do NOT enjoy, for the sole purpose of meeting women. If you don't enjoy, believe in, or otherwise relate to what the group is doing, then you can't emotionally bond with someone over that activity either.)
Yeah, valid points.
I think the best metric to determine whether or not a group is a good idea to try is if I can imagine myself being happy to continue doing that activity after meeting a partner.
As much as I complain about how hard it is to meet people, there are more avenues out there than I'm using, and I'm often too quick to look for reasons to shoot down suggestions. This is because I've had a really rough time with wanting to date and not being able to, and it's caused me to perceive myself as someone women will not want to date.
I need to be meeting people somehow in order to have a chance of establishing a romantic connection, but the prospect of going out, meeting people and trying to make a good impression isn't very appealing when I feel this way about myself and how I'm perceived by women. This is all on top of some typical ASD challenges with unfamiliar social groups.
Nonetheless, I have to try something. I'm going to be signing up for dance lessons, which is probably a good idea on multiple levels. I wish I was going into it more confident with myself and my body, but at least I'm giving myself a chance at making connections.
That sounds like a good idea. Dancing is great practice for making yourself more socially comfortable.
Last edited by Minder on 06 Jan 2023, 2:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.
06 Jan 2023, 2:27 pm
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Yeah, dating apps can be pretty brutal. If I tried online dating again, I'd be trying with very low expectations, and probably trying to appeal to a niche of women who would appreciate my qualities rather than trying to create a more broadly appealing profile.
Indeed, this sounds to me like a much wiser way to use dating apps. Let your freak flag fly and don't waste any time with the normies.
_________________
- Autistic in NYC - Resources and new ideas for the autistic adult community in the New York City metro area.
- Autistic peer-led groups (via text-based chat, currently) led or facilitated by members of the Autistic Peer Leadership Group.
- My Twitter / "X" (new as of 2021)
07 Jan 2023, 4:31 am
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
I think the best metric to determine whether or not a group is a good idea to try is if I can imagine myself being happy to continue doing that activity after meeting a partner.
Yes, excellent metric!
If and when you meet a partner, the activity could then be an ongoing source of mutual friends.
_________________
- Autistic in NYC - Resources and new ideas for the autistic adult community in the New York City metro area.
- Autistic peer-led groups (via text-based chat, currently) led or facilitated by members of the Autistic Peer Leadership Group.
- My Twitter / "X" (new as of 2021)
07 Jan 2023, 4:04 pm
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Yeah, dating apps can be pretty brutal. If I tried online dating again, I'd be trying with very low expectations, and probably trying to appeal to a niche of women who would appreciate my qualities rather than trying to create a more broadly appealing profile.
Sounds like a plan.
