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TwilightPrincess
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20 Mar 2023, 6:51 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
There’s more to life than having a girlfriend/boyfriend. There are worse experiences than not having one.


He can't relate to what you have experienced.

And you also, you can't relate to what he's experiencing (he's feeling that he has never been loved, it's quite order of magnitute different from just "not having a girlfriend").

How do you know that I can’t relate to that?

I don’t think that I’ve ever been truly loved.


Nor I think you can relate to him, because you don't know what it is like to be never had any dating memories/experiences (at least before realising it was fake).

Maybe I can't, but all the posts suggesting that women have it easier when it comes to relationships and "getting boyfriends" are beyond tiresome.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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20 Mar 2023, 7:40 am

Twilightprincess wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
There’s more to life than having a girlfriend/boyfriend. There are worse experiences than not having one.


He can't relate to what you have experienced.

And you also, you can't relate to what he's experiencing (he's feeling that he has never been loved, it's quite order of magnitute different from just "not having a girlfriend").

How do you know that I can’t relate to that?

I don’t think that I’ve ever been truly loved.


Nor I think you can relate to him, because you don't know what it is like to be never had any dating memories/experiences (at least before realising it was fake).

Maybe I can't, but all the posts suggesting that women have it easier when it comes to relationships and "getting boyfriends" are beyond tiresome.


We are talking about The Grand Inquisitor only here.



TwilightPrincess
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20 Mar 2023, 7:48 am

^ I was addressing WantToHaveALife's comments only.


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WantToHaveALife
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20 Mar 2023, 6:28 pm

Twilightprincess wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
There’s more to life than having a girlfriend/boyfriend. There are worse experiences than not having one.


He can't relate to what you have experienced.

And you also, you can't relate to what he's experiencing (he's feeling that he has never been loved, it's quite order of magnitute different from just "not having a girlfriend").

How do you know that I can’t relate to that?

I don’t think that I’ve ever been truly loved.


Nor I think you can relate to him, because you don't know what it is like to be never had any dating memories/experiences (at least before realising it was fake).

Maybe I can't, but all the posts suggesting that women have it easier when it comes to relationships and "getting boyfriends" are beyond tiresome.


well the evidence and proof supports it, the vast majority of people in their later 20s, 30 and older who have never dated, never been in a relationship before, are male, based on people that admit or disclose their case.



TwilightPrincess
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20 Mar 2023, 6:36 pm

^ I know women who’ve been in that situation, actually. Everyone who is lonely, no matter their gender, is deserving of sympathy.

In my former religious community, single women outnumbered single men by a wide margin. I have a 30 year old cousin who’s never been in a relationship.

Is the goal to be in any relationship, no matter how bad? Would an abusive relationship still be considered a success because it’s technically a relationship?


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johnnyflowers
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20 Mar 2023, 8:03 pm

If you think you CAN or you think you CAN'T, you are right either way.



WantToHaveALife
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20 Mar 2023, 10:10 pm

Twilightprincess wrote:
^ I know women who’ve been in that situation, actually. Everyone who is lonely, no matter their gender, is deserving of sympathy.

In my former religious community, single women outnumbered single men by a wide margin. I have a 30 year old cousin who’s never been in a relationship.

Is the goal to be in any relationship, no matter how bad? Would an abusive relationship still be considered a success because it’s technically a relationship?


society and the media is a huge part as to why cases like this seem to be male dominated, hence why the protagonist was male in that infamous Steve Carrell movie, The 40-Year Old Virgin



The Grand Inquisitor
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25 Mar 2023, 6:06 am

Mona Pereth wrote:
As he has explained numerous times, while he does understand that obtaining "a driving licence and semi-decent job" would indeed make it much less difficult for him to find a girlfriend, his loneliness robs him of the emotional energy to do those things.

In all honesty, I'm not convinced that a job and a car would make it significantly less difficult. At least, not while I'm dealing with the confidence and self-esteem issues that I am.

It seems reasonable to believe that those achievements would improve my dating prospects, but I thought getting my original job, losing 40kg and moving into my own place would improve my dating prospects, and none of those achievements seemed to make any difference. Moreover, nobody has ever seemed interested but then turned me down when they found out about my job or car situation.

I think my biggest problem right now is this deeply engrained feeling that women aren't going to be attracted to me, and I'm never going to find someone who wants to date me no matter what I do or achieve.
When I talk about "filling the romantic void", a significant component of that is affirming my desirability as a heterosexual man. I need to feel like it's possible for women to want to date me in the first place before I can get very far.



Last edited by The Grand Inquisitor on 25 Mar 2023, 6:24 am, edited 1 time in total.

Pepe
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25 Mar 2023, 6:23 am

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Mona Pereth wrote:
As he has explained numerous times, while he does understand that obtaining "a driving licence and semi-decent job" would indeed make it much less difficult for him to find a girlfriend, his loneliness robs him of the emotional energy to do those things.

