What Am I Even Supposed To Do To?

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I feel like I'm just screwed. Destined to suffer with this overwhelming desire for romance and intimacy that I lack the means to fulfill. Falling deeper and deeper into this pit of despair, my self-esteem and confidence continuing to waste away to nothing.

I don’t understand why it has to be so hard to meet someone. It breaks my heart and makes me feel so undesirable and worthless that I'm 26 years old and I've never had a girlfriend. Why should it change? What can I even do?

I don't even know where I could go to come into contact with women in their 20s, let alone women who would potentially be compatible with me. Interest groups is a common suggestion, but I don't have that many interests that groups are formed around, and the ones that I do have don't tend to attract many women around my age. Online dating has left me feeling worthless when I've tried it, so I'm not keen on putting myself through that again. The only way I'm coming into contact with young women organically at this point is through the trivia nights I co-host, but those women are few and far between, and opportunities for one-on-one interactions are sparse to non-existent.

Even to the extent that I'm able to put myself out there, my capacity to be more outgoing is inhibited by confidence issues and trauma related to a brutal lack of success in the past that has left me feeling like no one is interested in dating me.

I wish there was somewhere I could go where I could have interested women hitting on me or making the first move. It's really sad feeling lonely and undesirable with no means of getting even a little bit of romantic validation, let alone actually meeting someone.

It feels like the depression, insecurities and subsequent lack of motivation I'm suffering with as a result of this state of affairs is actively making it even less likely that I'm going to meet someone.

I don't see the light at the end of this tunnel, so my mind can't help but be stuck in a dark place.

There’s only one solution: chuck the regret, and live your life. Become a better person through education, and a reliance on virtue. Find pleasure in things like going bowling or watching YouTube videos.

Really….can’t think of anything else. All these BS statistics and ideologies certainly don’t help.

Why aren't your other pursuits "worthwhile"?

I get what you're saying about "romance." I'm not in your shoes, so I really can't criticize you for this reliance on romance over anything else. But I still find it isn't good to prioritize this over all "pleasures" in life.

I'm almost 62, and haven't lost much of my "youth." You have a long ways to go before you lose yours.

I wish I could offer you a magic solution.

- Go to The Philippines

- Realize that dating is super easy there.

- Proceed to get a girlfriend within a couple weeks of looking

- Realize your girlfriend doesn't want to have sex until her wedding night.

- Break up with her and sign up for more filipino dating sites

- Hookup with a few girls along the way.

- Meet a girl who you have a lot of natural chemistry with and enter a relationship with her

- 6 months into the relationship you two realize you arne't that compatible with each other and break up.

- Travel back home to the USA.

- You'll then realize that relationships arne't all that cracked up to be and instead of being so fixated on girls, you will be free and more happy.

Sending hugs and compassion, TGI.
Did you look into dating support services for autistic people?
I'm pretty sure Raleigh mentioned it's available in AUS.
Have you had any professional help for how to deal with your emotions?
In a worst case scenario if you don't meet someone, I hope you have good mental health care.

I spent years after high school isolated with no friends, possibly agoraphobic. I didn't date or lose my virginity until I was 26. I'm 35 now and in my first relationship ever after one year. Before that I had the hopeless "Forever Alone" mindset. I don't know anything about you, but here's my two cents:

- Your situation is really common these days, tons of guys are kissless virgins well into their 20s (myself included). You're not alone, it doesn't mean you're worthless or unlovable.
- Don't entertain negative self-talk. Be kind to yourself.
- If you can afford therapy, go. Don't try to work out your trauma on your own. Other people, and especially a trained professional, can give you an outside perspective you might not be capable of right now. They can give you strategies and insights you might not have thought of.
- Keep using dating apps. OKC, Facebook dating, whatever. Don't do it with the goal of a relationship, just do it for fun and meeting new people. If it doesn't work out and you decide to be "just friends" you might find yourself with more friends. Stay in the present moment. Have fun and take rejection in stride.
- Lower your standards, maybe try giving older women a chance? What matters is that you click.
- Get out there, go on meetup.com and find people who share your hobbies and interests, expand your social circle.
- Learn to be ok with being single. Focus on yourself, take up a hobby or learn a new skill. "Just be confident" is impossible and bad advice, but you can work on yourself and change your attitude over time, and people will notice, it shows. It might even make you more attractive. Again don't do this with the intention of finding a relationship.
- So many other people, men and women, are just as lonely as you are. So many other people are struggling with self-esteem and social anxiety, even if it seems like they have it all together, they don't. People are not paying as closely attention to you as you think they are. They are focused on themselves. I know it sounds counter-intuitive when you are suffering but foster your empathy and try to be there for other people. If you do find someone know that a relationship is a lot of work.
- Get out of the house, get out of your head, socialize and enjoy life without worrying about the future.

Many men and women aren’t “experienced” in their 20s these days.

The 70s and 80s (before AIDS) were the prime “sexual revolution” years. People are way more cautious in the 2020s.

Most women would respect a man who “waits till the right time.”

If you REALLY want a girlfriend or simply want to get laid, you need to head to The Philippines. It is BY FAR the easiest country in the world to meet a girl or get laid for white men.

And the fact that you live in Australia makes this route an even more ideal option. You're already (relatively) close by to SE Asia.

Personally, I would go there for a month or two, and casually date, maybe hookup with a few girls here and there. As long as you're honest about your intentions and don't lead anybody on, then I don't see anything wrong with it. But if you're going there for a girlfriend, you will have no problems with meeting a girl. Being white there is such a cheat code. You could have dates lined up every single week if you really wanted to. Just make a Tinder account and you'll get 100+ matches within a week.

As Don Corleone said to his godson Johnny Fontaine on the wedding day of the Don's daughter, "You can act like a man! That's what you can do!"

You are 26. You have so much time to improve yourself and lot in life. Do things that will make you eligible to women. Get a better job, a career, save money. Buy a car and live on your own. Lose weight, get a real haircut and some mature man's clothes. Work out, get fit, put the porn and the video games behind you. Do these things, and women will become interested in you, certainly at a more real level than you are at today.

Stop blaming your autism.

You are 26. Why waste another day?