In all honesty, I'm not convinced that a job and a car would make it significantly less difficult. At least, not while I'm dealing with the confidence and self-esteem issues that I am.

It seems reasonable to believe that those achievements would improve my dating prospects, but I thought getting my original job, losing 40kg and moving into my own place would improve my dating prospects, and none of those achievements seemed to make any difference. Moreover, nobody has ever seemed interested but then turned me down when they found out about my job or car situation.

I think my biggest problem right now is this deeply engrained feeling that women aren't going to be attracted to me, and I'm never going to find someone who wants to date me no matter what I do or achieve.
When I talk about "filling the romantic void", a significant component of that is affirming my desirability as a heterosexual man. I need to feel like it's possible for women to want to date me in the first place before I can get very far.

I have is that I feel like I'm not going to be able to


I can't believe there aren't any women who wouldn't be interested in simple companionship with you.
I have lost track. Is your area small in population?

Are you a bit of a book worm?
Are there book clubs in your area?



The Grand Inquisitor
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25 Mar 2023, 7:19 am

Pepe wrote:
I can't believe there aren't any women who wouldn't be interested in simple companionship with you.
I have lost track. Is your area small in population?

I live in a major city.

Pepe wrote:
Are you a bit of a book worm?
Are there book clubs in your area?

I'm not too into books. Occasionally I'll seek out non-fiction audiobooks if I think they might contain useful or interesting information. The last time I read a fiction book was probably English class at high school.

I'd imagine there are book clubs around here.



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25 Mar 2023, 1:41 pm

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
At least, not while I'm dealing with the confidence and self-esteem issues that I am.


It seems like you are in a vicious circle: You can't get a date because you have low self- confidence, and you have low self-confidence because you can't get a date.

Probably the best way to break this would be to increase your self-confidence. That is why I suggested the book "The Menu" earlier-not as a lifelong way to live, but as a stop-gap type of measure, to find other things that you might use to increase your confidence besides getting a girlfriend, so you will be able to get a girlfriend.



The Grand Inquisitor
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25 Mar 2023, 3:00 pm

ProfessorJohn wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
At least, not while I'm dealing with the confidence and self-esteem issues that I am.


It seems like you are in a vicious circle: You can't get a date because you have low self- confidence, and you have low self-confidence because you can't get a date.

Probably the best way to break this would be to increase your self-confidence. That is why I suggested the book "The Menu" earlier-not as a lifelong way to live, but as a stop-gap type of measure, to find other things that you might use to increase your confidence besides getting a girlfriend, so you will be able to get a girlfriend.

When I talk about low confidence, I specifically mean in relation to attracting women and getting a girlfriend, and my confidence is low because I don't get to see women being interested in me romantically.



WantToHaveALife
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27 Mar 2023, 11:53 pm

ya, people are entitled to their mindset, but i know i wouldn't mind coming back being born a woman in the next life so that way, all i have to do is just simply breathe and exist and i'm guaranteed options, attention from males, due to for all time, women have always had the luxury of being on the receiving end of sexual attention.



The Grand Inquisitor
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28 Mar 2023, 12:45 am

WantToHaveALife wrote:
ya, people are entitled to their mindset, but i know i wouldn't mind coming back being born a woman in the next life so that way, all i have to do is just simply breathe and exist and i'm guaranteed options, attention from males, due to for all time, women have always had the luxury of being on the receiving end of sexual attention.

It's often sexual attention they don't want though. It's not like women have perfect dating lives.

Just because our dating issues are extremely sad doesn't mean that you should go around asserting that women don't have their own hardships.

If you like the idea of receiving attention from males, you could always become gay. It'd probably work out just as well for you as becoming a woman would.



The_Face_of_Boo
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28 Mar 2023, 3:45 am

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
ya, people are entitled to their mindset, but i know i wouldn't mind coming back being born a woman in the next life so that way, all i have to do is just simply breathe and exist and i'm guaranteed options, attention from males, due to for all time, women have always had the luxury of being on the receiving end of sexual attention.

It's often sexual attention they don't want though. It's not like women have perfect dating lives.

Just because our dating issues are extremely sad doesn't mean that you should go around asserting that women don't have their own hardships.

If you like the idea of receiving attention from males, you could always become gay. It'd probably work out just as well for you as becoming a woman would.


I don't think one can change sexual orientation at will.



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28 Mar 2023, 7:18 am

WantToHaveALife wrote:
i know i wouldn't mind coming back being born a woman in the next life so that way, all i have to do is just simply breathe and exist and i'm guaranteed options, attention from males, due to for all time, women have always had the luxury of being on the receiving end of sexual attention.

Hmm. I doubt being catcalled, being on the receiving end of lewd suggestions shouted out in public, being groped or have men rub against you on crowded trains, receive unwanted dick pics or obscene messages from randos, etc is the kind of "luxury" sexual attention you're thinking of.


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